The Boy With Wants and Observations

Did I tell you, or have I told you often enough, how much I adore my child. To me, he is the best in the world, and how can it be any other way. All mothers, fathers, doting grandparents, aunts and uncles will know exactly what I am talking about. Well, the thing is the GP is a minimalist, his only passions are gadgets, the only thing he is willing to spend good money on, besides for the family, for his own pleasure. If he could get away with it, he would not add anything to his wardrobe for atleast a decade. His wants are very limited, and he is or used to be amazed at my ability to shop non-stop. I am a woman, I love shopping, retail therapy, or should I say I used to. Not to say it makes me unhappy to buy things for myself now, but the intense desire to get myself things, to spend the hard earned buck, has diminished markedly over the past year of my spiritual growth.

Coming to the BB, he has been a minimalist child forever. Its because of my desire to see him in varied clothes, and his growth alone, that new clothes are added on consistently, he could not care less. He has never wanted a toy, or a anything at all. I don't remember ever going to a shop, where he has expressed a want for something. Its upto us, to see what interests him, and then buy it for him. The least he does, is picks one of two or three options we show him. So this weekend was a first of its kind. Last Valentine's we had bought the BB his first bicycle, and he loved it. For months he would use his legs to move it around, and then after a few months, he suddenly got the hang of pedaling, and its been a non stop riot of fun ever since. Of late however, the doting father, felt he had outgrown the bike, the knees were touching the handlebars, when he pedaled and things. I feel he is quite alright on the bike still. So this weekend, we went to a departmental store, and the GP let him try on a bigger bike. He wanted to ride it back home trust me. And starting Friday evening, there was a chant of, "Want big bike. Bring big green bike from shop." haunted the household. That was all he spoke about when he went to bed, that is all he said when he was half asleep. I was amazed. Finally there was something my son really wanted! And so Sunday evening, we went and got him the new big bike, and man does he love it. Its got a brake too, and he got the hang of it pretty quickly. He pretended there were traffic lights, and stopped when it was red, turned when there was a signal to turn. It feels wonderful to have bought him something he really wanted!

When he woke up today morning, the first thing he did was rush downstairs, rode on the bike for a bit, and then came back upstairs to get dressed for kinder. :) And then he noticed. You see, the GP now uses a motor-bike to travel to and fro from work. Parking is a nightmare near his workplace, and using public transport involves a lot of walking, which he does not particularly enjoy. So the point is, he burnt a couple of his trouser legs, while riding, since they flap around the hot exhaust pipe. And no, he has not, and is not buying new ones! So the BB, all dressed waiting for his father, has the following conversation with his father.

BB - Papa, what is that?(Pointing to the burn marks)
GP - The trouser got burnt.
BB(unhappy) - Wear other one.
GP - I don't have another one, we will get one over the weekend.
BB - Get papa pants, weekend!

That maybe the new chant for the week, but what I am interested in finding out, is if the father will give in to the son's demand? Because with me, it can be gruff no, that puts an end to all conversation, but that will definitely not work with the son!



 

A True Role Model

It never ceases to amaze me, how truly great people, never blame the circumstances, no matter how tough it gets. They harbour no malice for people who may have treated them in ways, that is nothing short of cruel. I wish that someday, I am able to achieve such a mentality, where I can look beyond any negative influences in my life. It is not that I have never tried, and that is possibly why, I appreciate even more, the people who are capable of doing it, because its not easy. Came across this article in the newspaper yesterday, and it left me, inspired and in awe.

This is a 27 year old woman called Rukhma Lakshman Kale, residing in a village in Maharashtra. She is a volunteer with UNICEF, and is working to help young girls and women in villages, by encouraging them to go to school, as well as by teaching them basic life skills like personal hygiene, basic banking and accounting and so on. Inspiring enough just for this, but what really amazed me, was her personal story, for which she holds no grudges. She was made to live in a cowshed with a newborn baby, and yet all she says is, "It could have happened to anyone.". How many of us can ever be that gracious? We crib and bitch for hours about minor incidents we might have experienced at work, or with in-laws. And here is a woman, who  is a single mother, bringing up her child alone, with no grudges, and actually doing something concrete to make a difference to the society.

And that is what I think a true role-model should be like. truly inspiring, in every aspect. Unfortunately we look at models and actresses as your goals for body image, and then think we are good enough ourselves to not need to change ever. And we shortchange ourselves for life that way. Because we don't believe in really changing or trying to excel as a person. I am inspired by women, people like Rukhma. Who are truly role-models and  are actually acting for change. Who or what inspires you?

A While Back...

This is the only kind of household wildlife I had to deal with, give or take a few houseflies.
These pics are from the day we cleaned up and put to order the garden of our home in Melbourne, before handing over the keys.

Look at what we found hiding in a corner, while removing the weeds.

Something we could happily put on our palms, and be friendly with.....

..... but that's not all.
It was never me, who was brave enough to do it.
Now see whose hand the snail rested on!

The BB was learning about animals and their lifecycles at his nursery then, and was very excited with the snails. We even put them in a mug of water for a while, and treated them like our pets, till the poor creatures escaped for dear life. :)

Backyard Wildlife

I have never ceased to be amazed at the wonderful wildlife I have been seeing around, since I shifted into my new home. Some of them land up in my own backyard, and I managed to click a few. What I have not been able to capture however, are the gorgeous butterflies, that I see all around the place. Larger than the average size, and what vibrant colours! When I manage to get shots of that, I am definitely going to share them here. And there are birds too, white cockatoos, turkeys, and some birds I have no clue about. However, these are the only ones I have photographic evidence of.

On the grill of the door leading to our backyard, one evening.

This one had a huge web when we shifted in, and unfortunately we had to get rid of it, to make the place safe.

Another huge spider.

The gorgeous bush tailed possum, we spot around the house often after dark.

Bulletin Board Friends

It worries me, it bothers me, and when I let it grow, it claws at me heart. No, I am no perfect person, I know it. And for all the flaws I have, I used to take relationships and friendships seriously, a bit too much at times I think. But experience made me harder, the part of the heart that was soft and nurtured loving relationships, kept getting hurt and healing time and again, and finally the scab never went away. It replaced, the softness there, with its hard shell, and is now there to stay. But as they say, old wounds hurt more than new ones, because their roots still lie within.

What prompts me to say this? Well, besides, it being a totally crappy day today, its the second time this week, I received communication from someone, who does not have time to even send out a one line e-mail in a whole year. It is strange how people, who cannot spare five minutes in a whole year, suddenly think of me when important happy events come into their life, and expect me to go all ballistic about it. Honestly, I am happy for you, but it is beyond me now to go all gooey over your happiness, because you are one of the reasons I have scab instead of softness in a part of my heart. And well, yes, I remember. Am I being vindictive I wonder really, but this is my natural response, because I am hurt and withdrawn.

One of my oldest friends, who pretty much takes no efforts ever to stay in touch, facebook et all, all being in place. Every time I have called her, she has told me how busy she is with life, and cannot find time. Truth be told I have heard this from many people, and it either means the person thinks I have no life and hence can devote all my time to them, or they simply don't want to stay in touch. It could be either, so again after repeated mistakes, I have learnt to step away, and let them lead their really busy lives. And yes, I don't believe anyone is ever that busy!! Coming back to my friend, I last spoke to her on Diwali, when I called, which was I think almost a year since I had last spoken to her, and I admonished her for not staying in touch. She said things would change, which obviously did not. And I finally decided I had tried, enough and was just not willing to be anyone's doormat anymore, so I gave up. It hurt more because she to me always was a dear friend, and to know how little I must have meant to her, to not even try to maintain a relationship, is what pricked me the most I believe. That was that, till last week, I got a cryptic, telegram like mail from her, telling me she was having a baby. 2 lines, and that was it. I know its mean, but I am too hardened after the many many years that things have been this way between us, to know how to react. I felt like an in-law, whom, one needs to inform of such happenings in their life, no matter how unwillingly its done. I replied back, congratulating her husband and her, and just could not go on any further, because my resentment still stands strong. And I wonder what is the point of it all anyway, if we are not even going to be in touch. I hated myself for being this way. And yes, what I thought was a closed chapter was reopened with pricking and clawing yet again. I wish I was bigger, I could let go, and reply with a huge long mail, and maybe more, but it has been so so so many times now, that I just don't have the will left to be the one trying to make it work, while she as always remain busy.' I should have anyways seen this coming since the many times you have happily forgotten even my birthday, to drop me a line of wishes. I just feel like a fool, that I let you mean so much to me, when I did not mean a dime to you. I feel like a fool, that I actually missed your wish, even though I had so many others wishing me truly and deeply.

The second mail arrived today. Again an old friend, from work. He had moved away and gotten too busy to stay in touch. Many many mails and messages remain unanswered over the years. And today there is a mail saying he is getting married, and with a positive claim, knowing I will have loads to ask him, and that he is eagerly waiting for me queries. I understand his excitement and joy, wanting to share it with someone, but then why me? Cannot just drop someone off, and then pick them up from wherever you like, whenever you like. I just did not know what to say. I congratulated him, and replied, saying I unfortunately have not much to ask, but would love to hear whatever he has to tell.

I realised a lot of things from these interactions.

The older a relationship, the greater is its power over us. I was more worked up by the first mail than the second. I have more resentment towards my oldest friend than the guy who I worked with.

Relationship dynamics don't change much, unless both people are ready to make it work. One person cannot work for two in any relationship.

While it may feel good to be the better person, trying your best in a friendship, persisting, eventually it breaks down my self esteem, and makes me feel like a door mat being trampled on, when the other person will not as much as turn their head, to maintain it.

Closure works for me, when I stay away from the source of hurt, it comes back with a bang, if the person comes back.

I have become a lot harder, and I am not happy about that, over the years. I hate being resentful and mean, I hate it.

I want to believe its their loss and not mine, but it is me who feels hurt and not them. I don't know what karmic debt I owe to these people. But I have paid enough really!

If the basic values between me and someone is different, its best not let the person into my heart and mind, because no matter how good things seem to begin with, eventually, we will grow apart, and I for one will always hate that.

I don't expect people to call me everyday, I understand that it gets too expensive for a lot of my friends in other parts of the world. But how much does an e-mail cost you? Once a month? No one in the world can honestly claim that they cannot spare 5 minutes in a whole month, so please stop giving me stupid excuses. And how hard is it to hit the reply button on your e-mail, and jot down a few lines to a truly concerned person. A lot possibly, when the person is a bother more than a boon. Good enough. Let me walk away now. I am trying hard to maintain control and not tell you all of this personally, because I don't want to be the prick in the balloon of your joy. I just wish I had it in me, to be indifferent enough, to not be bothered at all by all of this. I hate this state of resentment, I just hate it!

Darn these kids!

Do you know I have actually started writing posts, that I am not publishing? I cannot believe I am actually doing that, but I am. But I have a reason, and I will tell you. These are posts I write with honest thought and passion, mostly with strong opinions for or against something. Yes, I know they are my thoughts, this is my space, and I can put it up. But I don't want to. Simply because even though I truly believe in what I write, I know others who might be hurt by what I say, and I don't mean to do that. And so while I am getting the freedom and actually writing it out, I am not putting it up there, simply because hurting anyone is not the purpose, my views are mine, and others have every right to think and feel differently. Isn't it?

So anyways, for someone who can barely manage to type in two para posts once a week or even less, that is quite a luxury as you might guess. I am trying to figure out my son these days. He has suddenly developed a lot of opinions, and wants. The other day, the GP had the most hilarious conversation with him.

GP - Do you want a dog?
BB - No, I want a Possum!
(possum for a pet?????)

After a while, the GP pursues,

GP - BB, do you want a dog?
BB - No, I want a horse.

And since then a horse is what it has been. The GP ofcourse is faking desperation, to hide his amusement, and wondering aloud, from where in earth would he get a horse, and then where he would keep them.

The BB also has a new passtime, filling and emptying every bottle, sipper, flask he can lay his hands on in the house, in an unending cycle. Yes, I am terribly worried about my water bill people. However, coming to the point, I have been on a constant screeching spree of , "BB, stop wasting water!" Not that it has much effect, but atleast I try. So the other day, the GP was in the kitchen, cleaning up his barbeque grilling plate in the sink, and the BB pipes in, "Mumma, papa is wasting water." I think I was just shocked, stunned, and I could not control my laughter. How quickly do these people connect the dots???

All Grown Up

Its been a while, but I wanted the whole thing to settle down before I announced it out and loud. Yes its the BB, and he is all grown up. Because he sleeps alone in his own room now. Its been almost a month now. He falls asleep on his own, I just get him ready, tuck him in and wish him good night. For a while there is blabbering and chattering, but then it becomes all quiet, and I go, cover him up again, and switch off the brighter of his two night lights.

Well there was a heat wave post cyclone Yasi, and we could not sleep without the AC, so the BB was promptly brought back on our bed, and we, the parents, loved it, the BB on the other hand was not too happy with the idea, of leaving his own bed. But then it rained and cooled down and he is back in his room, on his bed. But for now, its such a big grown up step. My lil baby sleeping through the night on his own, who would have thought this day would come!