Somethings Never Change

He loved it more than a year back, and still does. Wonder till when the obsession will last.

Don't Want In!

Eons, of time ago, I used to have a 'career' or to be precise, I worked for money. It was corporate life, a nine to five routine, doing a task that neither excited nor captivated me. I slogged, like a donkey, doing something I did not really care about. It was fun, for a bit because I was fresh out of college, doing office, was a new and thrilling experience, and definitely earning my own money had a great thrill attached to it. But I think a year down the line, the newness wore off and the drudgery and stress began to set in. Five hours of daily travel in public transport, which involved, supremely packed local trains at rush hour, doing something that did not make me happy, in an environment that pretty much numbed my mind, and senses, left me with little joy, besides my paycheck.

Its been a long time now, I quit when I still had something left within to survive, and that was followed by motherhood, and it has been a long vacation ever since. But for a while now, I have been itching to get back to a working life, doing something that would be fulfilling and satisfying, I am feeling the need to get out, and add some more to my days. And while these thoughts are rumbling in my mind, I read a post by LiveOnImpulse, and it brings back to me all my corporate nightmares, vividly. And suddenly, my resolve to not go back into the crazy corporate jungle is strengthened yet again. Just as I was ready to just get on the bandwagon yet again, I remembered, exactly why I had left, and why I never can go back again. I am not suitable to work in on office, that is just the way I am. I connect with people as people, and I cannot spend most of my waking hours with some, who I can neither like, nor trust. Its a dog eat dog world out there, and being quite incapable of clever manipulations, I end up being all bitter, angry and frustrated. I was at work for just over three years, in an IT firm, as a fresher, and even then I can say, I saw it all. Groupism, male bonding, excessive bitching, young girls pretending to flirt to get a senior's favour, men trying to score with their female colleagues one way or another, cheap, dirty politics, using the communal angle to gain the boss' favour, ganging up against people, pretending to work, and ofcourse blatantly flattering and sweet talking the boss, using connections to get an foreign onsite posting, even blackmailing for the same. A great example of flattering the boss, was when a rather senior member of our team, ordered a cake for our project manager, to commemorate the day they found her lost passport in UK. All I could think was...... WOW! I cannot do it, I just cannot. I will move mountains for you, if I really bond and connect, but otherwise, I just cannot pretend. I can maintain professional relationships with people, but it has to be a two way thing, and that is the only way it works for me.

Coming back, reading the post brought back to me, a particular thing we worked for in our project, which probably became the bane of my corporate existence. I worked on a project that managed a billing software for a telecom giant. Now the client being an old company had various discount schemes in place, and wanted to simplify the process, by forming one simple discount scheme, that would be applicable to all its customers. It was called UDS (Unified Discount Scheme) or VDS (Volume Discount Scheme). The concept was simple enough, the more you spend, or commit to spend, the greater is your discount. And that is all it was. There were slabs(quite like the income tax ones) and depending on which slab the customer belonged to, his discount was calculated. I hope I have not lost anyone here, but to make it clearer, each of the telecom customers, had to commit to a certain amount, say x, that they would spend. Now based on where x, fit into the discount table, his discount percentage would be fixed too. Suppose the table gives 5% to anyone who spends upto 30, 7.5% to anyone who spends between 31 and 60 and 10% to anyone who spends above 60, so if x is 43, the discount for the customer would be 7.5%. That is all this scheme was about. I read about it the first time, and thought this is so straight forward and simple, and left it that. That possibly was my biggest mistake.

There were conference room meetings to explain this to the team every couple of days. I used to sit through them silent, because I did not think it complicated at all. But then at one point I started wondering if I was over simplifying something, that was actually not quite that easy. I went through the documents again, and they just reinforced my understanding of the scheme. But the way the rest of my colleagues pretended to be solving a very complex problem, it just left me surprised. I say pretended, because if I can understand it, it should be nothing to someone, who has been working in that field for over 13 years right? But that did not seem to be the case. The girl who had joined with me, F, joined the bandwagon, pretended to be all indepth into it, something that did not have much depth if you ask me, she was shifted to a more 'important' subgroup, I guess because she was so enthusiastic and committed. Some of my senior colleagues, came and praised her abilities and understanding to me, and I still remained dumb, because the thing still looked so damn simple to me, that I did not understand what was so difficult to understand in it, by trained professionals, what was the damn fuss all about? And it was then that I realised, that working in an office, is not just about doing your job, doing it well or efficiently, but a hell lot about showing, possibly showing, more than actually doing the work. I could not deal with it, more because it hurt to see a project manager, who had spent years in her job, not being able to distinguish between true efficiency and pretense of dedication. When we had started on our project, F and I were given the same work, I would finish mine in half a day, and she would take 2 days to do the same. And trust me it was basic simple testing work, nothing that needed loads of time. But completing the job well in time, did not get labeled as efficiency, instead staying late on the day of the deadline, and doing it was termed as dedication. And that kind of pretense is just not my cup of tea.

I had two options, if I planned to continue to work there, either to give up, join them, and do what they all did, or accept my fate, and learn to live with bitterness and disgust. Since I could not deal with either, and I was fortunate enough to have the option of doing it, I quit. And believe me the first few months after I left, I could feel my irritation, anger and bitterness gradually dissolving, restoring me to my former self. And that is one of the reasons, I never ever want to go back to corporate life, where I need to fight and compete, and my efficiency alone,is not good enough for me to make my mark. Ofcourse, IT is not really my cup of tea either, and I don't want to fill my days doing that either. And when these memories come back to me, I feel happy and content being at home, not fulfilling my day maybe, but atleast away from negative influence.

[This is in no way to demean IT professionals, who work really hard and well, and more importantly enjoy their work. I have many a friend in the field, I should know! And maybe not every office or group is this way. And it is my personality because of which I cannot deal with the situation in an assertive way, and I really admire all the people, who manage their careers positively without getting overwhelmed.]

Addendum - Would really like to know if you get the UDS/VDS concept or does it really seem complicated to anyone???

What's Not To Like?

About a weekend, that brings in this.



Before anyone gets overwhelmed, all of it, is budget shopping, my favourite kind, to gear ourselves for the upcoming winters, since we have very little to keep ourselves warm in the outdoors. Lived in warm places the last few years, so never needed much, but its just autumn now, down here, and we are already feeling the chill! But whatever the reason, and whatever the merchandise, shopping always makes me happy. Yes, I am as shallow and materialistic as one gets.... and unfortunately have no shame admitting it. Still beaming with the weekend hangover, yes, that's me.

I Have A 'Partner'

Its been a few weeks now, since I have been wondering about how certain things in Australia are in complete contrast to how it is in India. Small little things keep coming to me every now and then, about how diametrically opposite the two countries are in their social set up. I have neither lived here long enough, nor do I know enough people to know it all, and hence these are just my minimal observations, no absolutes, and definitely no judgments.

I was talking to one of the BB's carers at the day care centre he attends, when I went to drop him. She was talking to me and mentioned the GP as, 'your partner'. It took me a second to let it sink in. And there have been a few other occasions, when I was asked if I had a partner, or who is my partner and such like. When we were newly married, it used to take both the GP and me quite a bit of effort to use the words husband and wife, to talk about each other to others, but over seven years, that has kind of sunk in. Though I still prefer mentioning the GP by his name, instead of as 'my husband', but the 'husband' has infact become a familiar territory. And now it goes to partner. I can imagine in my head going back to India and mentioning to the GP as my 'partner' and getting the looks, and sniggers. (Just to mention, not everyone I know in India is open minded, liberated and ultra modern.) Infact back in India, if anyone mentioned someone as their partner, I would not really know what exactly to make of it. What I am still not clear about here, is whether, 'partner' is the general umbrella term for anyone who is a boyfriend/girlfriend/live-in-partner/husband, or is it just about someone one lives with. Whatever it is, I will need to now condition myself to accept the fact that I have a 'partner'!

Having grown up in India, in the era of Doordarshan, population control is ingrained in every cell of my being. Remember the seedy ads of Nirodh and Mala D? Pseudo intellectuals like me, thrive on the illusion of being 'educated' and aware of our birth control needs. People who go beyond the two child limit, set by the hum do hamaare do(Two of us and two of ours) slogan of the government agencies quite seem like nincompoops, who can only claim to be lame. And then there are financial constraints ofcourse, each child born would require donations for admissions from the around-the-corner playschool right up to their PhD degree if they wish to slog till then. That is what my mind is used to thinking as the way to be. And here I come to Australia, a land where the government pours in huge amounts of money in the hands of parents, each time they add to the population of the country. Pretty much every mother I meet here has three children or more, almost every time I see families out on weekends and holidays, they are with three or four kids. And it has yet to stop striking me as being in such stark contrast to urban India, where we usually have atleast one and in many cases two parents per child. Coming from a country which is bursting at seams, with the amount of people it has, to a country, that is desperately trying to increase its population, the difference would not be lost even on the blind.

One of the things I am loving here, is greeting or atleast smiling at people, we pass by, on the streets or parks, and even if its a male, my smiling at him does not mean anything more than a polite greeting. Its easier to just nod or smile, than to force my line of sight elsewhere, when another human being is in close proximity. I used to hate having to do that earlier, that or stony stares returned in the like, smiling at an unknown male was quite out of the question of course. A friend, who brought in his Indian bride here, was rather worried at how she would blend in, since she never smiled at unknown people, or even the people handling the cash counters at different stores, which is quite the norm around here. And the reason was simple enough, we don't really go around smiling at everyone back home, because its not taken well in the Indian social structure. And to change a habit held for close to three decades in a few months, is not a mean task. While a girl or woman smiling at random strangers maybe taken as a definition of bad character somewhere, not doing the same is perceived as being rude some place else.

The one thing I am desperately missing here though, is my favourite juice, the orange-carrot blend, without additives. Its crazy to see how every damn bottle/tetra-pack of juice that I pick up, has additives. The funniest was, one that boldly claimed 'no added sugar', and had sucrose in its ingredients. Even the ones without preservatives or sugar, have added vitamins and taste enhancers. There is virtually no option of buying additive-free juice. So even the possibly healthy drink option of a juice, is not quite that healthy, once you do look at the contents. If there is some place that sells, additive-free, plain and simple juice, I am still to find it. In fact, for the first time in my life, I have actually started looking at labels and the ingredients before buying the products.

And with each passing day, these little things are feeling a little less different to me, hopefully a sign that I am settling in. And yet it is quite impossible to not always be able to spot the difference, when I have grown up in society which varies so much in certain ways. I am making a new home here, but the one I have grown up in, will always hold a special place in my heart!

Nothing To Write

Too Many Things On My Mind,
Yet, very little to do,
Blogging needs its own time,
The lack of which I rue.

The mind is confused,
My thoughts astray,
So what can I then write?
In my attempts to get inspired,
I end up with a more confused mind.

Its not that I have too much to do,
Nor that I am a busy bee,
But the mind is just not calm enough,
To get a post out of me.

At least I get to read the blogs,
Of those who have things to say.
And I feel thankful to the Lord,
That not every mind is rotting my way.

Energy Cleansing

I believe very deeply in energies emanating from all living beings, what is also commonly referred to as vibes. I am sure everyone has felt it at some point of time or another in their life. Sometimes a being in a certain place or in the presence of a certain person, just fills one up with peace, calm, happiness and certain other places or people suddenly gives us the creeps, without any apparent reasons. Those are the kind of vibes I am talking about. I came across this wonderful article about clearing ourselves of negative energy, that may come our way, and thought I will share it with people who read my blog, and hopefully it can be used by you too. If you are interested in vibes or energies, you will see that various lines of thought, do meet and intersect at various points on this topic, like yoga, meditation, reiki, even ayurveda at points. There are commonalities in all of them, about the seat of energy in our bodies, what organs hold our negative energy etc. This article too, has a lot of things, that can be found to concur with other lines of thinking, and I t=really liked it, so I am representing the entire article here.

Let Go of Negative Energy: Easy Techniques to Help

(NaturalNews) Ever had a conversation or incident with someone that left you upset for a day or two? Maybe there's someone in your life, perhaps a boss or family member, that this happens with regularly? Energy is exchanged in conversation and in events, and if this happens, you've likely gotten a dose of bad energy. If this happens regularly with certain individuals, it's likely that they're accustomed to spreading it, and also that you're not sure how to let it go. Especially for the more sensitive among us, negative energy can sometimes be hard to let go.

Letting the energy dissipate on its own can sometimes take a day or two, but it's a real bummer when someone else's poor communication, lack of consciousness, or proneness to being emotionally triggered and verbally or otherwise attacking others affects us long after the moment the incident happened in. Fortunately, though, there are a few ways to expedite the removal of negative energy from us and shorten the amount of time it drags down our own consciousness.

One easy way is to simply brush it off. When people often offer this well intentioned advice, they aren't speaking literally - but here we are. Literally, take one hand and brush your arms, legs, head, and back. Understand that energy literally sits around us so wipe your body clean, like you were removing a layer of dust from your skin. You'll instantly feel better as the cloud of bad energy is brushed from your immediate surroundings. It's best to do this outside and ideally in nature. As the primary method, any other method should be used after this one.

Another technique is to shrug it off by shrugging your shoulders, literally. Energy, especially the energy of resentment, which is the feeling that someone has done something wrong to you, often sits in our shoulders - along our gallbladder meridian. By shrugging your shoulders up and down several times, you're helping that energy move and when it moves, it can be removed - instead of sitting stuck inside you.

Blowing it off is another technique that can help and again, literally. So breathe deeply and exhale quickly and forcefully through your mouth. This will help remove the poor energy from your internal environment.

Sea salt can also transmute negative energy. An easy solution is to combine a couple tablespoons of quality sea salt with a couple tablespoons of coconut or olive oil. Then, mix it with a cup of hot water to dissolve the sea salt and pour it slowly over your head and body in the shower. Massage it into your scalp and body for a few minutes to create your own at-home negative energy cleansing spa treatment. Afterward your skin will feel wonderful and the energy will be transmuted. Soaking in a bath with a cup of sea salt is also a nice way to relax while releasing bad energy.

As with many problems in the body, deep body cleansing can help too. This is especially true, if you're the one who's spreading the negative energy because it's likely you're holding quite a bit inside - and it often stays stuck and held in place by toxicity. Colon and liver cleansing are particularly helpful because stuck emotions often reside in the colon, and a toxic liver easily feels anger. In fact, if your liver is clean, it's difficult to feel anger on any sort of regular basis. However, stuck emotions that trigger us or drag down our consciousness can be anywhere in the body and if this is the case, deeper cleansing will be needed to remove them.

The Romance Of A Lifetime

I love writing. Writing on paper, just about anything. When I was in junior school, I would just pick up a magazine or a book, and start copying the text on a notebook, on the pretext of improving my handwriting, but actually just enjoying writing. Just the feeling of running my writing instrument over a piece of paper, gives me a feeling of amazing calm and sometimes even an inherent feeling of happiness of some sort. I love writing, the old fashioned way.

The world today though is a world of electronic writing. Its all typed on our computers, and stored, writing on paper, is time consuming, and wastes precious resources as well, we are meant to believe. And without a doubt, the electronic media, gives us greater reach. Blogging cannot happen on paper can it? But that does not mean I don't miss having a legitimate excuse to write on paper. And the sad bit is that with the blitzkrieg of alternative forms of writing, the tools for old-fashioned writing have started to dwindle. And I miss them.

I have a big weakness for stationary, and it has taken me tremendous self control, to actually stop buying some each time, I see it. But of late, I have hardly seen anything that tempts me. I remember when I was in college, a visit to the stationary store would never be complete without atleast one pen purchase. The shopkeeper knew my room-mate and me so well within our first year, that he would always show us the new pens which had arrived, and have the test writing pad out, for us to try it, and pick a new one, or one of our regular favourites. I just loved pens, and the Mitsubishi ball point, the Reynolds Jetter and Reynolds Fine, were my regular favourites. My criteria when selecting a pen, is a fine nib. I am no fan of 'bold' writing, nor of fat, blunt nibs. I like my nibs to be fine and precise, and that was the main reason that these were my favourite pens, besides of course the fact that the price suited my pocket beautifully. The 'jetter' happened to be quite a precious possession in those days prices at Rs.18.

The images have been picked from their official website.(http://reynolds-india.com and http://www.uniball.com.au/ballpoint_range.html)

My favourite though is a classic fountain pen. I love filling ink in my pen from a bottle, and writing with it, somehow, feels very grand and classy. And I believe it is also a lot more environment friendly than using up huge amounts of plastic for the ball points and gel pens, where often there is no option to even replace the refill, and the pen simply needs to be discarded as a whole.College, required loads of writing, and high speed at that, so the ball points were favoured heavily over the fountain pens, but my love for them never really ebbed. Back in the era, when I first started writing with a pen, in school, it was compulsory to use ink-pens, and I think my fascination began right then. I remember spending hours washing my pens in warm water, cleaning them with a brush, sourcing syringes and needles to re-fill the cartridges, of the pens that could only be used with cartridges. It was something I loved doing. I even had a pen than had once belonged to my long deceased grandfather, and a Sheaffer at that. I adored that pen. But somehow its been a while now, since I have used an ink pen, and I cannot even find my favourite ball points here. So I ended up stocking on a pile of cheap thick nibbed, disposable pens, for use around the house, when I got here, but was rather unhappy about it.

So I started searching for reasonably priced fountain pens, from all my online research, the stores that seemed to be selling them, had only very high end ones, with prices in the region of $100, as a start. I was surprised, and saddened to know, that fountain pens seemed to have become a thing for connoisseurs only now. Students here, are not required to write with ink-pens when they receive their pen licence and are permitted to shift to a pen from a pencil, and that possibly is the main reason that fountain pens cannot be easily sourced around here. And I kept looking till, I found a store that sells mini-fountain pens really cheap at $1.75. Was I over joyed or what? I promptly walked up to the store and bought myself two. They did not sell the cartridges, and had only a cartridge each, in the pens, to start me off, and I was to buy the cartridges from elsewhere. And it is then that I realised that those plastic contraptions called ball-points and gel pens have so taken over the world, that it is almost impossible to find ink or cartridges. It took me a few weeks of asking around to find a store which sold them, and even with them, I had to place an order, so that they can source the thing for me. Its close to impossible to get myself a syringe and a needle here, so the cartridges cannot be recycled, and that leaves me with the option of going through the lengthy and expensive procedure of buying cartridges. But whatever it is, I am loving writing with the fountain pens, mini as they maybe.

My latest precious possessions, using them frequently maybe an expensive affair however.

I believe that fountain pens are more environment friendly, and they have a sense of romance and class about them. It would be great to encourage kids to take it up, and make them the preferred writing tools. I would hate to see them become obsolete, or antiquated technology visible only in museums.