Tuesday, May 3, 2011

And When I Need To Look Within

It has been a while since I stepped into the world of blogging. The reasons were many, I changed blogs, changed URLs and more in this period. Met some wonderful people, made some long lasting friendships, and also found the usual bout of craziness that I see in the world around me. But I believe it is time now for me to stop, bid adieu, atleast for a while. The reasons again are many. I am not sure yet, if this will be me completely stopping writing anything whatsoever on the blog, or would I just stop pouring out ideas, and just record small events of joy in my life, what I know for sure at this point though, is that it is an effort to step back.

I enjoyed writing about things I am passionate about. And when I write, I am so absorbed with the thoughts, that my quality of writing is miserable to say the least. I have often commented on posts, by fellow bloggers, posts that have really touched me somewhere, and I have later read the comments to read, just how badly written out they are, the same applies to many of my own posts. Re-reading a post or a comment is not one of my virtues, I am impatient to say the least. While continuing writing, is good practice, it helps improve the quality of writing, that is not of prime importance in my life, its just a hobby and not something I do for a living, and then what is the point in writing out to the world, with thoughts that are not expressed well, not even articulated properly at times and add to that mistakes, that would make my junior school English teachers cringe. And if I really need to make an effort, correct my mistakes, re-read what I type, I lose the joy of writing itself, so what then remains the point of blogging? Most of the bloggers, I really enjoy have almost stopped blogging, or their posts have become few and far between, what remains feels like something of a filler, just because I don't get what I want. And hence I wonder if it is worth burdening my mind reading that, which is of no consequence.

It has been a while that I have been contemplating this, but I always turned back, and stayed tuned to the blogs I follow, simply because I did not wish to let go. However I am at a point in life now, where I wish to look inside, more than the outside. I wish to go within, than spread my wings out and fly, I want to realise what is within me. While blogs are a great way to expand one's horizons, learn about other perspectives, and gain insight into lives beyond ours, it is also a way to keep the brain churning, adding new thoughts and ideas in its repertoire to chew on, it is exactly the opposite of what I wish to do right now. Its introspection that I am looking for. I had read, a long long while back, in a book authored by the great Swami Vivekananda, that,

Thoughts are like pebbles thrown in the lake of our minds, they cause ripples. While what we seek is a calm mind, a frozen lake. 

 While its impossible for me to have a frozen lake for my mind, I do wish to turn my thoughts inwards, rather than outwards, atleast for a while. And hence I seek to step back from, rather than flow in the river of blogs. I cherish my friends a great deal, and I hope they understand what I seek, and pardon me for not visiting their blogs and sharing into the pool of their thoughts. But then you always know, I am just an e-mail or call away.

I waited for April to be over, so that I could be a tiny part of this great campaign to spread awareness on child sexual abuse in India, before halting, atleast for a while. It has been a wonderful journey, had its highs and lows, and was a great learning experience for me in many many ways. Here is wishing the very best to the wonderful bloggers out there.