Giving It Up

I was not sure I would put it up on the blog, but then I realised that every penny counts, and this is not for me, so let me just not act prudish, and share it here. There is the 40 Hour Famine being organised by World Vision Australia. And I decided to participate. There were ads on the TV, and I was intrigues enough to look them up online. It seemed like something I can do, and so I went for it.

The thing is, that I give up something that I need all the time for 40 hours, and try to get my friends to donate to the cause in return. It could be anything, so I decided to go with the Internet, something that I use from the moment I get up, to the time I go to sleep, and the other, is non-vegetarian food. I am thinking about withdrawal symptoms already, but might as well go ahead and do it. Wish me luck people. And just like what I told all my friends, 'No amount is too big, and none too small. Even $1 is most welcome, to whoever wants to contribute.' So anyone, who wishes to donate, even a dollar, please just mail me (goofymumma[at]gmail[dot]com), and I will mail you the link where you can donate.

Its a really good cause and the money generated from this will be used for people and especially children who need it, around the world. As mentioned on the website,
Donations to the 40 Hour Famine this year will support projects aimed at: addressing climate change and increasing agricultural production in Nepal; tackling childhood malnutrition in Kenya; fighting child labour and trafficking in India; providing supplementary food support to families in Cambodia; and assisting with food security in Laos.

Wish me luck!

OK! So I hate Mondays.

Every Monday, is a dull day, when it brings me back to the start of the mundane week. It feels a bit lonely with the GP back to work, and the house needing loads to be done, after the whirlwind weekend activities and no cleaning jobs done. So that is usually what Mondays are, and they are bad enough. But when there is a guest over the weekend, and she leaves, its just so much worse.

It is amazing how things can be, and how infact Facebook can do, what nothing else can. For all those who don't know it already, the brilliant, but now pretty dormant, Quirky Quill, is the one who introduced me to the world of blogs. The fact is that she was in school with me, and infact one of my favourite persons from my very snooty high school. She is a great person, and a brilliant brain to boot. Somehow though we were never belonged to the same group of friends. Met years later on Facebook, picked up the new threads. I had just had a baby, she was going to be married in a while, leaving for her backpacking Europe tour. We would chat on and off, and the familiarity increased to a lot more than what it ever was in school. And something that I never would have never imagined possible, had we even been in the same city we grew up in all these years, happened, and she popped into my part of the town this weekend, and stayed over.

It was wonderful having her over, sharing stories about school, common friends, and trying to refresh each other's memories about events and people from those years. Its amazing how easy it was to talk to each other, even though we were meeting after more than twelve years! Wow! Imagine that, makes me feel really really old now. Never on earth had either one of us thought we would infact meet up again, and yet. No wonder they say its a small world. I felt oh! so sad, when she left today morning, to go back. A Monday, as usual with some more void......

It was great having you over, QQ, and I forgot to crib about this to you personally, while you were here, but here I go now........ HEADER!!!!!! Miss you girl, and hope you pop in here soon, and hopefully with M in tow this time. Must meet him now, after all the wonderful tales I have heard about him.

Use Your Mammaries, Mothers!

[Disclaimer - This is not about women who are physically unable to breastfeed, but about women who are capable but don't.]
If my last few posts have not been mention and proof enough of my disillusionment, with the world as it exists today, here comes another one. For a rare change I was looking at a newspaper today, and as newspapers have the habit of doing, it managed to impart some nugget of information to me. 'What now?', you ask, well this is the World Breastfeeding Week. And you can head over to the dedicated website, to gain more information about the week starting 1st of August, that this is being celebrated.

My point being, however, that we live in society today, where the most powerful and basic form of love, that of a mother to a child seems to be dwindling. I am sure, consciously or without really noticing, everyone in this world has observed some event, where a mother's affection has made the impossible possible. This is supposed to be the love, purest of all, the one without any expectations or demands. But before I go on, about that for a few posts worth of length, let me just say, that breastfeeding is the most basic thing a mother does for her child, and it is strange that there needs to be weeks, days or anything at all dedicated to inform people about it.

We celebrate women because they breastfeed their babies??? *huh????* Next we will need to celebrate the man who drives his family around, or the woman who cooks for her family, or a person who spends his earning on bringing up his/her children. Oh! But I forget, many people already believe they are doing the whole wide world a big favour, by doing precisely these very things. What is wrong with us? Does there need to be preaching and encouragement for mothers(notice, I am not saying women here!! Because the emotional transformation a woman goes through, when she delivers a baby, transforms her forever into a mother) to breastfeed their babies? There is a reason, why a woman's body was designed by nature, to grow a baby within itself, nourishing and growing it, and then nourishing it for a while after too. What exactly can be enticing enough for a mother to not want to do that?

[Image courtsey - http://www.keyshealthystart.org/breastfeeding.htm]

WHO recommends breastfeeding a baby for atleast the first two years of life, and by the time a baby is just about six months old, many many mothers begin to plan their weaning methods, and by the time they are one, the babies are all weaned successfully, as the mothers would proudly claim. And while, in a normal world, I would think that cruel, in the one we currently inhabit, I have to applaud the mothers for allowing their babies access to their, completely personal and self-owned breasts(Yes, I am being sarcastic!), because there are those, who don't allow their babies that privilege. Its a strange world indeed, where mothers are too busy/self-involved/self-lovingcompletely selfish to provide their baby with breast milk. The reasons, could be many, and all equally pathetic. But unfortunately, no matter how much I hate it, such is the world we inhabit. Selfishness, has crossed all barriers, and has invaded even the purest of relationships.

And hence, the newspaper, being a more accepting part of the world, as it exists today, linked up an article about Celebrities Who Love Breastfeeding (a few pics may not be suitable for viewing in office!)as it states, 'In honour of World Breastfeeding Week we feature 12 celebrities who support the 'breast is best' message.' Well, indeed, let us celebrate, and instead of being a sourpuss, who keeps cribbing about what bothers her, let me appreciate the effort that is being taken here, to make things right. And so I will say, its the best way for a mother to bond with her baby. The initial months, fraught with sleeplessness, breastfeeding is the perfect way to relax. Breastfeeding releases hormones, that soothe and ease the mother's nerves, and helps her rest and relax. For the women who have breastfed, they would know, it induces a much needed state of blissful sleepiness. Breastfeeding also reduces the risk of breast cancer. And it helps the uterus shrink faster and sooner. And now that I have said all that I know about how it helps the mother, may I also add the obvious, that it make the baby healthier, it gives him natural immunity against diseases in those precious first few months of life, it is the easiest food for his tender digestive system, and it also gives him emotional strength of knowing he is loved, and not a burden!

So there women, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing is worth giving up on this special experience, nor any reason good enough to use an excuse. Feed your baby, give them what only you can, don't hold that back.

Reality Bites

There was once a mother, a long long time back, with a small child, who dreamed and hoped for time, when someone else would take over her child for a while, and she would enjoy some free time. The time came, a couple of years too late, she had by then been maternalised(just like one gets institutionalised). And then she realised, all the free time in the world would mean nothing now, when her heart and mind was bound to her child.

Today I was home all day, and the BB was not. He was having a pyjama-day with his teddy bear for company at his day-care centre. There was a teddy-bear picnic and some. Good thing he was not as miserable as me. Its simply terrible being alone at home. I have lost that ability, in the past three and half years. I was terrified of the day ahead, and even though I had over six unwatched movie CDs lying with me, I did not feel like watching even one. Earlier, I would have a million ways to pass my time, today, none appealed to me. I forced myself through one movie till lunch time, and the thought of sitting and eating alone at that point, overwhelmed me. It was a strange feeling watching the movie without any interruptions at all, or worrying about keeping the volume low, so that the BB would not be disturbed while he slept. A couple of times, just out of habit, I turned the volume down, only to realise later, there wasn't a little warm body asleep, upstairs! I wonder if I have indeed become a pathetic needy mother.

I was not ready to eat alone, so out I went, into the wet cloudy day. Walked to the ATM, got some cash, and then walked the exact other way, passed by my home, and walked on to the closest mall. And what do you think I did? Bought some clothes for the BB. (Yes, I am hopeless, I know it. But then again, what's so bad about being totally in love with my own child, and wanting to be around him. ) Well, a few of his clothes have gone missing from his day-care. He messed up the clothes he was wearing, and they changed him. The spoiled clothes were wrapped and kept in a plastic. And the ever careless GP, picked up the BB in the evening minus the bag. He did not even realise that the BB was in a different set of clothes. Tells you a lot about men does it not? And now, the clothes are nowhere to be found, so I might as well think them gone. What hurts is they were my favourite sweatshirt and trouser for the BB. Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! Anyway, the shopping really did cheer me up, just as I expected it would. I definitely did take all the time in the world, so that I could stay away from home. Came in really late and hungry. Gobbled up some leftovers for lunch, and by then it was time to prepare dinner. And I was happy to have that to do.

The BB came home, and I felt like, I could breathe again. I showed him his new clothes, and he loved them, wanted to wear almost all of them together. That made me really glad. And before you knew what was happening, from his day in pyjamas, he immediately shifted into his swanky new clothes and pranced around the house. Money well spent, is what I will say!

But I realise now, that I need to work on being alone at home, without wanting to run out and away. And I also understand, that when I actually get the alone time, it is not as wonderful as it was in my imagination. For all my pretense of frustration at having no time alone, I now know, that I really can't handle it. I have re-learn the joys of being alone doing my own thing. Because once the BB starts school, and I am still home bound, I will end up with serious bouts of depression. What a roller-coaster journey, motherhood is!

What Is Racism?

Some of the new found radical misguided notions views on eradicating racism, really leaves me baffled wondering, how exactly do people think. No, don't get me wrong, I am as against discrimination as one can get, discrimination of any form at all, racism being just one of the forms. Its the basic understanding of the concept, where I vary from much of the stuff I come across. Our mind, gets its input from the senses, and forms its pictures, opinions and thoughts. So I would really need to shut my eyes when evaluating a person, if I don't want to know what the colour of their skin is or what clothes she wears, or close my ears and not hear what language she speaks. It is natural for our brain to process the information it receives through the sensory organs, and form its opinions.

I for one cannot look at a person with fair/white skin and not think of it as belonging to a Caucasian, or hear someone speak in a certain accent and not relate it to a country of origin. I don't think, perceiving the obvious physical differences, as being different, is racism. It is when seeing a particular skin colour triggers a stereotype in our mind, and we behave accordingly, that it is racism. That is what I think. But to say, don't call a black man black, is like expecting me to be blind. That I treat him differently than others is racism according to me. But then again, why is it not racist when I treat a certain kind of people better than the rest, why is it labelled racism, only if a certain section is treated badly. A simple example, why is it racist behaviour, when a person is treated poorly based on the colour of skin, but not if a person gets preferential treatment due to their skin colour. Have you ever heard a complaint, from a person saying, 'Its racist that I receive better service at the restaurant just because I am black/white/brown/xyz'. And though I don't know if I am correctly deriving this, but does the human mind process racism, only when there is negative discrimination, and not when its beneficial to them? It feels like a person, who cribs about being minority in a society, and how that's discriminating, but does not feel the same way, when the same factor gets them into quota for admissions to colleges or finding work.

But does the true definition of racism include only the negatively impacting discrimination, or is it discrimination in any form at all. I don't know. But for all practical purposes, it seems to only include the negative discrimination. However, I have digressed from my original line of thought. Coming back to it. Racism is not in the observation of our senses, but in what our mind makes of those observations. I think it is taking it to stupid heights, when it becomes racist, to describe a person by the colour of their skin. I for one am brown, and I am an Indian, and I don't think its racist in any way at all, if anyone says that. It would be, only if they treated me differently, because of the above attributes of my persona. And while, I hate to say it, I think India happens to be one of the most racist countries that exists. The immediate change of attitude towards different colour of skin, exists so abundantly, not only within its boundaries, but the attitude abounds aplenty outside too. The immediate change of attitude towards people, who are white skinned, is just revolting. From being overly polite to the face, to bitching and name calling through the teeth, behind their backs, it simply disgusts me. Why does there have to be any classification at all. Why can the person not be thought of as a person alone, whatever the race? I will never openly admit it, or say it to people here, but the fact remains, as is.

Racism I say again, is not in accepting the facts as is, but it is how we process it in our minds, and react to it. A non-racist, would accept, that another person belongs to a different race, but treat him just the same as he does everyone else.

[PS - please excuse if this post makes no sense, my own thoughts need a little more ironing on this subject.]

Of Duryodhan And Yudhishthir

Its really been ages, since I read or even heard the Mahabharat. I hope I someday get to read the unabridged version of it. Its a tale, where every page has a lesson for the keen reader, where every word has a spiritual parallel. Its as interesting and as complex as a plot can get.

Today, when I sat down to write this post, I was suddenly reminded of this bit from the epic. Details, are foggy in this old hag-brain of mine, what I do remember though, is the basic story. At one point in the youth of the Pandavs and Kauravs, Duryodhan was told to go and find one man, who he felt was truly and completely virtuous, Yudhishthir on the other hand was told to go out and find a man, he felt was completely evil. I think the task was set for them by Bhishma, and they were given a time limit of six months, but I maybe completely wrong on both counts. However, at the end of the time period, both the young princes return without a man they felt, suited their search. On being asked why, Duryodhan said that, even the best man he saw, had some flaw or evil in him, which prevented him from being completely virtuous, and Yudhishthir said, that even the worst man he could find, had atleast one redeeming virtue in him.

Just shows that how the world is in fact a reflection of our own mind and thoughts. The world around us is as good or as bad, as is our own mind. It is what we have in our minds, that is reflected in what is outside. And that is the reason, why the same thing, does not feel the same to two different persons. I have noticed that when I am in a melancholy mood, pretty much everything I look at, adds to it, while the same things feel neutral or joyous at other times. When I am upset, I am flooded with all bad memories from the past, even things that mean nothing anymore. And those memories, just work to increase my anxiety. On the other hand, there have been times, when I am happy, and I have gone ahead and called people, who I had swore to myself, I would never speak to again. Suddenly people, who I disliked, do not seem to deserve so much of my wrath or dislike anymore. And then I realise, how happy would a person like Yudhishtir be, because he sees the good more than he does the bad. What a virtuous man he himself must be to have an outlook like that.

So could our view of the world around us, be the simplest test of what kind of person we are then? And is our happiness, infact all in our own mind?

A Feminist Re-Born

Well, so the training I was singing praises about is finally over. Yesterday was our last session. And yes, I am sad. My Wednesdays will not be the same. Being in a room full of opinionated, intelligent, strong, passionate and yet extremely compassionate women, would leave anyone a richer and smarter person. I did a lot of foot-in-mouth stupidities, and yet I never felt judged. I go on the phone for the first time tomorrow, so I need all the good wishes and blessings I can get. But that is not what this post is about. This is about something that was discussed, at the end of the session yesterday, and left me wanting to say a lot, and more importantly once again brought to the fore my thoughts on the topic of feminism.

It was a five minute, self evaluation on how we felt at the end of the training, and it was then that I realised, that like a lot of other things in life, I had, through this training come to a full circle around my opinions and views on feminism. As a child growing up, I felt very strongly against the inequality between men and women or rather girls and boys as I saw it at that age. I saw it everywhere, in families who were part of the educated, moneyed middle-class of society, the stinking rich, the poor, it happened everywhere. When I look back now, I find it a bit surprising, that I was so infuriated by the situation, especially considering the fact, that being an only child, I did not have to deal with any such issue in my own life. But like most issues that are related to inequality and discrimination of any kind, I was passionate about it. But things changed.

The past few years, the term feminism, had me looking at it cynically. I had seen just way too many women, use it as a ruse to act selfishly. Rich women, with loving families, who don't want to do their part, women who use it as an excuse to reap the benefits and shy away from the duties. Feminism is not about getting the upper hand in every marital discord, or not breast feeding, or making sure that a woman does not take care of her children just because the father is not doing so(because he was at work), or yes, claiming she does not need to cook, because her husband does not... may I add here, that she does not do anything else concretely either. Yes, I have met and heard of women like that. I have heard about the huge fuss being made about continuing with her maiden surname after marriage, by women who actually do continue with it anyways. And while I agree, that it should be a woman's free-will, what name or surname she wants to use, at whichever point of time in her life, it just takes away from the real issues a feminist is fighting for, issues that determine the course of a woman's life. I think such women in the name of feminism, take away from what feminism is all about, they completely dilute the severity of the true cause. No I am not supporting women, who think they have the right to drink till they throw up, in the name of feminism, or women who think they should have many casual sexual encounters because men do, in the name of feminism, or women who say they are feminists and can hence sneer upon others who are more traditional in their outlook or lifestyle. And that being the case, I had become quite disillusioned about feminism.

And then I joined this organisation which is openly feminist in its views. Initially, I was not sure, how I would fit in, based on my the existing view of feminism and feminists. But then things changed. As I learnt and discussed, about the real issues facing women, violence, lack of rights, stereotyping, lack of options and choices, being controlled and dominated, being left alone with children and without any money to fend for themselves, I left more than one training session, enraged, angry and disturbed. And in the process found once again my true passion for feminist causes and issues. Being a mother now, just sensitises me more. And I found the gap between the true feminist, and the pseudo-feminist.

A feminist is a person(yes it could be a man too), who in actuality is bothered by discrimination or inequality of any kind, and is particularly sensitive to the issues, faced by women, because they are women, whether in her personal life or professional. That is how I define the feminist. A feminist would feel equally for a friend who is a victim of domestic violence, as she would for the poor homeless one, because she does not discriminate based of social or financial status of a person. She would feel for the boy, of a rich business family, who is taken out of school to work in the family business, while his sisters go on to college and more, just as much for the girl, who is taken out of school, to earn some to contribute to the family income, while her brother is allowed to do as he pleases. But yes, the feminist, would fight a bit harder for the girl, because she is after all a feminist. A feminist does not say all men are d*$#, but she is strong enough to stand up against any man(or woman) who takes away from any woman's basic human rights. And so, yes, that is me a re-born feminist. And believe me, I will fight any woman who tries to dilute the true issues, and problems facing women, with their fluff about the right to smoke.

*sigh* I feel liberated! And this was so important to get off my chest, that well past mid-night, I am up typing this, because I had to say it. Cheers to all the feminists of the world.