Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Of Relationships

Relationships are strange things I have come to believe, fun, complicated, mystical, and many a times quite beyond my comprehension. Most times they are fun and nice, but every now and then there are little squeaks and creaks, just like old floor boards, which are usually quite incomprehensible to me, but throw the thing completely off balance. I am not talking about relationships, that are casual, the types we label as just friends or acquaintances, but the ones that come from the heart, where we form bonds, put down our masks and guards, and are free to be what we really are.

Relationships I have come to believe are best maintained with people who, are individually related or known to one. I meet X in the school/college/training/work/bus/pub/theatre/library, like him/her, and decide to be friends with. Works out much better than, liking and being friends with X, where he/she is a friend of or related to one of my friends/relatives/acquaintances/colleagues. The dynamics of any relationship between just two individuals alone, is forever changing. Where two human minds are involved, which are never stable, or stuck in just one place, the possibilities are many. But throw in the midst a few more people, with their own stakes in the line that connects me and X, and it surprises me, that things even reach the point of a friendship. I for example, quite like my friend's sister. In fact, I think I gel better with her, than my friend herself. She gets along just fine with me too, but then my friend may not like it. More likely than not, as adults no one is likely to come up and say what they really feel, and things can suddenly turn sour without me realising what happened. Not only do I then lose the new friend, but also an older relationship.

Relationships are like investments, just more precious!

They really are I tell you. Just like monetary investments, relationships need to be invested in and nurtured with immense care and caution. And believe me, carelessness is what kills more relationships than anything else. A bit of taking for granted, or some just not making an effort, and sometimes just plain laziness. These things matter, especially when it comes to relationships that matter. And yet again, even with all of that it is not a 100% thing, simply because just like the stock exchange, there are no guarantees here either. And then there is always the case of when things change. People, situations, circumstances, other relationships. Anything, anytime may change, and it affects relationships.

What affects me more in case of relationships, is when instead of a clean break, where I can mope about a loss, cut my losses and move on, the relationship becomes a caricature of what it originally was, a fake hollow shell. That becomes a cross to bear for the rest of my life, and its just not my thing. I cannot go from being best buds to I-am-just-tolerating-you and maintain a relationship on face value, just does not work for me. But then that is just me, zero skills in the department of diplomacy.

Then there is the possibility of misunderstandings. Just recently I had one, with a friend, who is very dear to me. (Yes, I am talking about you! And hope the misunderstanding is cleared up.) We are very different temperamentally. If I am genda phool she is a long-stemmed rose, I am rustic, basic, blunt, she is artistic, deep and talented. But somewhere we connect, and it is wonderful. And yet, the written word which does not convey our tone, led to a misunderstanding. When I received her mail, I was surprised, because I never realised that I had written anything to upset her at all, only when I re-read it, did I realise, that without my mocking scowl, and clown-like expressions, the words alone could in fact have sounded harsh. Just made me realise how frail relationships can really be, especially since we both are secure, strong people, and know that our friendship is much more than frivolous.

And with all these things that can go wrong, is it not really a wonder, when a relationship, that we invest our heart and times into, actually blossoms, and grows. Relationships, that are true, and honest, which truly reflect a bond between two people. Each time, I lose a friend or a relationship goes sour in my life, I do thank God, for the other amazing ones I have in my life, the ones that stand the test of time, change of circumstances and more.

A word from the wise here, please invest very carefully in every relationship in your life. Take your time, never rush in, and think deeply before you let someone into your heart. And when you do, make sure you are ready to fight to keep the person in your life.


Anonymous said...

Wow !! I'm yet to read something so simple yet profound on relationships.. they do require us to invest a part of ourselves, they need nurturing and yes we can't take them for granted..well said !!

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

"Take your time, never rush in, and think deeply before you let someone into your heart." Amen to that :)

Sraboney said...

You've put it down brilliantly! Yes, friendships require effort but if they require too much of it, they are not worth it...

Passionate Goof said...

liveonimpulse - Thank you. I do think any relationship is an investment and we need to invest with great caution.

SAS - Amen!

Sraboney - No usually it is not. And we need to know when exactly to cut out losses and step out.

Smitha said...

That was so beautifully said, GM! You are a wise one :)

'Each time, I lose a friend or a relationship goes sour in my life, I do thank God, for the other amazing ones I have in my life, the ones that stand the test of time, change of circumstances and more.' - That is so very true.. And I guess it also helps us go ahead with life..