Three Decades and A Day - Taking Stock

At thirty, it is time I took stock of where I am in life, and where I want to go. Yes, I turned thirty yesterday, stepped into a new decade of life, and am not too sure of how I feel about it right now. I will definitely miss not being in the twenties anymore, but besides that I don't think much has changed in life in the past two days. Atleast I feel the same.

The twenties were possibly the most happening decade of my life. The very significant and life altering happenings like graduation, first job, marriage, motherhood, it all happened in the past ten years. I don't foresee any other decade in life, which will be quite as happening. So in that way I am in a more settled and steady state of life. The twenties have been all about fun and growing up. Each step pulling me up a bit more, making me more mature. The woman standing here now, at her thirtieth birthday will probably not even recognise the naive girl who existed ten years back. Am I happy with the way I have changed? Yes, I think I will say I am more happy than sad about the way I am today. Except for being a little more cynical about the world around me, I have become a better person in every other way,calmer, smarter, less judgmental, more open minded, more understanding, more confident and most importantly content and peaceful.

The twenties have brought me up, passed me from the hands of my parents to my ownself, and I have proven to myself I have what it takes to be what I want to be. Though I don't necessarily, always take my steps in the right direction, I often give up and take the easy way out, I know I can do it, if I really want to. The last decade also introduced me to my spiritual thirst. I don't blog a lot about that part of me or my thoughts, because nothing gets more personal than that. I recognised the difference between religion and spiritualism, and I recognised my own spiritual needs. I know now, that I need my life to be more than just the superficial living, I need to be a lot more, do a lot more. In more ways than one, I have discovered myself in my twenties, atleast understood myself, my needs, my wants and found the direction my life needs. And now it is about treading the path my soul needs, and doing what my heart truly wants.

The twenties has also given me the two most important persons in my life. The GP and the BB, the two, without whom I cannot even fathom a life now. I love them, need them and want them more than anything else in the world. these two are the most precious things I have collected in the past decade.

The past year in itself has not been exceptionally eventful, atleast not in a good way. There have been a lot of not-so-happy happenings, and I remember the past year more for the frights, depressions, and scares I have had. Hopefully I have learnt my lessons from them, and moved on to better things. If there is one thing I will remember my last year for, especially in a positive way, it will be for my weight loss. Yes, I am twenty kilos lighter this birthday from the last. There are gory, comparative, before and after pics I can share, but that is not the point of this post. So well I am lighter, more importantly healthier, and need to keep up the motivation to go further, for the last few miles...errr... I mean kilos. The next big thing to happen was that our plan to shift out of this place got finalised. I am happy for two reasons about that, for one, our stay here was a temporary one, which meant I always felt like I am in a state of suspension, neither completely settled in, nor ready to move on, and secondly, personally I have been unable to gel into this place. So I am happy to be moving. Yes it is a big thing, shifting bag and baggage yet again, but hopefully this will be the last and final time, and I am finally moving into a place to settle in.

For the time ahead, I need to plan up a career path, yes I do want to get back out, and meet people, make some money too. But it will not be IT, I am just not meant for that job, it is so not my calling. I have some ideas, but that would mean I have to start studying, attend classes, appear for examinations, and the whole scenario kind of scares me for now. But I am not giving up, I know I need to do my bit to get what I want. It will be tough, studying and taking care of the BB and home, but I think as the BB is growing up now, it is doable. I am intimidated at the thought of having to start from scratch yet again, to be very honest. Especially when most people my age are well up the ladder in their career paths, but I know that I can never be happy, satisfied or even motivated in the field I worked in, a change is most severely required, if I want to enjoy my work life, and make it a happy part of my life. That is what I foresee most prominently in my recent future, besides of course the BB growing up, life changing a bit each day, the body getting older, the bones creaking some more, and maybe, just maybe, I will get courageous enough to learn driving and swimming some day.

So gone are the three younger decades of life, and here is toasting to the life ahead, which I hope ages like wine does.