Where are we today as people of the world? What are we heading towards? What are our goals, our missions? I wonder often about these things, about what is it that we are looking for. And I don't seem to get the responses I would like. Even within my ownself.
Somewhere I feel, we are a misguided lot, being led on like lambs to the slaughter, by the devil disguised as the enticing have-it-all. Sounds strange isn't it? But when was the last time you heard someone say, my aim is to be more honest, or more helpful or more charitable? But I am sure we have often heard others as well as ourselves say, I want to own another house, get a raise, make XYZ amount this year, bring my body weight to ABC kgs. And in these small monetary and materialistic goals, have the bigger, humane goals been lost somewhere?
I don't remember the last time I deprived my self of something that I really wanted and donated the money instead, to someone who really did need it, for something as basic as food or clothes. How many of us even aim to do that? How often, if ever have we heard someone say, my goal this year is to donate atleast half of my earnings to charity, or take a few weeks off work and help the people who need it? In my case the answer is never. And it is this that makes me wonder where are we as a community of people headed?
What are our real goals and ambitions in life? Making more money, getting a promotion, being thinner? Good things in themselves, but is that all we want for ourselves, is that all we believe we are capable of achieving? I think we underestimate and devalue ourselves tremendously when we limit ourselves by such goals. There are then some who aim to read more books, expand their knowledge of music or learn a new skill, and yet again I think we are limiting our potential here. These are wonderful things when we look at it from the practical world, and yet somehow, I feel that they are not what changes or improves the core of the person we are. I will never underestimate the value of reading, music or learning new things, but is that enough for us to progress as persons, spiritually?
I for one, never make new year resolutions, simply because they do not translate to anything more than words in my life. And yet, I know a lot of people who do. And of all those who have shared their's with me, I have never come across even one, which said things like I will be kind to animals this year, I will not say a bad word about anyone, I will stand up against what is wrong, I will not be greedy or demanding. How does this, then, represent us as a society of humans. Are we too absorbed with the material to want more, to actually unleash our true potential and achieve it. It scares me to think that in ways we are actually, being just mediocre and proudly so.
Often our vices are now, labeled as our personality, individuality, and left at that. I am moody, I am short-tempered, I am impatient. These are the kind of statements I hear often, and use them myself too. What saddens me is, we say it as a statement, sometimes even arrogantly, not wanting to change it one bit. We actually proudly claim these vices to be ours. Why? Why is it no longer thought of as a vice, as a corruption to our character that we should try to get rid off. Why is it used as a badge of pride instead? If we do not understand these qualities as a malignance in the wholeness of our persona, how can we ever think of eliminating them. And with each person proudly hugging their flaws, where exactly does that lead the society, which is comprised of people like us? Shallowness, materialism, weakness and yet full of arrogance?
In reality it is weakness, because we as human beings have such huge potentials, we can move mountains with our minds alone, and yet we give in, and do not even try to win over the smallest evils in us. We give in and let the vices rule us instead. It saddens me, because it feels like seeing a huge fercious lion, watching a small little deer, walk by, and not attack it, saying, oh well, why take the effort to run and hunt, let me just be lazy and sit around instead. And eventually that is what will kill him, because he needs the food to nourish his strong body, and without that his body will become weak and eventually he will perish. That is exactly what the virtues are for the human mind, the food that nourishes it and keeps it strong and flourishing. Our vices, weaken it, diminish its strength and finally leads to its demise.
Why do we not decide to do something to nourish our souls each day, each time we make a resolution, even if for just a day? Like each time I think, today I will try to lose weight by not eating anything oily, let me also think, and today I will also not say a bad word about anyone, or today I shall tell no lies, no matter what, or today I will send a good thought out for the person I hate the most. It will be tough no doubt, probably tougher than avoiding deep fried chips and pakodas, and yet it will make me that much stronger and better as a human being. And I think each day it will just get easier, till, one day I find, that, that is what is now me, my nature and I no longer need to make the effort to be that way. Imagine a society where most people are like that, whole, strong and pure. The way we were intended to be when we were created.
[This post is more of an introspection, than any kind of accusation. This is not meant to offend anyone, but was meant as an analysis of myself, and of what I see around me, what I think needs to be changed, more so in me than anyone else. ]
Showing posts with label Introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Introspection. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Right Is Left
A few years back, as part of my office's annual celebrations, I had taken part in a group discussion, where the topic was, 'Right Is Left'. Since it was an on-the-spot thing, the simple meaning that came to my mind, was that there what is right according to me, maybe wrong according to another, and literally speaking that is the exact way it will be, when someone stands facing me. I interpreted it to mean, to each his own, there being no absolute right or wrong.
That is something I truly and deeply believe in. What is right to me, is unacceptable to someone else; something I think of as the norm, maybe exotic to another; my black maybe another's white. And that is exactly the way the world as we know it exists. It has been a while now, since I have come to the realisation that there is no absolute right or wrong. Everything is relative. What still remains with me though, is a feeling of disapproval that sweeps through me, when I see people who are drastically different from me.
As a very obvious and simple instance here, I can mention women who wear abayas. It is simply their life, their choice, and unlike the way I would like to believe that they suffer, they may infact be absolutely comfortable in their choice of clothing. And yet a part of me cannot but feel pity/sadness each time a woman dressed as such. It happens to many that we disapprove of things that we don't accept or agree with, when we see it in others. Often its instinctive, and makes me judgmental, because the other person does things differently or follows a different code of conduct. What is it in me that, inspite of my strong belief, of there being 'no one rule to fit all', I find certain things difficult to accept as normal, when it is different from the way I am? Is it human psychology, could I just use that as my excuse and shun it?
But then that conflicts with another one of my attitudes, which says, if I acknowledge a problem, it is within me to find a solution. Most people, I believe never change, because they never accept that any flaw exists within them. The toughest part of self improvement is possibly the acceptance of our flaws. Every human being inherently believes himself to be good, even a terrorist believe that his actions are for a reason, and he is doing the right thing. Believing we are flawed is a great step in self improvement of a person. But then comes another roadblock, that a lot of people land up in, which is an attitude says, 'Yes, that's the way I am.'. Which simply put means, the person has no intention of changing, and takes the flaws as a part of his being that do not require any actions. Only after both the issues are tackled can the true process of self improvement begin. A process which can actually become a part of one's lifestyle, and last forever.
If I know, there is a quality or attribute in my personality, which in my own view is negative, why would I not want to change it? Sometimes it is easy to just let go, settle into what comes to me naturally and easily and just go on. But that seems such a waste of the abilities and gifts that every human is born with. In our mundane existence, dealing with daily issues, these thoughts often become so distant from us, and begin to seem so far fetched. I have been that way, and have learnt that it is only, and simply a downward spiral from there on. Never again do I want to be there, I want to change and improve each day of my existence, in ways that I think are good. Which brings me back to the point, that my good maybe your bad. So what then? Even a simple thing like honesty can have many different interpretations under different circumstances. Would I tell a close friend that her crooning abilities, are bad enough to scare dogs, and hurt her emotions, or would I not? Would honesty indeed be the best policy there, or is it better to let her be happy, humming a tune now and then. Personally, honesty in such a situation is not my choice of action, because to me that would translate into being insensitive and rude. And yet again a person who would call a spade,a spade even in such situations is an upright and honest being, and is not wrong in his own way is it not? So who and how do we then decide what is right and what is wrong?
I am an instinctive person, who lives by what her heart believes in, who makes mistakes, and tries to learn from them. My rights are what instinctively come to me, but somehow I cannot apply them to everyone, except maybe not being cruel to others, animals included. What are your absolute rights and wrongs, and do you think they can be universally applied? And do you think you can judge others based on those?
That is something I truly and deeply believe in. What is right to me, is unacceptable to someone else; something I think of as the norm, maybe exotic to another; my black maybe another's white. And that is exactly the way the world as we know it exists. It has been a while now, since I have come to the realisation that there is no absolute right or wrong. Everything is relative. What still remains with me though, is a feeling of disapproval that sweeps through me, when I see people who are drastically different from me.
As a very obvious and simple instance here, I can mention women who wear abayas. It is simply their life, their choice, and unlike the way I would like to believe that they suffer, they may infact be absolutely comfortable in their choice of clothing. And yet a part of me cannot but feel pity/sadness each time a woman dressed as such. It happens to many that we disapprove of things that we don't accept or agree with, when we see it in others. Often its instinctive, and makes me judgmental, because the other person does things differently or follows a different code of conduct. What is it in me that, inspite of my strong belief, of there being 'no one rule to fit all', I find certain things difficult to accept as normal, when it is different from the way I am? Is it human psychology, could I just use that as my excuse and shun it?
But then that conflicts with another one of my attitudes, which says, if I acknowledge a problem, it is within me to find a solution. Most people, I believe never change, because they never accept that any flaw exists within them. The toughest part of self improvement is possibly the acceptance of our flaws. Every human being inherently believes himself to be good, even a terrorist believe that his actions are for a reason, and he is doing the right thing. Believing we are flawed is a great step in self improvement of a person. But then comes another roadblock, that a lot of people land up in, which is an attitude says, 'Yes, that's the way I am.'. Which simply put means, the person has no intention of changing, and takes the flaws as a part of his being that do not require any actions. Only after both the issues are tackled can the true process of self improvement begin. A process which can actually become a part of one's lifestyle, and last forever.
If I know, there is a quality or attribute in my personality, which in my own view is negative, why would I not want to change it? Sometimes it is easy to just let go, settle into what comes to me naturally and easily and just go on. But that seems such a waste of the abilities and gifts that every human is born with. In our mundane existence, dealing with daily issues, these thoughts often become so distant from us, and begin to seem so far fetched. I have been that way, and have learnt that it is only, and simply a downward spiral from there on. Never again do I want to be there, I want to change and improve each day of my existence, in ways that I think are good. Which brings me back to the point, that my good maybe your bad. So what then? Even a simple thing like honesty can have many different interpretations under different circumstances. Would I tell a close friend that her crooning abilities, are bad enough to scare dogs, and hurt her emotions, or would I not? Would honesty indeed be the best policy there, or is it better to let her be happy, humming a tune now and then. Personally, honesty in such a situation is not my choice of action, because to me that would translate into being insensitive and rude. And yet again a person who would call a spade,a spade even in such situations is an upright and honest being, and is not wrong in his own way is it not? So who and how do we then decide what is right and what is wrong?
I am an instinctive person, who lives by what her heart believes in, who makes mistakes, and tries to learn from them. My rights are what instinctively come to me, but somehow I cannot apply them to everyone, except maybe not being cruel to others, animals included. What are your absolute rights and wrongs, and do you think they can be universally applied? And do you think you can judge others based on those?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Intellectualism, Just Not My Cup Of Tea
Or simply put, I am as shallow as a chopping board. Yes that is me. Anything remotely intellectual does not interest me, I love all things that are classically described as pursuits of the stupider kinds. I hate newspapers and news. I have barely any clue of what is going on in and around the world, and have absolutely no views on the world economic crisis, except the one that any average mind would have.
I prefer Sidney Sheldon and Jeffrey Archer to Milton and Shakespeare. I absolutely love Hindi Filmy music, and have gone into the recesses where I am not even aware of the recent English releases. I don't listen to Classical music. I have no knowledge of art, beyond knowing about 'Madonna' and 'The Last Supper'. The words, Rembrandt or Monet might actually be brands of chocolate according to me. I neither know, nor understand them. I do not pursue any art form, nor do I grasp astro-physics well. My only claim to fame is I can add up numbers decently enough to not need a calculator while doing my bhaaji shopping(buying vegetables). Once upon a time I was a great sports enthusiast. As a teenager, I waited each edition of Sports World with bated breath. Savoured every article and delicately preserved the poster of each edition under my mattress. My favourite stars went up on the walls of course. Over a period of time, I have lost that passion too. I cannot think of a single bit of me that would classify me as an intellectual. I even enjoy cheap Hindi comedy flicks. I do enjoy some serious movies too, but even there I hated the much applauded 'Black'.
So what do you make of me. I enjoy shopping, like dressing up, and enjoy nothing serious. Makes me a really shallow and non-intellectual being does it not? But somehow I am happy being this way. I cannot hold great discussions on world politics, but I can always lend my shoulder to a friend who needs to rest it, I love being there for people who just need to talk, or even just sitting in a crowded place and observe people. I love people, seeing them, observing them, reading them, and most of all, help in a very humane way, anyone I can. I am not observant or smart about anything else in life but people. So what does that say about me, I don't really really know yet.
I do feel like an idiot when I read the smart informed blogs, or hear people talking about things that are universally defined as intellectual. All my childhood, I have been living under the shadow of intellectualism, and a deep desire in my parents that I develop the trait. I never did. I hated it then, and I don't like it now either. I hated it because it never appealed to me, but there was constant pressure to adapt to it. I never could do it. I was never interested in picking up the newspaper, inspite of much coaxing by my parents. I did it for a few months during the preparations for my MBA entrances, and dropped it as soon as I could. I preferred a Reader's Digest or a piece of fiction over the news any day. I still admire people who have genuine interest in the news, state of affairs, astro-physics, art, classical music, serious cinema and all else. I admire them, because I just cannot develop the skill to interest myself in these things, and honestly I don't grasp it well either. That is what it is about interests isn't it, what we enjoy is what we pursue. And I am happy pursuing, my small shallow pursuits.
So does that make me a person without any views or opinions, a moron and someone not worth her salt. I would hope not, because what I think, I do with passion. My thoughts and interests have more to do humanely than objectively. To me art is anything that pleases my eye. Music is what makes me move to its beats, with lyrics I understand and appreciate. I love colours, and happiness, brightness and joy. I seek it instinctively, I have to train myself to watch, read or see things that have a feeling of moroseness attached to them. I am passionate, but not about the stock market details or geo-politics. I am passionate about kindness to animals, loving children, loving fellow human beings. And happy being what I am. I don't shy away from saying I don't know something when I don't. I never pretend to be knowledgeable about things I am not, and it would suffice to say I am comfortable in my own shoes.
If you need an ear to hear you out, or shoulder to lean on, I am always there, but if you are seeking intellectual stimulation, or a deep appreciation of art, mine will be the wrong door to knock on.
And in furthering the small joys in life which keep me happy, I am sharing a photo of the motorbike, with the BB standing alongside. The flowers were part of the Dussehra celebrations. The gorgeous thing turned eleven this year, and is yet up, running and rearing to go. (No jokes about it would be tolerated. This particular piece of machinery has a special place in my heart!)
I prefer Sidney Sheldon and Jeffrey Archer to Milton and Shakespeare. I absolutely love Hindi Filmy music, and have gone into the recesses where I am not even aware of the recent English releases. I don't listen to Classical music. I have no knowledge of art, beyond knowing about 'Madonna' and 'The Last Supper'. The words, Rembrandt or Monet might actually be brands of chocolate according to me. I neither know, nor understand them. I do not pursue any art form, nor do I grasp astro-physics well. My only claim to fame is I can add up numbers decently enough to not need a calculator while doing my bhaaji shopping(buying vegetables). Once upon a time I was a great sports enthusiast. As a teenager, I waited each edition of Sports World with bated breath. Savoured every article and delicately preserved the poster of each edition under my mattress. My favourite stars went up on the walls of course. Over a period of time, I have lost that passion too. I cannot think of a single bit of me that would classify me as an intellectual. I even enjoy cheap Hindi comedy flicks. I do enjoy some serious movies too, but even there I hated the much applauded 'Black'.
So what do you make of me. I enjoy shopping, like dressing up, and enjoy nothing serious. Makes me a really shallow and non-intellectual being does it not? But somehow I am happy being this way. I cannot hold great discussions on world politics, but I can always lend my shoulder to a friend who needs to rest it, I love being there for people who just need to talk, or even just sitting in a crowded place and observe people. I love people, seeing them, observing them, reading them, and most of all, help in a very humane way, anyone I can. I am not observant or smart about anything else in life but people. So what does that say about me, I don't really really know yet.
I do feel like an idiot when I read the smart informed blogs, or hear people talking about things that are universally defined as intellectual. All my childhood, I have been living under the shadow of intellectualism, and a deep desire in my parents that I develop the trait. I never did. I hated it then, and I don't like it now either. I hated it because it never appealed to me, but there was constant pressure to adapt to it. I never could do it. I was never interested in picking up the newspaper, inspite of much coaxing by my parents. I did it for a few months during the preparations for my MBA entrances, and dropped it as soon as I could. I preferred a Reader's Digest or a piece of fiction over the news any day. I still admire people who have genuine interest in the news, state of affairs, astro-physics, art, classical music, serious cinema and all else. I admire them, because I just cannot develop the skill to interest myself in these things, and honestly I don't grasp it well either. That is what it is about interests isn't it, what we enjoy is what we pursue. And I am happy pursuing, my small shallow pursuits.
So does that make me a person without any views or opinions, a moron and someone not worth her salt. I would hope not, because what I think, I do with passion. My thoughts and interests have more to do humanely than objectively. To me art is anything that pleases my eye. Music is what makes me move to its beats, with lyrics I understand and appreciate. I love colours, and happiness, brightness and joy. I seek it instinctively, I have to train myself to watch, read or see things that have a feeling of moroseness attached to them. I am passionate, but not about the stock market details or geo-politics. I am passionate about kindness to animals, loving children, loving fellow human beings. And happy being what I am. I don't shy away from saying I don't know something when I don't. I never pretend to be knowledgeable about things I am not, and it would suffice to say I am comfortable in my own shoes.
If you need an ear to hear you out, or shoulder to lean on, I am always there, but if you are seeking intellectual stimulation, or a deep appreciation of art, mine will be the wrong door to knock on.
And in furthering the small joys in life which keep me happy, I am sharing a photo of the motorbike, with the BB standing alongside. The flowers were part of the Dussehra celebrations. The gorgeous thing turned eleven this year, and is yet up, running and rearing to go. (No jokes about it would be tolerated. This particular piece of machinery has a special place in my heart!)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
An Apology, Where Applicable
The chats, and messengers, should burn in hell I feel at times, and cannot help but thank the stars for them at others. While they are a great and inexpensive way to connect and stay in touch, they can lead to misunderstandings and mis-communications of epic proportions. An necessary evil you say? And I definitely agree.
Besides that ofcourse there are comprehension issues, what if I mean something, and it is interpreted completely differently by the reader. And it happens so often, that I don't even get it anymore. Are there any rules to follow while chatting, any etiquette guides? If they are I am sure, don't multi-task must be one of them. And yet like with every other thing in life, I cannot only chat, except maybe the times I am online late into the night, with the rest of the family asleep. The blog friends, are friends, mainly through chats, I have not met any of them, and spoken to only a couple over the phone, but they are friends, and ones close to my heart. Its quite difficult to not communicate with them, the only way I do. And yet there is always the fear of being misread.
Do you ever feel this way? Have you ever had a communication issue on a chat? Need to know I am not the only one.
The written word actually leaves a lot to interpretation. It is atleast a good fifty percent less than just talking, even if on the phone, where the voice is audible, with all its nuances. More than half of our interactions is more than just words, it is the tone, the expressions, the punctuations, all of which is simply unavailable when it is the typed written word. Facial expressions and body language obviously do not exist. So in a chat if I type 'You fool!', it maybe interpreted in a million ways, rudeness, bluntness, or even being mean, while it may have been said in the most jovial way possible, the reader will never know with surety. I have become a bit scared of chats and e-mails now, and feel the need to clarify every word I write for the fear of misinterpretation. And there can be so many, especially when interacting with someone I have never met, who does not know how I talk and I don't know about her. With so many blog friends, I am never sure when and where I am getting off on the wrong foot. It can be more tedious than fun. Sometimes things just click and fall in place, at others they just go bad, with faux pass after faux pass.
I write whatever nonsense comes to mind, and often enough there are typos, syntactical errors and more so,while chatting. I type in haste and make a mess of it. Fortunately though my friends are kind and understand what I am saying, or they just prefer to not hurt my sentiments by telling me I need to concentrate on what I type. And honestly I cannot because, I am never really just sitting and chatting, I am either cooking or cleaning, or playing with the BB or doing something else alongside. Sometime I am standing, carrying the BB and typing, so it goes real bad. Mails are often dashed off in a rush, again no spell checks or proof reading, nothing. I really feel bad for the people who end up reading my garbled messages and actually manage to make sense of it. Sometimes it is so tough for me to leave an interesting conversation and head back to chores, and I often don't leave till the absolute last minute. I am usually casual about things, not attempting perfection, so there are more errors than required. The goofiness is always there too, goes without saying. All in all not a great combination, when communicating with someone through words alone.
Internet is such an indispensible part of our lives now, its an addiction and more, every little thing comes to mind, and I am off to look it up or write it down or whatever. The laptop is always onconnected, and I am always online. So are some others, but most of us are not really on the machine all the time, but on and off, running to and from the computer. Some are more disciplined, and do I admire them for that. They get online only when they are really and truly free, and enjoy the experience. Me on the other hand am almost always there, but never really available. And I feel really bad when I cannot talk to a person even though I am 'online' so to speak. It happened yesterday, with a blogger whom I really like, and who is hardly ever online. I had to rush off to my chores. I so hated doing it, but with all the time zone differences, the free times, just never ever coincide. And I was so afraid that I may have offended her. Then there is another, who was very friendly, poured her heart out to me and then suddenly stopped communicating, got busy I am guessing, but I cannot be sure, whether something upset her or its just lack of time. Electronic communication can get to hugely confusing and frustrating for such reasons, that I cannot term it anything but the devil then.
I write whatever nonsense comes to mind, and often enough there are typos, syntactical errors and more so,while chatting. I type in haste and make a mess of it. Fortunately though my friends are kind and understand what I am saying, or they just prefer to not hurt my sentiments by telling me I need to concentrate on what I type. And honestly I cannot because, I am never really just sitting and chatting, I am either cooking or cleaning, or playing with the BB or doing something else alongside. Sometime I am standing, carrying the BB and typing, so it goes real bad. Mails are often dashed off in a rush, again no spell checks or proof reading, nothing. I really feel bad for the people who end up reading my garbled messages and actually manage to make sense of it. Sometimes it is so tough for me to leave an interesting conversation and head back to chores, and I often don't leave till the absolute last minute. I am usually casual about things, not attempting perfection, so there are more errors than required. The goofiness is always there too, goes without saying. All in all not a great combination, when communicating with someone through words alone.
Internet is such an indispensible part of our lives now, its an addiction and more, every little thing comes to mind, and I am off to look it up or write it down or whatever. The laptop is always onconnected, and I am always online. So are some others, but most of us are not really on the machine all the time, but on and off, running to and from the computer. Some are more disciplined, and do I admire them for that. They get online only when they are really and truly free, and enjoy the experience. Me on the other hand am almost always there, but never really available. And I feel really bad when I cannot talk to a person even though I am 'online' so to speak. It happened yesterday, with a blogger whom I really like, and who is hardly ever online. I had to rush off to my chores. I so hated doing it, but with all the time zone differences, the free times, just never ever coincide. And I was so afraid that I may have offended her. Then there is another, who was very friendly, poured her heart out to me and then suddenly stopped communicating, got busy I am guessing, but I cannot be sure, whether something upset her or its just lack of time. Electronic communication can get to hugely confusing and frustrating for such reasons, that I cannot term it anything but the devil then.
Besides that ofcourse there are comprehension issues, what if I mean something, and it is interpreted completely differently by the reader. And it happens so often, that I don't even get it anymore. Are there any rules to follow while chatting, any etiquette guides? If they are I am sure, don't multi-task must be one of them. And yet like with every other thing in life, I cannot only chat, except maybe the times I am online late into the night, with the rest of the family asleep. The blog friends, are friends, mainly through chats, I have not met any of them, and spoken to only a couple over the phone, but they are friends, and ones close to my heart. Its quite difficult to not communicate with them, the only way I do. And yet there is always the fear of being misread.
Do you ever feel this way? Have you ever had a communication issue on a chat? Need to know I am not the only one.
To anyone I might have offended without meaning to, over chats or mails, the title is for you, please accept my apologies, its the medium that is the issue, not the words that were exchanged.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The Mother I Am, And The One I Will Be
Long before I actually became a mother, I knew I would not go back to work once I did. Not within the stipulated maternity leave time atleast. I knew this because I was sure I would be unable to leave my child at home with anyone else, I so needed to be there at all times. I am paranoid, and need to be in control as a mother, so handing my child over to someone else, just would not work for me. And I personally believe, no one can replace the mother. Once I became a mother, such thoughts only grew stronger, and I wondered, if I would ever be able to let go and do my own thing again.
What I never understood was that the BB will grow up and need less of me in terms of quantity of time spent and more in terms of quality time. (I am incredibly slow at times.) So I wondered how I would manage being at home all times, because I knew I was not motivated enough to make it last a lifetime. I marvel at the women who do it. The ones who stay back and take care of home and family of their own free will. Because this is the one place, where one needs tremendous self motivation. There are no obvious perks, no raises, no benefits, nothing. The only thing to keep one going is their own want to do so, and the knowledge that they are giving something very special to their family. I am extremely impressed by the women who can do this. Being a stay at home mother, means less money, more work (yes there is more to do at home, than at work), less adult interaction, a lot of self discipline, and over all just a lot of self sacrifice. And very few women actually have it in them to do it without holding any grudges or getting absolutely frustrated. And here I have completely gone on a tangent to what I really want to say here.
Coming back to my initial line of thought, I was quite an attached to the baby kind of mother, when the BB was little, still am in a lot of ways, but I can see that the need to constantly being together is indeed gradually reducing. No, this does not mean I can just leave the BB with a neighbour and head out to the spa, quite yet, but I know I will get there in a couple of years, atleast, I see the hope now. I know I need to get out, and work, do something self satisfying to stay sane. I cannot stay at home forever, I am incapable of that kind of dedication, and it would lead me to get supremely frustrated, which is not a desirable state of being. It is not happening immediately, and I know that I will not be able to let go right now either, but I know it will happen in the future.
And I just marvel at how I have changed in my attitude as a mother, without having even realised it. I was such a paranoid crazy new mother the first few months, that the thoughts of going to work would have actually driven me crazy back in those days, and now as the BB is growing, getting more physically independent each day, I understand that his needs are changing, his need for me is not the constant physical presence, but more in terms of what he learns from me, and how that helps him interpret the world. Two years back, I could not even have imagined this as possible. And yet, here I am today, knowing that things are changing and will keep changing in the mother-son relationship I share with the BB.
Its fun, fun to know that there are no constants here, except for my love, even the protectiveness will over the years diminish, because he will step out into the world on his own, learn and explore, and I will have to let go, for him to learn, and that will be indeed the real test of what he has actually learnt from all that I teach him, that is when it will show whether the core values that I wish to impart does really hold or not. It is scary, and yet challenging, because I always need to be prepared, think ahead, and be prepared for the next step. So far it looks quite good, but I know the real tests of strength and capability lay in the years ahead, beyond the breastfeeding and lulling to sleep each night.
What I never understood was that the BB will grow up and need less of me in terms of quantity of time spent and more in terms of quality time. (I am incredibly slow at times.) So I wondered how I would manage being at home all times, because I knew I was not motivated enough to make it last a lifetime. I marvel at the women who do it. The ones who stay back and take care of home and family of their own free will. Because this is the one place, where one needs tremendous self motivation. There are no obvious perks, no raises, no benefits, nothing. The only thing to keep one going is their own want to do so, and the knowledge that they are giving something very special to their family. I am extremely impressed by the women who can do this. Being a stay at home mother, means less money, more work (yes there is more to do at home, than at work), less adult interaction, a lot of self discipline, and over all just a lot of self sacrifice. And very few women actually have it in them to do it without holding any grudges or getting absolutely frustrated. And here I have completely gone on a tangent to what I really want to say here.
Coming back to my initial line of thought, I was quite an attached to the baby kind of mother, when the BB was little, still am in a lot of ways, but I can see that the need to constantly being together is indeed gradually reducing. No, this does not mean I can just leave the BB with a neighbour and head out to the spa, quite yet, but I know I will get there in a couple of years, atleast, I see the hope now. I know I need to get out, and work, do something self satisfying to stay sane. I cannot stay at home forever, I am incapable of that kind of dedication, and it would lead me to get supremely frustrated, which is not a desirable state of being. It is not happening immediately, and I know that I will not be able to let go right now either, but I know it will happen in the future.
And I just marvel at how I have changed in my attitude as a mother, without having even realised it. I was such a paranoid crazy new mother the first few months, that the thoughts of going to work would have actually driven me crazy back in those days, and now as the BB is growing, getting more physically independent each day, I understand that his needs are changing, his need for me is not the constant physical presence, but more in terms of what he learns from me, and how that helps him interpret the world. Two years back, I could not even have imagined this as possible. And yet, here I am today, knowing that things are changing and will keep changing in the mother-son relationship I share with the BB.
Its fun, fun to know that there are no constants here, except for my love, even the protectiveness will over the years diminish, because he will step out into the world on his own, learn and explore, and I will have to let go, for him to learn, and that will be indeed the real test of what he has actually learnt from all that I teach him, that is when it will show whether the core values that I wish to impart does really hold or not. It is scary, and yet challenging, because I always need to be prepared, think ahead, and be prepared for the next step. So far it looks quite good, but I know the real tests of strength and capability lay in the years ahead, beyond the breastfeeding and lulling to sleep each night.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Let the Learning Never Stop
If there is one thing that I wish to always hold onto in life, it would be my ability to learn. I never want to stop, grow complacent, or just sit and think, this is it, I am the best, I know all there is to know, or even that I am too old to change, to know. It is not age that I fear, but complacence. The body may get old, feeble, weak, but the mind will do that only if I let it.
Everything we do in life, everything we see, can teach us something, only if we are open minded enough to accept it. Not everything we learn is good, but I believe nothing we learn is a waste. Every failure, every negative situation has great lessons to impart, if only we can receive them. Learning is a lot more than what books and lessons can teach us, learning is about how we lead our lives, what we do or for that matter don’t. I try to learn from everything I see, not always successfully incorporating the lessons, practically, but I do try.
Just like the body, I believe the mind begins to wilt, when it stops growing. Our mind has immense capability to grow, and it is up to us, whether we nurture it to do that, or just let it be. I want to learn, not science, math or economics, but just things that help me grow as a person. Things that help become a better human being. Recently a cousin, eager to get back home after a tough semester at her business school, was offloaded from her flight, because she was late, had way too much luggage on her, and not enough to pay. She was heart broken, to say the least. She managed to get on a flight later that day, but most of her thrill was gone. I told her to write down what she had learnt from this experience, which would help her avoid letting it happen again. That is the kind of learning that takes us through life, with a smile, and some more.
I am not perfect, nobody is, as they say, but it would be foolish to not try and reach closer to the perfection. This was not the way I thought till a few years back, when I let life take its own course, neither learning from it, nor growing, and now when I do realise the importance of it, I regret the years I have lost, without reaping rich benefits off them. And yet, better late than never. I am never afraid to say I don’t know, never shy of changing my point of view, nor apologising when I deem myself to be wrong. All these things may make me seem unsure or indecisive, but the fact is I learn and I absorb. I think, before I accept, but I do accept what I conceive as a betterment.
Life to me is a journey, and the destination is decided, and it is in me to decide, how much I make of this journey.
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