The Culture Versus Person story

This is a discussion I had with my cousin a while back, and there was so much to be said and realised from it, that I wanted to write it down. The very loving aunt to the BB, who is still a kid herself if you ask me, during a recent conversation with me, asked me, how would I imbibe the Indian culture in the BB, living in a land far away, not being a part of any Indian associations here,esp since most of them are regional and The GP and I belong to different regions of India, without as much as Indian television channels at home. I told her straight up, that I cared more for the kind of person the BB became than the so called 'cultural' values. If Indian cultural values are what is displayed on Indian television, I would rather he not know.  And so on it went.

For every example she came up with, I could tell her, how a good person would automatically do the right thing, no matter to what culture he/she belonged. And if it is Indian music or arts that is our culture, I am sure there is enough Indian music playing at home for the BB to pick up, if he has an inclination for it, the rest of the arts, neither The GP, nor me are great connoisseurs,  so well, we cannot really help on that front. And what if he did not pick up Indian art forms, but Western ones, or even African ones for that matter? Does it make him any worse of a person. Things like communication, familial ties, respect for adults are something that is a part of this household, like any average Indian household, imperfect, but that is the way it stands, and so that is what he will observe. But to me the more important question is will he offer his seat to an older person on public transport, will he help a blind person cross the road. And honestly I don't think it is a part of Indian culture, atleast not the India that I have lived in. There are some amazing people who do it, but not enough to call it our culture. And at the end of the day, I believe its just a matter of the kind of person one is. And that is why, that is the only thing that counts for me, when it comes to my child.

It went on then further to family values, and how they will differ for the BB compared to what it is for her or was for me. She wondered how would he adjust if he needed to live with them for a while. And while the food habits maybe a bit different, I don't think there are cultural issues at risk, besides the fact that he may never learn Bengali. A simple thing like eating on the dining table, we as a family very very rarely do that. We are more of a sit around the TV and chat over our meals kind of a family. We have always had dining tables wherever we lived, and it has pretty much always been a dumping table. But my point is, if I am a sensible and sensitive person, and I am visiting someone, I will automatically adapt to their way of life. I will eat on the floor, if that is the way they do it, or the table, or from a communal plate. I will pretty much follow things their way, unless it clashes with my sense of personal values or hygiene. And that is what is the most important thing to me. It is about being sensitive to people's feelings and genuinely caring for them.

Then what is it about the Indian culture that me or anyone for that matter may desperately want in their child. It is but obviously always the positive, good bits, like warmth, helping people, being respectful. And I think all of those are essential bits of being a person, the rest automatically falls in place, if we have that in place. Coming back to the previous example of eating, we ate on our dining table, when my aunt and uncle were visiting us, because they are elders and that is the way they did things. Common sign of respect. But unfortunately, their child would not join us around the centre table for meals, when he came to visit us alone. The fact is, that a nice person, would have jovially joined in on the fun around the centre table instead of sitting aside in a corner alone. Also if our culture involves, as I see widely around the country, eve teasing, pick pocketing, aggression, lack of patience or even politeness, then I would rather that my child not learn it at all.

What do you, other parents feel about this, or even those who are not parents yet? How do you define Indian culture, what do you think is a culture specific thing that should be imbibed in a child?

Taking A Step

...... small as it maybe.

The abysmal state of preparations for the CommonWealth Games(CWG) are no secret to the world. How terribly it has tarnished the name of India, we can all imagine. It hurts to see a new piece about the bad state of affairs in Delhi, each time I turn in to the news of the television. Not being too into sports helps at times like this, but I can not will not ever stop being an Indian. Last week on my way to work(yes, its work to me now, ever since the GP, asked me 'Aren't you in office?'), traveling in the tram, I had to sit through a rough half an hour, with the woman sitting next to me, talking to a co-traveller, about the CWG, and adding onto it, with many other negative comments on India. I fought hard not to let my tears out. Got off the tram, reached office, and actually took a while to compose myself, before I actually went to work. And it was then that I decided, that though I am not physically in India, and even if I had been, there was not much I could have practically done, to help with the Games, but I decided to do something, something more than whining and complaining. And so I decided to write to the PM of India. And I did. The first draft, was very me, raw, emotional, angry, accusatory, and to me very honest too. I let The GP have a read before I mailed it, and in his usual cool way of going about things, he said, "Its nice. But, I doubt if it will ever reach the PM, with kind of aggression the letter portrays." Earlier I would have sent it anyways, but now I thought, what's the point in taking the effort and not making it count, so I toned it down, re-wrote it and finally posted it yesterday. I am happy that I did something instead of sitting and cribbing about things. One of the reasons I stopped posting on my old blog, on social issues, was because I did not want to just write without doing anything concrete, about things. I think its pointless to rant and rave, and write, and in actuality do absolutely nothing to turn things around. So this is my little bit.

This is what I wrote, and I promise to tell you, if I hear back from him.

"Dear Mr. Singh,

I write this letter to you, in a state of great mental anguish today. I write to you, because I want to do something concrete, instead of lying around, whining, complaining and feeling miserable, as I usually end up feeling in situations like these. I am writing this to you, because I think the ultimate responsibility of India lies with you, every aspect of it, is ultimately your responsibility. And hence, you are the person I am reaching out to with my complaint, or should I say humiliation.

I am currently living in Australia, where my husband works to earn a living, and these days, I step out of my home, onto the streets, with a cold fear in my heart. The fear of being humiliated, or hearing taunts about the state of things regarding the CommonWealth Games. Today, as I was traveling by tram to my place of work, a middle-aged lady, came and sat next to me, she began talking to the man sitting across from us, and during the course of her conversation, she said, "Oh well! There is nothing to say about the Commonwealth Games ofcourse, with ceilings falling off, what can we say." There was more, and besides the words, the tone of the speaker, left no doubt about the feeling of disgust and pity she had towards India. It hurt, and it hurt bad. I upset me a great deal. I was almost in tears by the time I reached my stop, and it took me a while to calm done and settle into my work for the day. I went on with my day, but felt like a knife had stabbed my heart, and was left there.

Why sir, do we let our own country down so badly? Why with a population of over a billion people, could we not make a complete success of the Games? Why have we become objects of ridicule and humiliation in front of the world? Why is the state of things so abysmal, when we have but a handful of days left for the Games to begin. You are the head of the state, and you can command its resources, as you see fit, why then sir, did you allow things to go so terribly awry? I am terribly dejected and disappointed, by the way India's name and image have been tarnished, and I can only ask you, what are your plans to turn things around?

Kind Regards,
A disheartened Indian."

It is not a big deal, I know, but it is an effort to make myself heard. And if anyone else, is interested, in taking such steps, you can find the contact details of the Indian PM online, and you can even send him an e-mail of upto 500 words, if you wish to. It is not a lot of effort, but it can be one step you take, to make a difference. Don't cave in, don't give up. Keep trying.

A Feminist Re-Born

Well, so the training I was singing praises about is finally over. Yesterday was our last session. And yes, I am sad. My Wednesdays will not be the same. Being in a room full of opinionated, intelligent, strong, passionate and yet extremely compassionate women, would leave anyone a richer and smarter person. I did a lot of foot-in-mouth stupidities, and yet I never felt judged. I go on the phone for the first time tomorrow, so I need all the good wishes and blessings I can get. But that is not what this post is about. This is about something that was discussed, at the end of the session yesterday, and left me wanting to say a lot, and more importantly once again brought to the fore my thoughts on the topic of feminism.

It was a five minute, self evaluation on how we felt at the end of the training, and it was then that I realised, that like a lot of other things in life, I had, through this training come to a full circle around my opinions and views on feminism. As a child growing up, I felt very strongly against the inequality between men and women or rather girls and boys as I saw it at that age. I saw it everywhere, in families who were part of the educated, moneyed middle-class of society, the stinking rich, the poor, it happened everywhere. When I look back now, I find it a bit surprising, that I was so infuriated by the situation, especially considering the fact, that being an only child, I did not have to deal with any such issue in my own life. But like most issues that are related to inequality and discrimination of any kind, I was passionate about it. But things changed.

The past few years, the term feminism, had me looking at it cynically. I had seen just way too many women, use it as a ruse to act selfishly. Rich women, with loving families, who don't want to do their part, women who use it as an excuse to reap the benefits and shy away from the duties. Feminism is not about getting the upper hand in every marital discord, or not breast feeding, or making sure that a woman does not take care of her children just because the father is not doing so(because he was at work), or yes, claiming she does not need to cook, because her husband does not... may I add here, that she does not do anything else concretely either. Yes, I have met and heard of women like that. I have heard about the huge fuss being made about continuing with her maiden surname after marriage, by women who actually do continue with it anyways. And while I agree, that it should be a woman's free-will, what name or surname she wants to use, at whichever point of time in her life, it just takes away from the real issues a feminist is fighting for, issues that determine the course of a woman's life. I think such women in the name of feminism, take away from what feminism is all about, they completely dilute the severity of the true cause. No I am not supporting women, who think they have the right to drink till they throw up, in the name of feminism, or women who think they should have many casual sexual encounters because men do, in the name of feminism, or women who say they are feminists and can hence sneer upon others who are more traditional in their outlook or lifestyle. And that being the case, I had become quite disillusioned about feminism.

And then I joined this organisation which is openly feminist in its views. Initially, I was not sure, how I would fit in, based on my the existing view of feminism and feminists. But then things changed. As I learnt and discussed, about the real issues facing women, violence, lack of rights, stereotyping, lack of options and choices, being controlled and dominated, being left alone with children and without any money to fend for themselves, I left more than one training session, enraged, angry and disturbed. And in the process found once again my true passion for feminist causes and issues. Being a mother now, just sensitises me more. And I found the gap between the true feminist, and the pseudo-feminist.

A feminist is a person(yes it could be a man too), who in actuality is bothered by discrimination or inequality of any kind, and is particularly sensitive to the issues, faced by women, because they are women, whether in her personal life or professional. That is how I define the feminist. A feminist would feel equally for a friend who is a victim of domestic violence, as she would for the poor homeless one, because she does not discriminate based of social or financial status of a person. She would feel for the boy, of a rich business family, who is taken out of school to work in the family business, while his sisters go on to college and more, just as much for the girl, who is taken out of school, to earn some to contribute to the family income, while her brother is allowed to do as he pleases. But yes, the feminist, would fight a bit harder for the girl, because she is after all a feminist. A feminist does not say all men are d*$#, but she is strong enough to stand up against any man(or woman) who takes away from any woman's basic human rights. And so, yes, that is me a re-born feminist. And believe me, I will fight any woman who tries to dilute the true issues, and problems facing women, with their fluff about the right to smoke.

*sigh* I feel liberated! And this was so important to get off my chest, that well past mid-night, I am up typing this, because I had to say it. Cheers to all the feminists of the world.

Energy Cleansing

I believe very deeply in energies emanating from all living beings, what is also commonly referred to as vibes. I am sure everyone has felt it at some point of time or another in their life. Sometimes a being in a certain place or in the presence of a certain person, just fills one up with peace, calm, happiness and certain other places or people suddenly gives us the creeps, without any apparent reasons. Those are the kind of vibes I am talking about. I came across this wonderful article about clearing ourselves of negative energy, that may come our way, and thought I will share it with people who read my blog, and hopefully it can be used by you too. If you are interested in vibes or energies, you will see that various lines of thought, do meet and intersect at various points on this topic, like yoga, meditation, reiki, even ayurveda at points. There are commonalities in all of them, about the seat of energy in our bodies, what organs hold our negative energy etc. This article too, has a lot of things, that can be found to concur with other lines of thinking, and I t=really liked it, so I am representing the entire article here.

Let Go of Negative Energy: Easy Techniques to Help

(NaturalNews) Ever had a conversation or incident with someone that left you upset for a day or two? Maybe there's someone in your life, perhaps a boss or family member, that this happens with regularly? Energy is exchanged in conversation and in events, and if this happens, you've likely gotten a dose of bad energy. If this happens regularly with certain individuals, it's likely that they're accustomed to spreading it, and also that you're not sure how to let it go. Especially for the more sensitive among us, negative energy can sometimes be hard to let go.

Letting the energy dissipate on its own can sometimes take a day or two, but it's a real bummer when someone else's poor communication, lack of consciousness, or proneness to being emotionally triggered and verbally or otherwise attacking others affects us long after the moment the incident happened in. Fortunately, though, there are a few ways to expedite the removal of negative energy from us and shorten the amount of time it drags down our own consciousness.

One easy way is to simply brush it off. When people often offer this well intentioned advice, they aren't speaking literally - but here we are. Literally, take one hand and brush your arms, legs, head, and back. Understand that energy literally sits around us so wipe your body clean, like you were removing a layer of dust from your skin. You'll instantly feel better as the cloud of bad energy is brushed from your immediate surroundings. It's best to do this outside and ideally in nature. As the primary method, any other method should be used after this one.

Another technique is to shrug it off by shrugging your shoulders, literally. Energy, especially the energy of resentment, which is the feeling that someone has done something wrong to you, often sits in our shoulders - along our gallbladder meridian. By shrugging your shoulders up and down several times, you're helping that energy move and when it moves, it can be removed - instead of sitting stuck inside you.

Blowing it off is another technique that can help and again, literally. So breathe deeply and exhale quickly and forcefully through your mouth. This will help remove the poor energy from your internal environment.

Sea salt can also transmute negative energy. An easy solution is to combine a couple tablespoons of quality sea salt with a couple tablespoons of coconut or olive oil. Then, mix it with a cup of hot water to dissolve the sea salt and pour it slowly over your head and body in the shower. Massage it into your scalp and body for a few minutes to create your own at-home negative energy cleansing spa treatment. Afterward your skin will feel wonderful and the energy will be transmuted. Soaking in a bath with a cup of sea salt is also a nice way to relax while releasing bad energy.

As with many problems in the body, deep body cleansing can help too. This is especially true, if you're the one who's spreading the negative energy because it's likely you're holding quite a bit inside - and it often stays stuck and held in place by toxicity. Colon and liver cleansing are particularly helpful because stuck emotions often reside in the colon, and a toxic liver easily feels anger. In fact, if your liver is clean, it's difficult to feel anger on any sort of regular basis. However, stuck emotions that trigger us or drag down our consciousness can be anywhere in the body and if this is the case, deeper cleansing will be needed to remove them.