What is With Me?????

Oops! I did it again. That people is my middle name. I keep putting myself into stupid sticky situations, and just don't know how to come out of it with my peace of mind intact. I can easily say that its the other people, but I know it is not, it is me, and this is a completely me thing that I need to work on.

Though I am quite well guarded against vulnerability to people, than what I was before, the guard does slip once in a while. And I let people into my heart and emotions, a lot deeper than what I want to, or need to. I like people, in general, and genuinely enjoy communicating with people, knowing them. Of late I have lucked out so many times, found such amazing friends, that I keep wondering, how come?

The issue here though is different, when someone suddenly turns a blind eye or deaf ear to me, for no apparent reason, it bothers me. I was watching 'Samantha Who' just today morning, and something very similar to what I go through. About the series, Samantha is a woman suffering from amnesia, and barely remembers anyone from her past life. So she bumps into a man, her ex-boyfriend on the street, who she had been stalking earlier, and is surprised, by the way he runs away from her. When she finds out the reason, she gets to him by hook or by crook,to let him know that she is not stalking him anymore and does not wish to either. He tries to escape, but she keeps catching up with him, till she tells him her side of the story. I am so like that, I just cannot handle it when I know someone is misunderstanding me, or someone suddenly behaves weirdly without any apparent cause.

I never get it when supposed friends, do a sudden u-turn, and just stay away or shut up, without any visible reason. Though I don't mind them walking out on a friendship or whatever they thought the relationship between us was, I think I have a right to know why. I cannot pretend to be nonchalant, because I am not, and it bothers me when I have invested time and emotions in a relation with someone, and that person simply turns cold. These are not imagined friendships, but a real two way thing, where the person on the other side, has bonded with me and been as open with me, as I have been with them. So it feels very strange when they turn cold, suddenly. It bothers me, and I need to clear the air, if you have an issue, say it out aloud, and leave, but have the sensitivity and etiquette to do that much atleast.

I hardly ever lose close friends, atleast to unknown causes, so when it happens it like a nagging pain, till I know why.This happened recently when someone got in touch online, was very friendly, and shared a lot of things. I was touched at the fact that someone so openly trusted me, and could share so much. And honestly I cannot take people lightly. I did think about this person as a friend then on, as I am sure would anybody, if I went and discussed my entire life with them. But now, there is a sudden point where there is refusal to talk, and I find it strange. Forget about a hi or hello, there is no response to my greetings either. Its OK, if you suddenly feel you don't want to be my friend, there is no rule which says you need to be. I have no intention of invading into anybody's life at all, but I don't like being given a cold shoulder just like that either. I need to put a formal end to this, if there is no continuation, just clear it up and move on for both our sakes. And here I am not talking about someone you meet at the store counter, I am talking about someone, who is a friend, or atleast someone I thought is a friend after the exchanges we had.

I don't expect friends to lay their lives for me, and it is quite understandable if they are busy, or whatever, but I do expect that they will be nice enough to not suddenly run away without a word. the problem with me here is not that I want to maintain the relationship, but that I need to know why. If you come upto me, share your life with me or propose a friendship, I take it seriously, if you don't then please don't come knocking on my door. I take it seriously enough to genuinely care for you, which is not about talking everyday or hugging, or sending gifts each other's way, but it is about caring for you as a person. After I have gladly invested that for someone, coldness from them, is not taken lightly by me. And I do deserve an answer.

Maybe I am naive, and should learn the art of not caring, and not giving a damn. But that is so not me, I try so hard to pull back when I feel myself really beginning to care for someone, but it gets difficult when they put their most vulnerable side right up in front of me. Maybe I need to just not care, but that would just add to my list of undesirable characteristics I have developed over the years, under the guise of practicality. I just don't know what lesson to learn from this, so as not to get into such a mess yet again, ever, because it will bother me till I can talk it out with the said person, and I don't want to turn into stalker Samantha.

Hind Desh Ke Nivaasi Sabhi Jan Ek Hain

Rang roop vesh bhaasha chahen anek hain!

(All people residing in the land of India are equal,
Though colour, looks, attires and languages maybe many.)




The Thakeray(thakeley describes the idiots better, me thinks!) clan of illiterate fools, who know no other language, but Marathi have obviously never seen or understood this absolutely amazing video. This is one of my childhood favourites, and I sneak in a view whenever I can. And when I was watching this with the BB today, the first line just stood out to me, and made me realise, how this was not just a lesson in singular and plural. Such a simple, small animation, and yet so powerful in what it says and preaches. I so so pity those politically motivated, self centered, power hungry crazed loons, who are dividing the country, and acting all righteous to top that. MNS and Shiv Sena are nothing but small time terrorist outfits, and the Indian govt., being the fool that it is, is not realising that and stopping them now, they will wait to regret it, when instead of sticks and stones these people will have guns and bombs in their hands.

I am writing this openly to you Thakerays(From the Shiv Sena, MNS gang of goons), and their either absolutely foolish or totally power lusty ruffians. But then again, you know nothing but Marathi, will you be able to comprehend what is written here, or just continue being the ignorant, stubborn asses you are? Anyways, here goes nothing.

"You are so foolish to think that Maharashtra can be isolated from the rest of India and made to thrive. It cannot. But then being the shrewd people that you are, you possibly already know this, and are doing your bit of drama to get attention and popularity is it not? I wonder how you sleep at night knowing the amount of damage you are causing to the common man's life in India, or to be more precise Maharashtra. All I am suggesting is, that do see the video above, get a person to translate it to you in Marathi, and understand what the video says. We are all Indians, and the whole country belongs to each one of us.

If you cannot do any good to anyone, atleast don't harm people. You are nothing more than a high-school bully scaring the weak and the poor. None of the big entrepreneurs in Bombay are Maharshtrian. Take on the Ambanis, the Tatas or the Birlas for a day or even just a couple of hours if you so believe in your 'cause' , and then you will know your true place. Pathetic, that is the only word I have for you.

PS - ata jha ani ek bhashantarak,shodhun ya ,hey Vaakya samjhayla!!
(Now go, and get a translator to tell you what is written here.) "

I think Maharashtrians, Punjabis, Tamilians, Oriyas and all other communities are equal. Each one has something special to offer to the nation. I don't think Andhra would do well by driving out all Maharashtrians(just an example), just as Maharashtra wouldn't by driving out the rest. And it is high time that everyone started realising this fact, every INDIAN, who believes that he is an Indian more than anything else. No one is better than the other, each one has that special bit about them.

Dialogue Baazi!

I have been tagged, by a blogger, whom I love reading, and I was quite sure she is unaware of my existence till I was tagged. I hopped on to see her new post, and there I saw, right at the end of it all, my name, tagged! A lot of OMGs followed in my mind and my comment, and I was on seventh heaven. I know its uncool to be all awed, by others openly, or that is the attitude I see floating around most times, but then I have never been good at being nonchalant. I have said it before and I am saying it again, I love the blogs I read, and I so admire the writing skills of these bloggers that they are indeed like celebrities to me. So Kiran, I am really overawed by the fact that you know, I exist.

Now to get to the real tag bit of it,

These are the rules:

Here is the first contest for “May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss”.

The rules.

1. On your blog, provide a link to this page. (http://greatbong.net/book). Embedding the above picture in your blog would be nice but not needed.

http://greatbong.net/2010/01/31/may-i-hebb-your-attention-pliss-contest-1/

2. Then write down your top 10 Hindi movie lines or top 10 English movie lines (You can do both if you want. Only one set is required for the contest). If you cannot think of top 10, make it top 5. Cannot think of even 5? Make it top 3. No problem. Only restriction: no two lines from same movie. This done to make it fair for other movies so that they dont get swamped by Gunda or Loha or Sholay.

3. Tag five friends to do the same.

4. Come over to the comment-space of this post and post your blog’s link so I can go and read it.

Remember: Before starting the tag, paste points 1 and 4 on your blog so that the rules are available to anyone who wishes to pick the tag up from your blog.

Now with that done, let me get on with the task of doing this. the sad bit is, that I have a terrible memory, and I just hope I can end up managing to remember atleast a few dialogues completely. Name of the movie..... I will just use google baba for that.

1. Mogambo Khush Hua!
Mr. India

I was just a kid when this one came out, and I think we repeated this dialogue a million times a day, when we got an ice-cream or had fun playing, or whatever.

2. Dosti(or is it friendship???) no sorry, no thank you.
Main ne Pyaar Kiya

Who in our generation can ever forget this movie, or the dialogue? This movie was such a rage, the caps are still selling somewhere, Bhagyashree was every young man's dream and every girl was drooling over Salmaan. And this dialogue, it was repeated each time anyone said Sorry or Thank You.

3.Mere paas maa hai.
Deewar

I like this one, just because it has been repeated so many times, in all kinds of situations, funny, not so funny, and it always manages to bring a smile on my face.

4. Eggjactly!
Salaam Namastey

Javed Jaffery's accent was hilarious, and eggjactly caught on like wild fire.

5. Delnaaz ne kahaa na....
Aankhen

This is not a very famous dialogue, but I like it all the same. Had watched the movie with the GP back in college, and we laughed about this one for a really long time.

6. Chinnoy seth, jinke ghar shishe ke ho, wo dusro pe patthar nahin pheka karte.
Waqt

Just simply because of the powerful delivery by Raajkumar, and more so, because what he says is so true.

7. Rishtey mein toh hum tumhaare baap lagtey hain, naam hai shahenshah.
Shahenshah

Simply - seeti-worthy!

8. Mard ko dard nahin hota.
Mard

How can anyone not adore the power in this dialogue. Such a cliche, but what a dialogue!

9. Iski to balaatkar ho gayi
3 Idiots

I cannot control my laughter, even while just typing this one. Too good!

10. Yeh Dhai Kilo ka haath, jab kisi pe padta hai, toh woh utthta nahin, utth jaata hai
Damini

Sunny Deol, in the only movie I liked him besides Betaab. And the dialogue, so full of Hindi filmi punch.

I did not need to use google, which is amazing, and I could actually remember 10 whole dialogues. Though I strongly feel I have not worded all of them perfectly, but as long as you get what I am talking about, it works!

And this tag is duly passed on to -

Silvara
Nancy
Smitha
Tara
Hitchwriter

Anyone else who wants to pick it up please do, and please leave back a link when you do the tag!

What The Mailman Brought

Today morning, the mailman, rang my door bell, and he had this big package with my name on it. Obviously I eagerly took it, signed off for it, and got down to tearing the package cover.
And see what was inside.....






A gorgeous bag for my new camera. It is part of some promotion by Cannon, I had to mail them my bill, and a cut out of the serial no. from the camera box, and I got this gorgeous camera bag, which can pack in an extra lens, and some more. I am totally in love with it.

Shame Shame Jaspreet Singh

Just after the incident of an Indian man being burnt in my neighbourhood, I had written a post, about the angst and fear I felt. The attacks on people of Indian origin have been happening for a while here and everyone has acknowledged that the violence needs to be controlled in the area, even if whether the attacks are racial in nature or not, is still being debated. This is something the whole world is keeping an eye on at this point of time.

The Victorian government agencies have, but naturally, a defensive attitude. Though they cannot help but accept the fact that there is indeed unnecessary violent attacks happening, and they need to be controlled. Of so many attacks if not all, atleast a few have definitely been racial in nature, and this is the right time, to have the government investigate that and deal with the radical elements in the society. Things seemed to be going right on track, just the right way, till a certain Mr. Jaspreet Singh came up with his grand plans, and gave the government a good reason to pass the buck right back at the Indians.

AN Indian man who said he was set alight by assailants near his Melbourne home last month accidentally burned himself while torching his car for an insurance claim, police allege.

Is what opens the article. And I am stunned. This man, at such a sensitive time, behaved in the most insensitive and unbelievable fashion possible for persona, financial gain. He does not seem to be someone needing money for his daily bread, so this incident just reeks of greed. I will not say..... Indians are like this or that, because I truly believe people belonging to any nationality, would do such things for money, infact so many do it. Insurance fraud is more rampant in western countries, which provide insurance coverage, than does India. The thing is his timing could not have been worse! Just when things were making a headway, the police commissioner accepted the presence of racial elements, and openly spoke about the need to work on it, up comes the i*&#@ Mr. Singh and botches it all up. I personally want to curse him for giving me the terrible scare and entirely spoilt weekend, which included a dinner party, that he did! Each time I saw him walking out of the court on the telly, I felt like throwing something at him. The audacity the man has, to say

He and his wife planned a holiday to India, leaving on February 20 and returning in late April to visit his child and extended family.

Does he have neither sense nor shame? While it would not matter much to me, if this incident had taken place at any other time, in the current situation, he seems to be acting like an agent for the Victorian government, giving them just the excuse they need to shift blame. His stupid stupid act has hurt the entire Indian community and their credibility in the worst way possible right now. The Premier Mr.Johm Brumby, has obviously found exactly what he needed, and is slamming the Indian media and government right back after all the flak they have received from those very quarters. Though i don't see it in the print media, the news on TV yesterday claimed, that Brumby said, people are forming a mistaken opinion of a violent Victoria, because of people like Jaspreet Singh. I don't know if he has really said that, but if he has, he needs a reality check.

It is just sad, that a time when India and Indians needed to be in the right, so that the attacks on the Indians here could have been rightly investigated, a fellow Indian has let us down so bad. Shame Shame Jaspreet Singh, I am really really disappointed with you.

Another piece of investigation about an Indian, Ranjodh Singh killed in NSW, led to murderers, who themselves are Indians, and so it can be safely said, the killing was not racial in nature, esp since it was done by people of the very same community. Yes, community is very important people, never should an Indian forget that whether he is living in India or abroad. I don't know whether I should be happy or not, but honestly at a very personal level, I am ashamed of the show of communal-ism we Indians portray. When I looked up Indian associations in the neighbourhood, this is what I found. These are separate associations for Punjabis, Bengalis, Maharashtrians, Kahmiris, Telegus and more. And I am quite sure each one will boast of larger number of members than the 'Indian' association. It really hurts to know I belong to a country, where we don't belong to the country, but to states and communities, and whatever other stupid nonsensical subdivisions we have. Maybe India should actually be divided into strips of land, for each of these subdivisions, and then maybe I can openly cry for losing something that does not even exist.

Humour, That Makes Me Cringe

Something which causes amusement, makes people laugh, or has a hilarious quality to it, is what is called humorous. There is no two ways about the fact that there are many many different kinds of humour, and each has its own kind of appeal, more importantly, each one us enjoy different kinds of humour. And while somethings may make me laugh till I have tears in my eyes, it may do absolutely nothing to someone else. While I am very bad at making people laugh, whether through my writing, or even trying to re-tell tried and tested jokes(they fall flat the way I narrate them), I simply love having my laughs, and I can never stop admiring, people who have the ability to make others laugh or put a smile on their faces. It is indeed a rare gift.

I can laugh at pretty much everything, I enjoy getting my laughs, but humour at the cost of someone else, just never ever amuses me, infact it infuriates me. Toilet humour, grosses me out terribly, but I understand, when people find it funny. But laughing by poking fun at others, something I just cannot stand. It happens pretty much everywhere, all around the place, and it simply sickens me. It has the cruelty label of high-school bullies, it has the markings of insensitivity, and add to that, its usually a group of many picking on one.

Laughing at one self is a quality few posses, and those who do, live their entire life like a laugh, but laughing on others is just a quality of the weak minded bullies in my opinion. One of the most obvious ways to poke fun of someone is by targeting their weight, this obviously applies to the overweight or obese. No one, enjoys being fat, being laughed at about that does indeed hurt. Then of course, there is being picked on because one does not fit in to whatever surroundings the person is in, it can be colour, place, accent, family, anything, absolutely anything at all. Its not funny to laugh on others, it simply is not. And even if you are not the one actively doing it, but just joining in with the laughs, it is not done.

When I was working, and that was eons ago, I remember one of my colleagues, who joined us, and was this very very tall man, shy, reserved and he hardly spoke. He was not good looking, or impressive, belonged to in fact he was reticent. Coming from a small town in Rajasthan, he could not speak English too well, and hence preferred keeping to himself. The older guys in the project, felt it was their birth right to poke fun at him. This was done openly, and their attitude about it, was like that is what is expected of them. It sickened me to the core. I was a fresher, much much junior in the corporate hierarchy, and kept quiet. The guy himself, passed feeble smiles at every joke, and pretended to enjoy them himself. I can never forget those incidences, and more importantly, I cannot forget the nauseating feeling it created within me. Picking on the weaker for a few laughs, what else would better define a bully?

Whatever the reason, I have never been able to join in with laughs, at the expense of someone else, even if they are my sworn enemy. I think its just cheap and demeaning to laugh at someone, it is insensitive and mean. My personal opinion absolutely. Some think its quite OK, done in the spur of the moment, just for laughs, and should be taken in the right spirit, I have never been able to take that line of thought. The nothing personal often added at the end of such sessions, just makes it more disgusting to me. What surprises me, is the way such things happen beyond the walls of high-school, in relatively educated and elite circles. People may have a great sense of humour about themselves, and while most can take being laughed on within a circle of people with whom they feel safe and secure, I doubt anyone, really enjoys walking into a pub and being made the butt of jokes for the evening. I don't think poking fun of others is humorous in anyway at all. A person who can really get laughs, never needs to poke fun of others to do it.

I enjoy santa-banta jokes, adult jokes, situational laughter, comics, humorous blogs. Those are all my kind of humour, what is your kind ?

When The Cookie Crumbles Or Maybe Not!

My advice is to ignore this post, its been posted simply because I want to let it out. If you go on to read it, it maybe incoherent, full of mistakes and more, coz I am not bothering reading through this right now.

OK, so I think I am the most unstable, reactive and unreliable person on the face of the earth at this point in time. I am depressed to the deepest recesses of darkness, all I need right now is a lap where I can put my head in and cry, till there are no tears left in me. Why? Simply because I am tiered of fighting my problems and need a BIG break or maybe a breakthrough to get out of my troubles.

I have forgotten the fact that I have always known myself as a happy person, I have never been down for long, in fact I am was quite incapable of extended bouts of sadness or depression of any kinds. Things change, people change, life changes, and so have I. I don't remember the last time I was wholly purely and truly happy. No you will not know it if you see me, meet me or even live with me, because I am not letting it onto the surface. I have a child to take care of , and I cannot let him live in a morose depressing environment. It is not his fault and that is definitely not what he deserves.

I had a few plans to alter the current course of my life, they fell flat on their face. I could look for alternatives, but I am not because I am just too tiered and exhausted of trying, to find ways, to keep myself going. I just need one good cry, one safe place, one lap, which would understand me without my saying the words. Yes, the GP can be it, but I don't want to unload on him, he does not deserve it. At more times than one in my life, I have felt he would have been better off without a troubled, messed up person like me with him, he would vehemently disagree, and tell me in his usual calming and mature way, how we both have things to offer to each other. But I just feel that he deserved better. I have too much of baggage, just too much.

I don't have the option to give up, or to be weak and fall down, I have too keep it going, though I have no strength left. All I need is just one safe place, to just let go for a little bit, and I can't find it, atleast not one, where I can let go without causing more pain than I should. I wish I had parents who would understand, or just listen and let me unburden myself, but I don't, and I have to accept that too. I am living and carrying on, and smiling, and pretty much faking my whole existence at this point in time. I would have thought it possible to say I will be fine at one point of time, but I can no longer do it, because I don't even remember what fine really feels like anymore. I am not numb, no, because I feel it every waking moment. Sleep is my only escape now.

You don't see it, because I have never been the person who behaves with people based on her moods, I just find it inconsiderate, and so I just go on as normal, attend birthdays, chit-chat with friends, talk about nonsense, smile on Skype for my parents, cook the food, do the laundry, go for my walks sometimes, and just keep going, when all I really want to do is stay in bed all day and cry my heart out, scream my lungs out to say its unfair, and I don't deserve getting what I am.

No this post will not receive comments, because I don't need chin-ups and cheer ups, I don't need sympathies, and I don't need questions either. My problems may seem very paltry to many, and rightly so. But they don't to me, I am living it each second. We all have issues, and most of us think ours is the worst problem there could be. I try to put my issues in perspective always, and know that it is never quite that bad. But as I said I am tiered of trying, tiered of fighting, tiered of the effort I need to put to be happy, I need a break, and I need some rest. I wish I could ask God to give me just one day, to break down, kneel and cry!