This is a short, to the point post, and I am doing this, to get some peace of mind. When we shifted here, I had some of my things packed and sent here through air-cargo. I looked up online, and found a service, which handled international relocations, called India Relocation. There were no big things, like furniture or white goods, but stuff like curios, toys, some bedding, clothes, which I needed to ship, because they went way beyond my airline baggage limit. The things arrived here in shambles. Lots of things were missing, and of the rest, many were broken and terribly damaged. The services for transport were provided by TNT, and so you know very well what I have to say about them.
I called up TNT, and lodged a complaint on the 24th of Dec 2009. Nothing has happened so far. They say they will forward claim forms to the person who booked it from India, namely a Mr. Sandeep Sharma from India Relocation. When I follow it up with Mr. Sharma, he says he is working towards getting the forms, though I doubt that, since he has pretty much no concrete thing to show. he says he will forward me his communication ie the chain of mails, with TNT/DTDC, but has not forwarded a single thing to me so far. Also I cannot be sure where the things went missing, since so so many people were involved, did India relocation keep some of it for themselves or is it TNT to blame. But each time I think of all the wonderful things that I have lost, I feel so enraged. And yet I wonder if pestering or following up, really matters, because I cannot be sure it is being followed up from the other end. I think, now, I want to forget about the whole episode and give up the whole thing, because I don't think I can get any concrete results here. Its been a big loss, because I have paid for transportation of things, which were never actually sent, paid for packing, which was not done, things had just been randomly dumped in the boxes which were finally shipped, while they were packed really well under my supervision back in India, and hence finally have reached here broken and damaged. But I don't see a point in being upset about it, and just making my own blood boil. The worst is they have damaged and taken away things that were brand new, besides this gorgeous wall hanging my grandmother had made for me. My heart cannot stop bleeding for it.
Does anyone here think, there is a point in pursuing it, because if the things have been removed before being handed over to TNT, what is left for me to find. And anyone looking to relocate and transport their good, STAY AWAY FROM INDIA RELOCATION and TNT. Absolutely worthless service and reliability. Just a total waste of money. I am really counting on you guys to help me out here, to decide about whether to do anything about this or not. I am just swaying between two extremes right now, not sure about what to do. If you are reading this, please, do leave a comment with atleast a 'yes' - follow it up, or a 'no' here to help me decide. And for all those who say fight for this, please show me a way!!!
PS - Based on the first few comments. I have followed it up, lodged a complaint, followed it up with the India Relocation guys, called up TNT here a no. of times. But as such I cannot do anything hands on. So do you think the follow up will bear results? I have done the start up/follow up. Tell me if you think there is else I can concretely do.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
A Mothering Challenge, Conquered.
It has been a while since I posted exclusively about the BB, or anything about being a mother. It has been a long tough while. For starters, I have not had a cushioned mothering experience. From the day the BB came into being, its been him and me, and my instincts. There has been no family or battery of helping hands to do things for me. While it may look like a severe disadvantage to many, I liked having it that way, because I wanted to do things my way with my baby. Every time, I faced a problem, I devoured the baby-care books, scanned everything I could find online, ask around me few friends who had had babies, and whom I could trust and go on about doing things. It was not simple, but it was my way. A nanny or help was never an option for me, so it has been a non-stop constant mommy-time for me since the day BB was born.
Initially I was all enamoured and engrossed with the work at hand, and was too happy to care otherwise, but as time passed, even without me consciously realising it, a kind of complacence and mental fatigue started to set in. From being a tiny bundle, who did not understand much, the BB was growing up into a thinking, observant person, but I did not understand the transition well. I had become highly self absorbed, is the way I see it now. Having moved to a new place, with no friends or acquaintances around, I was just too depressed to be able to do anything proactively. Somewhere during that period of adjusting to the new place, missing my old life, and just wanting to get out of the house, I stopped being a mentally alert mother. And from there on, it was just going through the motions.
I realised at one point that I was not doing anything proactively. I was busy with running the house, blogging, reading. There was no special time of the day allocated to do BB stuff, except for his meals. And with each passing day, it seemed more and more improbable, that I would find time exclusively for him. Whatever free time I could manage, I jumped onto the laptop and devoured the Internet. The BB has for whatever reasons, turned out to be quite a self sufficient boy, he can keep himself busy through the day, he does not need people to be happy and most importantly, he is not too clingy. Served my selfish pursuits just perfectly, and life went on. I think pretty much every point in time I actively, meaningfully spoke to him, it was to tell him not to do XYZ, or leave ABC alone and stuff. I would take him out for walks to the park, and though it was an activity, it was hollow, because I was not mentally active about it. I was at home, but not with him. It had been over three years since I had stopped working, and I started missing that life, and knew the only reason I was not going out there, was, the BB. A certain amount of frustration started creeping in, and it showed in ever aspect of my life, especially my mothering. I was not liking the way things were heading. This was not the kind of mother I wanted to be, nor the kind of relationship I had ever envisioned having with my child. And I had reached a stage, where I just did not know what to do.
My mind was overwhelmed, with guilt and a huge amount of anger directed at myself, I felt lost and completely worthless. Many people, may disagree with me, because I am at the end of the day physically with the BB all 24 hours of the day, I still feed him, dress him up, and do the small little things mothers do, but I will be dishonest to myself, if I claimed that was enough. And strangely enough, the only person I shared my emotions with, is a friend, who is not even a mother yet. She is someone who invites confidence. Her maturity beyond her years, was the reason, I was sure of not being judged or misunderstood. I poured my heart out, and she heard me, and soothed me with her kind words. I cannot express in words here, what it meant to just be able to share it with someone, without the fear of reproach. And then it was she who said, something which was just so simple, and so basic, and yet needed to be said to me, for me to realise the importance of it. 'Include him.' Yes, just include him in what I do, instead of waiting to get over with doing my stuff, before being with him. Include him in my daily activities, get him to join me, and do things alongside.
If I may say it, it has been a life altering advice in my life as a mother. It was just such a simple thing to do, and what a fool I had been to have not done it before. I haven't and I cannot thank you enough with words Tara, really I can't. You have no idea, what those simple, powerful words you said, meant to me. I could feel the change in dynamics, as soon as I started. I felt so happy and content myself, and the BB was so so excited to be a part of everything I am doing. On the apparent, its possibly no change, but from within I know what is a very small change on the outside is a huge one from within. And if for nothing else, the effects have been miraculous for my peace of mind.
A few plans I had, all for myself, did not quite work out, fell flat on their face to be precise and that left me a bit for upset. I had counted on a lot of things to happen in this new land, but they did not work out as I had planned. What looked like the perfect opportunity, turned out to be an impossible dream at a point when it was all almost finalised. It would be understating it to say, I was highly disappointed. But I have also realised that there is either the option of sitting and crying over spilled milk, or moving on and making the best of what life has to offer to me right now. I have to accept the cards I am dealt with and make the best of it. And hence I am all done and over with the sadness, the dejection and instead want to proactively find fun and exciting things to do, within my grasp at this very moment, I am sure the future will bring something wonderful in its wake.
Its been over four years now, since I was working for pay, been moving all over the world the past few years, my social interactions have been drastically reduced. The Internet has in fact become my primary source to interact with other adults, and that is not an easy life for someone like me, who loves being with and around people. I was ruing over the life I had left behind, and one that I can never have again. And then the chat with Tara happened, and I realised, what was the point in crying over something I cannot just change. I am not ready to leave the BB in full time day care and actively go out to study/work or anything at all at this point in time. There is no one besides me at home to take care of him, so basically that means, I cannot do my own thing this very minute. Lamenting over that was only making me waste what I had with me, instead of thinking of a way to put it to better use. And so I just decided to let that regret go, and do something constructive with the existing time instead.
It is surprising how the world works. Pretty much as soon I changed my mindset, and my way of working things, things started falling in place. Having just reached this place, I had missed out on the kindergarten forms for this session. The option I had in hand, was sending him instead to a private day care centre, a few days a week, as a kind of kinder. We visited the centre, brought home the forms, and were about to submit it, when Smitha suggested playgroup. I looked up, and there was one close by, unfortunately that had shut shop. Tried the next and there they were, with just the last seat available. It is just perfect, because it requires the parent to remain with the child through the session and interactively participate in activities with the whole group. I was getting paranoid about leaving my baby alone with people, he didn't know, just yet. This would be the perfect way to get him used to being with others, so that I can actually leave him in the care of others, in the future. It just couldn't have worked out better for me.
So here we are, the first playgroup session for the BB is today, and I am hoping it turns out to be a lot of fun, something the BB starts looking forward to. To my sweet little angel, who has suddenly become big enough to attend play group. I am so awed, and proud of you my child. Here is wishing you luck and joy in every new endeavor you take up in life. Who knows what wonders the future holds for you, my little prince.
PS - Cake baked, to celebrate the day!
Initially I was all enamoured and engrossed with the work at hand, and was too happy to care otherwise, but as time passed, even without me consciously realising it, a kind of complacence and mental fatigue started to set in. From being a tiny bundle, who did not understand much, the BB was growing up into a thinking, observant person, but I did not understand the transition well. I had become highly self absorbed, is the way I see it now. Having moved to a new place, with no friends or acquaintances around, I was just too depressed to be able to do anything proactively. Somewhere during that period of adjusting to the new place, missing my old life, and just wanting to get out of the house, I stopped being a mentally alert mother. And from there on, it was just going through the motions.
I realised at one point that I was not doing anything proactively. I was busy with running the house, blogging, reading. There was no special time of the day allocated to do BB stuff, except for his meals. And with each passing day, it seemed more and more improbable, that I would find time exclusively for him. Whatever free time I could manage, I jumped onto the laptop and devoured the Internet. The BB has for whatever reasons, turned out to be quite a self sufficient boy, he can keep himself busy through the day, he does not need people to be happy and most importantly, he is not too clingy. Served my selfish pursuits just perfectly, and life went on. I think pretty much every point in time I actively, meaningfully spoke to him, it was to tell him not to do XYZ, or leave ABC alone and stuff. I would take him out for walks to the park, and though it was an activity, it was hollow, because I was not mentally active about it. I was at home, but not with him. It had been over three years since I had stopped working, and I started missing that life, and knew the only reason I was not going out there, was, the BB. A certain amount of frustration started creeping in, and it showed in ever aspect of my life, especially my mothering. I was not liking the way things were heading. This was not the kind of mother I wanted to be, nor the kind of relationship I had ever envisioned having with my child. And I had reached a stage, where I just did not know what to do.
My mind was overwhelmed, with guilt and a huge amount of anger directed at myself, I felt lost and completely worthless. Many people, may disagree with me, because I am at the end of the day physically with the BB all 24 hours of the day, I still feed him, dress him up, and do the small little things mothers do, but I will be dishonest to myself, if I claimed that was enough. And strangely enough, the only person I shared my emotions with, is a friend, who is not even a mother yet. She is someone who invites confidence. Her maturity beyond her years, was the reason, I was sure of not being judged or misunderstood. I poured my heart out, and she heard me, and soothed me with her kind words. I cannot express in words here, what it meant to just be able to share it with someone, without the fear of reproach. And then it was she who said, something which was just so simple, and so basic, and yet needed to be said to me, for me to realise the importance of it. 'Include him.' Yes, just include him in what I do, instead of waiting to get over with doing my stuff, before being with him. Include him in my daily activities, get him to join me, and do things alongside.
If I may say it, it has been a life altering advice in my life as a mother. It was just such a simple thing to do, and what a fool I had been to have not done it before. I haven't and I cannot thank you enough with words Tara, really I can't. You have no idea, what those simple, powerful words you said, meant to me. I could feel the change in dynamics, as soon as I started. I felt so happy and content myself, and the BB was so so excited to be a part of everything I am doing. On the apparent, its possibly no change, but from within I know what is a very small change on the outside is a huge one from within. And if for nothing else, the effects have been miraculous for my peace of mind.
A few plans I had, all for myself, did not quite work out, fell flat on their face to be precise and that left me a bit for upset. I had counted on a lot of things to happen in this new land, but they did not work out as I had planned. What looked like the perfect opportunity, turned out to be an impossible dream at a point when it was all almost finalised. It would be understating it to say, I was highly disappointed. But I have also realised that there is either the option of sitting and crying over spilled milk, or moving on and making the best of what life has to offer to me right now. I have to accept the cards I am dealt with and make the best of it. And hence I am all done and over with the sadness, the dejection and instead want to proactively find fun and exciting things to do, within my grasp at this very moment, I am sure the future will bring something wonderful in its wake.
Its been over four years now, since I was working for pay, been moving all over the world the past few years, my social interactions have been drastically reduced. The Internet has in fact become my primary source to interact with other adults, and that is not an easy life for someone like me, who loves being with and around people. I was ruing over the life I had left behind, and one that I can never have again. And then the chat with Tara happened, and I realised, what was the point in crying over something I cannot just change. I am not ready to leave the BB in full time day care and actively go out to study/work or anything at all at this point in time. There is no one besides me at home to take care of him, so basically that means, I cannot do my own thing this very minute. Lamenting over that was only making me waste what I had with me, instead of thinking of a way to put it to better use. And so I just decided to let that regret go, and do something constructive with the existing time instead.
It is surprising how the world works. Pretty much as soon I changed my mindset, and my way of working things, things started falling in place. Having just reached this place, I had missed out on the kindergarten forms for this session. The option I had in hand, was sending him instead to a private day care centre, a few days a week, as a kind of kinder. We visited the centre, brought home the forms, and were about to submit it, when Smitha suggested playgroup. I looked up, and there was one close by, unfortunately that had shut shop. Tried the next and there they were, with just the last seat available. It is just perfect, because it requires the parent to remain with the child through the session and interactively participate in activities with the whole group. I was getting paranoid about leaving my baby alone with people, he didn't know, just yet. This would be the perfect way to get him used to being with others, so that I can actually leave him in the care of others, in the future. It just couldn't have worked out better for me.
So here we are, the first playgroup session for the BB is today, and I am hoping it turns out to be a lot of fun, something the BB starts looking forward to. To my sweet little angel, who has suddenly become big enough to attend play group. I am so awed, and proud of you my child. Here is wishing you luck and joy in every new endeavor you take up in life. Who knows what wonders the future holds for you, my little prince.
PS - Cake baked, to celebrate the day!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Valentine Date
Since it is Valentine's, and mushy posts are just not my thing, I thought of penning down what an ideal Valentine's date would be for me. The assumptions obviously include no BB, a day which does not require the GP to be at work, the presence of a hot and happening motorbike, and a very very nice cloudy day. You get the idea I think.
So if I can just wish, just blindly, for a perfect date this Valentine's, this is how it would go. I would get up in the morning, about 20 kgs lighter, and a pre-mommy body. Get dressed in a pair of jeans, and a gorgeous sexy top. A happening leather jacket, and yes, a pair of knee length boots.
The GP will pick me up, bunch of long stemmed white roses in hand, on his bike, and off we would be for the day. Riding along beautiful country roads, stopping near a quiet stream for some lunch and pics. Some cootchie cooing, romancing, and just generally enjoying. And then heading back off on the road. I just love the feel of the breeze on my face on a bike, holding on tightly to the GP, and chatting over the sound of the breeze. An evening on a beach, would be just perfect then. Some cutting of cake maybe, some really spicy Indian chaat(yes I miss it very very much) followed by a supremely romantic a hand-in-hand moonlight walk, the waves lashing at our feel , just a feeling of pure bliss.
Happy valentine's people, now tell me, how do you picture your ideal valentine date?
So if I can just wish, just blindly, for a perfect date this Valentine's, this is how it would go. I would get up in the morning, about 20 kgs lighter, and a pre-mommy body. Get dressed in a pair of jeans, and a gorgeous sexy top. A happening leather jacket, and yes, a pair of knee length boots.
The GP will pick me up, bunch of long stemmed white roses in hand, on his bike, and off we would be for the day. Riding along beautiful country roads, stopping near a quiet stream for some lunch and pics. Some cootchie cooing, romancing, and just generally enjoying. And then heading back off on the road. I just love the feel of the breeze on my face on a bike, holding on tightly to the GP, and chatting over the sound of the breeze. An evening on a beach, would be just perfect then. Some cutting of cake maybe, some really spicy Indian chaat(yes I miss it very very much) followed by a supremely romantic a hand-in-hand moonlight walk, the waves lashing at our feel , just a feeling of pure bliss.
Happy valentine's people, now tell me, how do you picture your ideal valentine date?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
My Way Is The Only Way
How often do we meet people, who cannot accept anything beyond what they think or live, and anyone doing anything differently is very simply judged as wrong. Very often, I would think. Why? I myself was one of them not too long ago, like a horse with blinkers. Every human being by nature would prefer people with similar mindsets or lifestyle. That is but natural, a little skepticism or disapproval of anything different also I believe is natural, but outright judging, that just is extreme. A certain amount of tolerance or acceptance, when absent, makes us narrow minded, and highly judgmental. I have had really funny interactions with such kinds, and it never fails to put a smile on my face when I think of it, at the level that I have experienced it. It just goes on to show such naivete on the part of the perpetrators. And yet when we take it in the broader perspective, how damaging can such a mindset be?
There was a colleague I had in my working days. A young man, settled in Central Bombay since generations. He was quite a few years senior to me in my field of work, and that he had his blinkers tightly ON, had been apparent to me on many many occasions. But the most hilarious was, when one day in office, he suddenly said,
He : Yeh kya nonsense hai? Dadar staion par hamesha announce karte hain, 'yeh Dadar station hai, this is Dadar station.'
Me : Kyon? Isme nonsensical kya hai?
He: Everyone knows Dadar, announce karne ka kya hai?
Me: How can everyone know? There are loads of people who don't know it.
He: (Looking at me incredulously, and with more emphasis) Everyone knows Dadar station.
Me :(Almost giving up, rolling my eyes) No, they don't, a lot of people come from out-of Bombay too.
Another incident happened right after I shifted to Sharjah. I had just started blogging, and began reading a mommy blog. The blogger would go out for late night movies, and parties and more. I was amazed, and asked her how she managed with the kids. She replied that she had live-in maids, and I said, 'Oh! No wonder then, that it is so convenient for you. I had never done such things since the BB was born ' At this, she asked me where I live, and I told her. And she said, ' Aah! you live outside, that is why. Everyone in India has maids.' The conviction and confidence with which she said it, made me laugh. How can anyone make such a generalised statement. I myself had just shifted out of India at that point, and had never had a maid for the BB, and I know many many other women in India who don't have maids, even for housework, just as I know many who have a battery of house help working for them. Both kinds exist, and each maintains its own way of living. But the generalisation of the statement by this woman, left me amazed, at her ignorance and her confidence to boost it.
It must be stifling to lead a life, where anything or anyone who is different from me or lives a different lifestyle is unacceptable to me. I was one of those, and I know how hard I have worked to change that mindset, and now being on the other side, I just realise, how full of frustration and angst against the world, I was in my judgmental days. One of my school teachers, infact my favourite one, had told me, very affectionately, when I was leaving school, "GM, you are very judgmental about people, you will have a very tough time, if you don't change that attitude". Me, with the blinkers on, at that time, did not understand it at all then. At that point in time, all I felt was, I am right, and I disapprove of whatever is not. Little did I know then, that there are in fact very few, if any at all, absolute rights or wrongs in this world. But fortunately for me the GP came along and drilled some sense into my brain, and helped me overcome, what I believe was one of the biggest blocks in my self development.
Some people, I think, just get nasty with their judgmental nature, their lack of acceptance of others, and inability to look beyond their own petty existence, which not only hampers their own lives, but breeds a lot of cynicism and negativity around them. It also leads to arrogance, because nothing but themselves and their own views, seem right to them, and that just ends up making them more isolated. It is really tough to make such a person understand anything, but what they believe in,. It is so true, that a change can never be affected superficially, it has to come from within. What worries me further is this kind of a mindset is the breeding ground for the typical me versus them attitude, the place where discrimination begins, and that can be at any level. It can be a Bombay-ite versus a non bombay-ite, a working mother versus an SAHM, a fitness conscious person versus one who is not,people with love marriages versus those with arranged one and then it leads to the larger biases and discrimination that exist. Because at the root of any kind of discrimination, be it racist, casteist, communalist, it is the belief, that, my way is the right way. For example, a north Indian believes his language, way of living , culture is the 'right' way and hence the people from other parts of the country, who have a different set of characteristics are not right. There is a lack of acceptance, a lack of understanding that it is not that if something is not my way, it is not necessarily the wrong way. If educated, thinking people, have such closeted and adamant mindsets is it a surprise that the world today is so divided into a us versus them scenario? How do we then say that a Shiv Sainik or a Muthalik is obnoxious, when the tolerance and acceptance levels are so low even among us?
When I was in Bombay, and working, I had often heard the incredulous tones with which people asked the others, being one of them myself, who did not speak Marathi, "You don't know Marathi, really?". It used to irritate me a lot, because for one there is no rule which says everyone needs to know the language, secondly this was an MNC we were working for, not a vernacular publication, where knowing the language would have been a must, and knowing that particular language was not required in any way at all in our field of work ie computer programming. But it just spoke of their mindset. And then I heard this recently, a Punjaabi man here in Melbourne, could not believe it that a friend of mine, did not know Punjaabi. When my friend narrated the incident to me, I could not stop laughing. I don't know how anyone else would feel about it, but I just laughed, and found it incredulous, how out of touch with reality people can be. And yet, are we then still surprised at how divided the world today is, when people cannot accept anyone who is anything less than a clone of themselves.
The point is,we need to open up our minds, and more importantly our hearts. It is unfair to judge people cynically, just because they have a different set of values from us. It is common sense, and we know it, and yet so many of us just hold onto believing their way to be the only way, so strong , that it leads to so many great prejudices and hard feelings. It is indeed sad and scary to think where it is all leading upto.
Do share any such encounters you might have had with. I am sure we can all use a laugh.
[PS - Please do not take any of the examples/incidents given here personally. They are just examples to illustrate my point, and I am talking about experiences I have had. I am sure there are equal numbers of such people from every part of the world and each community. ]
There was a colleague I had in my working days. A young man, settled in Central Bombay since generations. He was quite a few years senior to me in my field of work, and that he had his blinkers tightly ON, had been apparent to me on many many occasions. But the most hilarious was, when one day in office, he suddenly said,
He : Yeh kya nonsense hai? Dadar staion par hamesha announce karte hain, 'yeh Dadar station hai, this is Dadar station.'
Me : Kyon? Isme nonsensical kya hai?
He: Everyone knows Dadar, announce karne ka kya hai?
Me: How can everyone know? There are loads of people who don't know it.
He: (Looking at me incredulously, and with more emphasis) Everyone knows Dadar station.
Me :(Almost giving up, rolling my eyes) No, they don't, a lot of people come from out-of Bombay too.
Another incident happened right after I shifted to Sharjah. I had just started blogging, and began reading a mommy blog. The blogger would go out for late night movies, and parties and more. I was amazed, and asked her how she managed with the kids. She replied that she had live-in maids, and I said, 'Oh! No wonder then, that it is so convenient for you. I had never done such things since the BB was born ' At this, she asked me where I live, and I told her. And she said, ' Aah! you live outside, that is why. Everyone in India has maids.' The conviction and confidence with which she said it, made me laugh. How can anyone make such a generalised statement. I myself had just shifted out of India at that point, and had never had a maid for the BB, and I know many many other women in India who don't have maids, even for housework, just as I know many who have a battery of house help working for them. Both kinds exist, and each maintains its own way of living. But the generalisation of the statement by this woman, left me amazed, at her ignorance and her confidence to boost it.
It must be stifling to lead a life, where anything or anyone who is different from me or lives a different lifestyle is unacceptable to me. I was one of those, and I know how hard I have worked to change that mindset, and now being on the other side, I just realise, how full of frustration and angst against the world, I was in my judgmental days. One of my school teachers, infact my favourite one, had told me, very affectionately, when I was leaving school, "GM, you are very judgmental about people, you will have a very tough time, if you don't change that attitude". Me, with the blinkers on, at that time, did not understand it at all then. At that point in time, all I felt was, I am right, and I disapprove of whatever is not. Little did I know then, that there are in fact very few, if any at all, absolute rights or wrongs in this world. But fortunately for me the GP came along and drilled some sense into my brain, and helped me overcome, what I believe was one of the biggest blocks in my self development.
Some people, I think, just get nasty with their judgmental nature, their lack of acceptance of others, and inability to look beyond their own petty existence, which not only hampers their own lives, but breeds a lot of cynicism and negativity around them. It also leads to arrogance, because nothing but themselves and their own views, seem right to them, and that just ends up making them more isolated. It is really tough to make such a person understand anything, but what they believe in,. It is so true, that a change can never be affected superficially, it has to come from within. What worries me further is this kind of a mindset is the breeding ground for the typical me versus them attitude, the place where discrimination begins, and that can be at any level. It can be a Bombay-ite versus a non bombay-ite, a working mother versus an SAHM, a fitness conscious person versus one who is not,people with love marriages versus those with arranged one and then it leads to the larger biases and discrimination that exist. Because at the root of any kind of discrimination, be it racist, casteist, communalist, it is the belief, that, my way is the right way. For example, a north Indian believes his language, way of living , culture is the 'right' way and hence the people from other parts of the country, who have a different set of characteristics are not right. There is a lack of acceptance, a lack of understanding that it is not that if something is not my way, it is not necessarily the wrong way. If educated, thinking people, have such closeted and adamant mindsets is it a surprise that the world today is so divided into a us versus them scenario? How do we then say that a Shiv Sainik or a Muthalik is obnoxious, when the tolerance and acceptance levels are so low even among us?
When I was in Bombay, and working, I had often heard the incredulous tones with which people asked the others, being one of them myself, who did not speak Marathi, "You don't know Marathi, really?". It used to irritate me a lot, because for one there is no rule which says everyone needs to know the language, secondly this was an MNC we were working for, not a vernacular publication, where knowing the language would have been a must, and knowing that particular language was not required in any way at all in our field of work ie computer programming. But it just spoke of their mindset. And then I heard this recently, a Punjaabi man here in Melbourne, could not believe it that a friend of mine, did not know Punjaabi. When my friend narrated the incident to me, I could not stop laughing. I don't know how anyone else would feel about it, but I just laughed, and found it incredulous, how out of touch with reality people can be. And yet, are we then still surprised at how divided the world today is, when people cannot accept anyone who is anything less than a clone of themselves.
The point is,we need to open up our minds, and more importantly our hearts. It is unfair to judge people cynically, just because they have a different set of values from us. It is common sense, and we know it, and yet so many of us just hold onto believing their way to be the only way, so strong , that it leads to so many great prejudices and hard feelings. It is indeed sad and scary to think where it is all leading upto.
Do share any such encounters you might have had with. I am sure we can all use a laugh.
[PS - Please do not take any of the examples/incidents given here personally. They are just examples to illustrate my point, and I am talking about experiences I have had. I am sure there are equal numbers of such people from every part of the world and each community. ]
Friday, February 12, 2010
Moving and Baking Don't Mix
OK, so this is final. I am never shifting without every little thing of my house coming right with me. Why, you ask? Simply because it means I cannot bake decent cakes for like an eternity after a shift. When I was in India, I could just go to the local grocer and tell him to pack me the ingredients in exactly the amount I needed. So it was pau kilo maida, pau kilo cheeni and so on.(*pau kilo - 250 gms). At home I never had to bother with the measuring or weighing, the ingredients were always in right proportions and life was good. Nearing Christmas, the local supermarkets even stocked up baking ingredients in smaller portions.
Then we shifted. In Sharjah, I could find nothing in packs of less than 1 kg. I never bought a kitchen weighing scale, because I just find it too pretentious. I tried to get the proportions right and messed up each time.I did not bake for a year. In fact just before the Christmas of 2008, I desperately tried, every option, the microwave, the pressure cooker, the oven I had brought from India, the gas oven in my kitchen there, and even bought a new electric oven to do it. Everything fell absolutely flat on its face. I got textures ranging from custard to halwa to rock hard, and everything else you can imagine. Then it took an epiphany, and a baker friend's recipe to guide me to try a measuring cup to get proper quantities, and what do you know, it worked like magic. Once again, I had a measuring cup at home, the one with came with my rice cooker. Don't think I would have bought one, because I just find it too 'fancy'. And I was back to baking well.
And then I shifted again. No measuring cup, no local grocer to weigh my stuff for me, and one gross cake is what I make. I hate it, absolutely hate it. This is simply unfair. Each time I move, my baking suffers, and just because I no longer have with me the things that make it work for me. And so I declared to the GP yesterday, that I am not moving anymore. However may I just add, the big ego boosting factor was that the BB did enjoy the cake, and asked for some more. But I for the life of me, don't know why.
And add to that the woes of new, unknown varieties of onions, potatoes and some more. The onions just don't make for the kinds I am used to in my salads, or sides. I like the Indian onions. Maybe they are not of great quality or breed, but that is what I am used to, and I miss them, I miss them so so bad. Atleast in Sharjah, they were available. Why do there have to be so so many types of onions for God's sake? And I miss veggies, you know the kinds that can be prepared as sabzi(curry). Bored with the same set of 4-5 veggies that can be prepared like curries being available, and I am in no plan to completely change to eating veggies only as salads, I like mine cooked, complete desi style, spicy tadka et all.
So well that is what it is out here with my food related woes. Otherwise, the place is treating me well, I am liking it quite a bit. All I need now, is to learn to drive, and if the GP pushes me hard enough, I may just go ahead and do it.
PS - Did I mention how I am managing without any parlour visits so far. The threading ritual every fortnight is not happening, so its all about my own efforts to keep myself presentable. Not a great success, but tagging along somehow.
Then we shifted. In Sharjah, I could find nothing in packs of less than 1 kg. I never bought a kitchen weighing scale, because I just find it too pretentious. I tried to get the proportions right and messed up each time.I did not bake for a year. In fact just before the Christmas of 2008, I desperately tried, every option, the microwave, the pressure cooker, the oven I had brought from India, the gas oven in my kitchen there, and even bought a new electric oven to do it. Everything fell absolutely flat on its face. I got textures ranging from custard to halwa to rock hard, and everything else you can imagine. Then it took an epiphany, and a baker friend's recipe to guide me to try a measuring cup to get proper quantities, and what do you know, it worked like magic. Once again, I had a measuring cup at home, the one with came with my rice cooker. Don't think I would have bought one, because I just find it too 'fancy'. And I was back to baking well.
And then I shifted again. No measuring cup, no local grocer to weigh my stuff for me, and one gross cake is what I make. I hate it, absolutely hate it. This is simply unfair. Each time I move, my baking suffers, and just because I no longer have with me the things that make it work for me. And so I declared to the GP yesterday, that I am not moving anymore. However may I just add, the big ego boosting factor was that the BB did enjoy the cake, and asked for some more. But I for the life of me, don't know why.
And add to that the woes of new, unknown varieties of onions, potatoes and some more. The onions just don't make for the kinds I am used to in my salads, or sides. I like the Indian onions. Maybe they are not of great quality or breed, but that is what I am used to, and I miss them, I miss them so so bad. Atleast in Sharjah, they were available. Why do there have to be so so many types of onions for God's sake? And I miss veggies, you know the kinds that can be prepared as sabzi(curry). Bored with the same set of 4-5 veggies that can be prepared like curries being available, and I am in no plan to completely change to eating veggies only as salads, I like mine cooked, complete desi style, spicy tadka et all.
So well that is what it is out here with my food related woes. Otherwise, the place is treating me well, I am liking it quite a bit. All I need now, is to learn to drive, and if the GP pushes me hard enough, I may just go ahead and do it.
PS - Did I mention how I am managing without any parlour visits so far. The threading ritual every fortnight is not happening, so its all about my own efforts to keep myself presentable. Not a great success, but tagging along somehow.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
What You Write, Tells a Lot About You.
Of course you knew that didn't you? If I follow a blog for a while, I can get a good picture of the person behind the blog. Sometimes its a simple, down to earth lady, at home with a child or two or maybe more, content happily going on about life, finding happiness in the small pleasures of life, sometimes its a boy in the body of a man, looking forward to some fun and laughs, leading a life full of passion and enthusiasm, then there is that confused woman, who is still not sure of what she wants, or has not yet priorities-ed her life. Of course this works only for personal blogs, people who write about themselves, their lives, or if they write about ideas, or thoughts. The style of writing, the choice of topics, the frequency, the line of thought, it shows me so much about the person. I don't always consciously do it, but I often gain insight into the writers of the blogs I regularly follow. That may also be because I love observing people, understanding their thinking, looking into their lives and that just comes to me naturally.
It is so much fun unraveling the persona behind the writers. The first thing I usually percieve from the blog is whether the blogger is genuinely happy person or not. There can be many many states of being in between, being happy and sad of course and there are no generalisations, or putting into categories, because each person is so unique. I am sure I am not always 100% right, but most of the time I have hit bulls eye. Especially in cases, where the readership leads into familiarity with the blogger, a kind of bonding, I see that the person is exactly the image I had formed of them, based on their blog.
Having never done this consciously, it just led me down a line of thought yesterday, which made me wonder, how exactly do I form the image of the person beneath the blog. I put in some conscious thought into the process and I found somethings which I could piece concretely. Wondering if any of the readers might be interested in it, I thought of putting some general pointers to understanding the mind behind the posts you read.
Let me start with the blog of the reticent or the overwhelming. There are blogs which come up with amazingly powerful posts, rarely and occasionally. The posts may belong to a select group of topics or vary vastly in their theme, but there is no doubt about the fact that each post is a masterpiece. These people are generally perfectionists, and do not believe in giving anything but their best. They hoard appreciation, and perfection is a way of life for them. They will only post when they have something brilliant and exceptional to post, else they will not. Even if that means blog breaks of weeks at a stretch, there will not be any post unless it is brilliant. But in the same category, of rare blogging, there are also those who are shy and reserved by nature. The posts come few and far between, because though they enjoy the experience of blogging, they are not sure about how much of themselves they wish to share, and hence they come with posts only when they really really want to share something.
Many people blog to give vent to their thoughts or emotions which they cannot in real life, atleast not completely and openly. It may even be a case where, people prefer to express through writing than speaking. If you see someone regularly posting on one particular topic, posts which are like rants, or hints of rants, even if they don't have a personal touch to it, in all likelihood they have a personal experience of it, which is why the topic is close to their heart and often appears in their writing. It is like people choosing a cause. If one has lost a loved one to Cancer, they are likely to donate to Cancer research. No, this does not mean, if a person writes about the cause of human trafficking, they have been sold themselves, but if someone does write a lot about animal cruelty, they are likely to be great animal lovers themselves. As an example, if I keep talking about how the world is unfair to people who carry extra weight, or how the world is forever judgmental to the female body, it is likely that I have an issue with my own body image and the way it is perceived.
Some people hide, yes they try hard to hide what is truly them. I am not talking about bloggers who don't talk about their personal life on their blogs, or maintain blogs dedicated more to social issues/non-personal blogs. But those who work consciously towards keeping the personal posts impersonal. These bloggers, don't want to tell all, and keep their personal life, well, personal. The Internet is indeed not as nice as we would like to believe it to be, it has all kinds of lunatics lurking around, and these bloggers know that well and don't want to take any chances. They are likely to be cautious,level headed,confident and practical people in real life. Most of their posts are usually well thought, neatly formatted, well written, and unlikely to have any mistakes.
And then there are also the exact opposites. There are quite a few posts, not all mind you, which are ill-formatted, lose track of what it was all about somewhere along the way, often untidy and with a done-on-the-go feel, feelings are poured out as is, without editing or refrain. These bloggers to say the least are not practical or cautious. Most of the times their posts are quite personal and relate to them directly.Their posts give a feel of being in a conversation with the blogger than just reading a post. They don't write for the sake of writing, but more to have their say, express what they think and feel. Their posts usually pour out directly from their heart.
There are ofcourse the favourites of all, the charmers. These are bloggers, who are universally liked. Unless someone knows them personally, and has some issue with them(which will again be very rare), no one has a harsh or negative thought about them. They have views, which are clear and precise, their posts usually leave you with a smile or a happy thought. When they write about a cause, you can see that they genuinely feel for it, and are really keen on changing that in this big bad world, and this is not done to generate traffic or to gain publicity. Their personal posts, are usually happy and sweet, because that is their attitude towards life, and even if the post is about something that has bothered them or something gone wrong, reading it leaves you loving the blogger even more for their honesty, and attitude. If you write in to them or comment on their blog, they are likely to welcome you with open arms, and treat you as an equal, with no sign of snobbery. May I please add here, they are my absolute favourites, because, I believe these kinds are genuinely nice people, with a sense of humour about life, and a generally friendly and happy attitude.
Some bloggers, blog about just about whatever they feel like. They get loads of comments at times, and none at others. They go on to write about what pleases them. There are quite a few posts, which seem to mean nothing at all, and yet are fun enough for the writer to write about. These bloggers are usually chilled out people in really life, with a devil-may-care attitude. They usually do what they think is good/fun/right/appropriate, and do so without social approval. They do enjoy appreciation, and people liking what they do, but would not change their opinion/view/way of living, even if faced with censure.
There are ofcourse many other characteristics that can be seen, but jotting them all down would just make this post too to lengthy and then the other small nuances, which help form the whole picture, like a bloggers reply to comments, and their comments on other blogs, also gives us a peek into their mind, but that is just another long topic. And then there are some which I cannot really put into words, but can just understand through perception. So, when I join the dots, the posts, the comments, the replies, it forms such a clear whole picture of the person for me, that after a while, I just know what to expect from the blogger, and usually I get just that.
For each thing that I wrote in this post, I had one or more bloggers in mind, and as soon as I thought of a particular blog, I could easily formulate my words for this one. So do you also read the blog and the person beneath it? What do you see?
It is so much fun unraveling the persona behind the writers. The first thing I usually percieve from the blog is whether the blogger is genuinely happy person or not. There can be many many states of being in between, being happy and sad of course and there are no generalisations, or putting into categories, because each person is so unique. I am sure I am not always 100% right, but most of the time I have hit bulls eye. Especially in cases, where the readership leads into familiarity with the blogger, a kind of bonding, I see that the person is exactly the image I had formed of them, based on their blog.
Having never done this consciously, it just led me down a line of thought yesterday, which made me wonder, how exactly do I form the image of the person beneath the blog. I put in some conscious thought into the process and I found somethings which I could piece concretely. Wondering if any of the readers might be interested in it, I thought of putting some general pointers to understanding the mind behind the posts you read.
Let me start with the blog of the reticent or the overwhelming. There are blogs which come up with amazingly powerful posts, rarely and occasionally. The posts may belong to a select group of topics or vary vastly in their theme, but there is no doubt about the fact that each post is a masterpiece. These people are generally perfectionists, and do not believe in giving anything but their best. They hoard appreciation, and perfection is a way of life for them. They will only post when they have something brilliant and exceptional to post, else they will not. Even if that means blog breaks of weeks at a stretch, there will not be any post unless it is brilliant. But in the same category, of rare blogging, there are also those who are shy and reserved by nature. The posts come few and far between, because though they enjoy the experience of blogging, they are not sure about how much of themselves they wish to share, and hence they come with posts only when they really really want to share something.
Many people blog to give vent to their thoughts or emotions which they cannot in real life, atleast not completely and openly. It may even be a case where, people prefer to express through writing than speaking. If you see someone regularly posting on one particular topic, posts which are like rants, or hints of rants, even if they don't have a personal touch to it, in all likelihood they have a personal experience of it, which is why the topic is close to their heart and often appears in their writing. It is like people choosing a cause. If one has lost a loved one to Cancer, they are likely to donate to Cancer research. No, this does not mean, if a person writes about the cause of human trafficking, they have been sold themselves, but if someone does write a lot about animal cruelty, they are likely to be great animal lovers themselves. As an example, if I keep talking about how the world is unfair to people who carry extra weight, or how the world is forever judgmental to the female body, it is likely that I have an issue with my own body image and the way it is perceived.
Some people hide, yes they try hard to hide what is truly them. I am not talking about bloggers who don't talk about their personal life on their blogs, or maintain blogs dedicated more to social issues/non-personal blogs. But those who work consciously towards keeping the personal posts impersonal. These bloggers, don't want to tell all, and keep their personal life, well, personal. The Internet is indeed not as nice as we would like to believe it to be, it has all kinds of lunatics lurking around, and these bloggers know that well and don't want to take any chances. They are likely to be cautious,level headed,confident and practical people in real life. Most of their posts are usually well thought, neatly formatted, well written, and unlikely to have any mistakes.
And then there are also the exact opposites. There are quite a few posts, not all mind you, which are ill-formatted, lose track of what it was all about somewhere along the way, often untidy and with a done-on-the-go feel, feelings are poured out as is, without editing or refrain. These bloggers to say the least are not practical or cautious. Most of the times their posts are quite personal and relate to them directly.Their posts give a feel of being in a conversation with the blogger than just reading a post. They don't write for the sake of writing, but more to have their say, express what they think and feel. Their posts usually pour out directly from their heart.
There are ofcourse the favourites of all, the charmers. These are bloggers, who are universally liked. Unless someone knows them personally, and has some issue with them(which will again be very rare), no one has a harsh or negative thought about them. They have views, which are clear and precise, their posts usually leave you with a smile or a happy thought. When they write about a cause, you can see that they genuinely feel for it, and are really keen on changing that in this big bad world, and this is not done to generate traffic or to gain publicity. Their personal posts, are usually happy and sweet, because that is their attitude towards life, and even if the post is about something that has bothered them or something gone wrong, reading it leaves you loving the blogger even more for their honesty, and attitude. If you write in to them or comment on their blog, they are likely to welcome you with open arms, and treat you as an equal, with no sign of snobbery. May I please add here, they are my absolute favourites, because, I believe these kinds are genuinely nice people, with a sense of humour about life, and a generally friendly and happy attitude.
Some bloggers, blog about just about whatever they feel like. They get loads of comments at times, and none at others. They go on to write about what pleases them. There are quite a few posts, which seem to mean nothing at all, and yet are fun enough for the writer to write about. These bloggers are usually chilled out people in really life, with a devil-may-care attitude. They usually do what they think is good/fun/right/appropriate, and do so without social approval. They do enjoy appreciation, and people liking what they do, but would not change their opinion/view/way of living, even if faced with censure.
There are ofcourse many other characteristics that can be seen, but jotting them all down would just make this post too to lengthy and then the other small nuances, which help form the whole picture, like a bloggers reply to comments, and their comments on other blogs, also gives us a peek into their mind, but that is just another long topic. And then there are some which I cannot really put into words, but can just understand through perception. So, when I join the dots, the posts, the comments, the replies, it forms such a clear whole picture of the person for me, that after a while, I just know what to expect from the blogger, and usually I get just that.
For each thing that I wrote in this post, I had one or more bloggers in mind, and as soon as I thought of a particular blog, I could easily formulate my words for this one. So do you also read the blog and the person beneath it? What do you see?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
If You Like Animals.
Indoor photography is not my kind of thing. I don't do well with such compositions, and I don't enjoy clicking them either. A simple point-and-shoot or even a phone camera suffices for such photography for me. The GP on the other hand does great jobs with indoor photography.... I love seeing the results he achieves, he actually has made me look unbelievably good in so many of them. The fact that he goes all professional with his studio lights, light metres and everything, makes the pics amazingly glam, and I know I can never ever get to that level, simply because I lack the patience such set-ups require. For me, its more of seeing something gorgeous, and capturing it. And nothing captivates me like nature, and especially animals.
We visited the Melbourne Zoo this weekend. Equipped with my new camera, and my favourite subject to shoot, it would be an understatement to say, I was just waiting to start shooting. I do not, yet, use a tripod, so not all photos on full zoom, have turned out the way I would like it to, but here, I am sharing some of my best shots from the day. And may I please remind you, it is not quite as easy to get the shots you want, when you have a rather energetic child to mind too!
I have seen so many professional photos like this, that I absolutely loved the opportunity to click one of my own.
The eye of the pelican is what fascinates me here.
From the butterfly house!
Don't you love the bold colour contrast. This one was just roaming around all over the place.
Just perfect for the 'How Tall Are You?' measuring scale.
I love the silhouette in this one.
Bongo - The tough one!
Meerkat - Reminds me of an old man, with a pinched face.
What beautiful, yet sad eyes.
Be scared, be very scared, because, 'he' is looking.
And he is not alone!
This one is my favourite, the colour contrast is awesome, and I love the afro-style spike on the zebra.
The absolute best pic of the day though, was clicked by the GP, a butterfly/moth on a flower. You have see the photo to believe it! The flower looks luminous, its simply gorgeous. Am not putting it up here, because it is not by me. And I am so so pushing him to actually make some money off that photo, for it is just simply so beautiful.
Please tell me which one you like the best of my lot.
And since I have this entire post on animal photos, I cannot but link up to Parul's post, and the stark reality it is throwing into our face. Wake up, don't let the tigers die out. Make them live, help them survive. They are gorgeous beasts of the wild, we cannot let them go away. I am representing the following exactly from Parul's post. This post would be me spreading the word. I suggest you do too. 
Spread the Word
Let everyone know that our tigers are on the brink of extinction and that they need us. Now. You can start by joining the Save Our Tigers movement on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, and spreading the word wherever you go – online or offline.
SMS
A short message can go a long way to help save our tigers. Let all your friends know about the movement through SMS – just type in your message and ask them to visit SaveOurTigers.com to join the roar.
Write to Editors
Write a letter or an email to editors of popular newspapers and magazines, asking them to support the cause and highlight the urgency to save our tigers. The more people we can reach and inform, the louder our roar will be.
Donate
Organizations such as WWF and The Corbett Foundation work for tiger conservation and need our active support. If possible, you can chip in with funds, volunteer for work or donate clothes, etc. for the forest guards by tying up with such organizations.
Volunteer for Our Tigers
Your time is the most important contribution for our tigers. If you think you have the skills or the commitment to help the tigers on-site, do contact an NGO working for tiger conservation to volunteer for our tigers.
Preserve our Natural Resources
Loss of habitat is one of our tigers’ biggest problems. We can reduce pressure on forests by avoiding unnecessary use of forest-derived products, such as paper and timber.
Be a Responsible Tourist
Visit tiger sanctuaries and national parks and discover our country’s natural heritage. But please remember that the wilderness is to be experienced, not to be polluted by packets of chips, etc.
Wake up, and take action.
We visited the Melbourne Zoo this weekend. Equipped with my new camera, and my favourite subject to shoot, it would be an understatement to say, I was just waiting to start shooting. I do not, yet, use a tripod, so not all photos on full zoom, have turned out the way I would like it to, but here, I am sharing some of my best shots from the day. And may I please remind you, it is not quite as easy to get the shots you want, when you have a rather energetic child to mind too!
I have seen so many professional photos like this, that I absolutely loved the opportunity to click one of my own.
The eye of the pelican is what fascinates me here.
From the butterfly house!
Don't you love the bold colour contrast. This one was just roaming around all over the place.
Just perfect for the 'How Tall Are You?' measuring scale.
I love the silhouette in this one.
Bongo - The tough one!
Meerkat - Reminds me of an old man, with a pinched face.
What beautiful, yet sad eyes.
Be scared, be very scared, because, 'he' is looking.
And he is not alone!
This one is my favourite, the colour contrast is awesome, and I love the afro-style spike on the zebra.The absolute best pic of the day though, was clicked by the GP, a butterfly/moth on a flower. You have see the photo to believe it! The flower looks luminous, its simply gorgeous. Am not putting it up here, because it is not by me. And I am so so pushing him to actually make some money off that photo, for it is just simply so beautiful.
Please tell me which one you like the best of my lot.
And since I have this entire post on animal photos, I cannot but link up to Parul's post, and the stark reality it is throwing into our face. Wake up, don't let the tigers die out. Make them live, help them survive. They are gorgeous beasts of the wild, we cannot let them go away. I am representing the following exactly from Parul's post. This post would be me spreading the word. I suggest you do too.
Spread the WordLet everyone know that our tigers are on the brink of extinction and that they need us. Now. You can start by joining the Save Our Tigers movement on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, and spreading the word wherever you go – online or offline.
SMSA short message can go a long way to help save our tigers. Let all your friends know about the movement through SMS – just type in your message and ask them to visit SaveOurTigers.com to join the roar.
Write to EditorsWrite a letter or an email to editors of popular newspapers and magazines, asking them to support the cause and highlight the urgency to save our tigers. The more people we can reach and inform, the louder our roar will be.
DonateOrganizations such as WWF and The Corbett Foundation work for tiger conservation and need our active support. If possible, you can chip in with funds, volunteer for work or donate clothes, etc. for the forest guards by tying up with such organizations.
Volunteer for Our Tigers Your time is the most important contribution for our tigers. If you think you have the skills or the commitment to help the tigers on-site, do contact an NGO working for tiger conservation to volunteer for our tigers.
Preserve our Natural ResourcesLoss of habitat is one of our tigers’ biggest problems. We can reduce pressure on forests by avoiding unnecessary use of forest-derived products, such as paper and timber.
Be a Responsible Tourist Visit tiger sanctuaries and national parks and discover our country’s natural heritage. But please remember that the wilderness is to be experienced, not to be polluted by packets of chips, etc.
Wake up, and take action.
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