Are We Weaklings?

Where are we today as people of the world? What are we heading towards? What are our goals, our missions? I wonder often about these things, about what is it that we are looking for. And I don't seem to get the responses I would like. Even within my ownself.

Somewhere I feel, we are a misguided lot, being led on like lambs to the slaughter, by the devil disguised as the enticing have-it-all. Sounds strange isn't it? But when was the last time you heard someone say, my aim is to be more honest, or more helpful or more charitable? But I am sure we have often heard others as well as ourselves say, I want to own another house, get a raise, make XYZ amount this year, bring my body weight to ABC kgs. And in these small monetary and materialistic goals, have the bigger, humane goals been lost somewhere?

I don't remember the last time I deprived my self of something that I really wanted and donated the money instead, to someone who really did need it, for something as basic as food or clothes. How many of us even aim to do that? How often, if ever have we heard someone say, my goal this year is to donate atleast half of my earnings to charity, or take a few weeks off work and help the people who need it? In my case the answer is never. And it is this that makes me wonder where are we as a community of people headed?

What are our real goals and ambitions in life? Making more money, getting a promotion, being thinner? Good things in themselves, but is that all we want for ourselves, is that all we believe we are capable of achieving? I think we underestimate and devalue ourselves tremendously when we limit ourselves by such goals. There are then some who aim to read more books, expand their knowledge of music or learn a new skill, and yet again I think we are limiting our potential here. These are wonderful things when we look at it from the practical world, and yet somehow, I feel that they are not what changes or improves the core of the person we are. I will never underestimate the value of reading, music or learning new things, but is that enough for us to progress as persons, spiritually?

I for one, never make new year resolutions, simply because they do not translate to anything more than words in my life. And yet, I know a lot of people who do. And of all those who have shared their's with me, I have never come across even one, which said things like I will be kind to animals this year, I will not say a bad word about anyone, I will stand up against what is wrong, I will not be greedy or demanding. How does this, then, represent us as a society of humans. Are we too absorbed with the material to want more, to actually unleash our true potential and achieve it. It scares me to think that in ways we are actually, being just mediocre and proudly so.

Often our vices are now, labeled as our personality, individuality, and left at that. I am moody, I am short-tempered, I am impatient. These are the kind of statements I hear often, and use them myself too. What saddens me is, we say it as a statement, sometimes even arrogantly, not wanting to change it one bit. We actually proudly claim these vices to be ours. Why? Why is it no longer thought of as a vice, as a corruption to our character that we should try to get rid off. Why is it used as a badge of pride instead? If we do not understand these qualities as a malignance in the wholeness of our persona, how can we ever think of eliminating them. And with each person proudly hugging their flaws, where exactly does that lead the society, which is comprised of people like us? Shallowness, materialism, weakness and yet full of arrogance?

In reality it is weakness, because we as human beings have such huge potentials, we can move mountains with our minds alone, and yet we give in, and do not even try to win over the smallest evils in us. We give in and let the vices rule us instead. It saddens me, because it feels like seeing a huge fercious lion, watching a small little deer, walk by, and not attack it, saying, oh well, why take the effort to run and hunt, let me just be lazy and sit around instead. And eventually that is what will kill him, because he needs the food to nourish his strong body, and without that his body will become weak and eventually he will perish. That is exactly what the virtues are for the human mind, the food that nourishes it and keeps it strong and flourishing. Our vices, weaken it, diminish its strength and finally leads to its demise.

Why do we not decide to do something to nourish our souls each day, each time we make a resolution, even if for just a day? Like each time I think, today I will try to lose weight by not eating anything oily, let me also think, and today I will also not say a bad word about anyone, or today I shall tell no lies, no matter what, or today I will send a good thought out for the person I hate the most. It will be tough no doubt, probably tougher than avoiding deep fried chips and pakodas, and yet it will make me that much stronger and better as a human being. And I think each day it will just get easier, till, one day I find, that, that is what is now me, my nature and I no longer need to make the effort to be that way. Imagine a society where most people are like that, whole, strong and pure. The way we were intended to be when we were created.

[This post is more of an introspection, than any kind of accusation. This is not meant to offend anyone, but was meant as an analysis of myself, and of what I see around me, what I think needs to be changed, more so in me than anyone else. ]

Growing Up To Be Different.

Of late I have been observing that the me that existed a few years ago, is different from the me of today in some ways, that I thought used to define me, and yet I believe I remain to be the same basic person. What surprises me, is that these changes have crept in without me really realising it consciously, till one fine day, it just stares me straight up in the face. Like an incident would occur, I will act/react and then, as is typical of me, thinking about it later, would realise that what I did, was not what I would have done a while back. Don't know if that means I am growing up, getting smarter, cynical, better or just plain old, but these changes are creeping up. And I thought it would be fun to pen down how I have changed, might help in a psyche evaluation if I need it some day.

I still value honesty highly, but I no longer believe I need to be an open book to the world, I don't feel any need to explain or justify myself. I realised this, when I met a friend after about 8 or 9 years. She asked me if I had slept with the GP, before getting married, unlike the earlier me who would have vocally and vehemently tell her, I just said, "I don't think I need to tell you". I surprised myself there, had never realised I don't feel the need to tell people all about me, or justify, or anything at all. Even when I was very sure about what I did, I would always go ahead and explain my point to just about anyone who would ask, oppose, have a different POV. Somewhere along the line, I have stopped wanting/needing to do it. Unless it is someone who really matters or really wishes to know, I don't give my reasons to anyone, anymore.

Still love people, friends, talking to them, online or in person or even over the phone. Though the in-person talking has become far and between now, a lot of online and phone talking still happens. And I enjoy them just as much, but somehow, I have recently found myself ending conversations, saying goodbye, and going away, when I need to. I could never do that earlier, don't know why, but I could never end conversations, they would only end when the other person would, and I would stay on, even if I really needed to be doing something else. I am happy I can do this.

I can be ' just acquaintainces' with people now. Something I could never manage earlier. I either made someone a friend, or we remained strangers, and there were of course the people I fell out with after being friends, where I held a grudge/pain/hurt forever. A big reason, for why I could never survive the corporate structure. Now, I can not-care or move on in case of a falling out or be just hi-hello-how are you kind of friends with people. I am so proud of myself on that one, it has taken a huge amount of effort on my part, to change this bit of me. This also means, I don't hold grudges or hatred for too long, unless someone continues to bother or bug me. I am upset for a bit, and then I am able to move on, even managing to maintain a normal relationship with the person in question.

I am no longer on top of everything, and I can live with that. I used to be a control freak in my own quirky way. I had to know everything I needed to know, I always knew how the finances were working, I always completed my scheduled tasks in time, most often before time, a day where I did not do something worthwhile, would drive me nuts. Now I can live in a messy house, atleast for a while, on most days I don't have any idea of how much money my wallet holds, I end up deciding(the bigger task) and then cooking a meal, just about an hour before it is meant to be served. And the other day I completely forgot about packing the GP's lunch, and he had to ask me where his lunch box was, for me to realise I had not packed it at all, and I did not feel all that bad about it either. Wow! I think I am learning to relax.

People who are very different from me in , don't feel all that different anymore. Unlike earlier, I find more similairities, than differences between others and me. The basic human nature is so common amongst all of us. And I like being able to connect in this way, rather than feeling all awkward and different. And the friendships I can now form, never used to happen before.

Do you think you have changed over the years too, and has that changed the core of the person you are?