Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Month Of June, Me And Some More

A blogger ... do I qualify to be called one anymore? I don't know, and judging myself, I would say no. I have done just two posts in the whole of June, nothing that was thought provoking, or about things I think about, things that invoke the thinking-me, but just one-off updates on what has been up in the Goofy family. I don't think this post would be much different either. And honestly I don't think too many people are going to read it. For one, in a world inundated with professional writers, a nobody like me, hardly makes for good-writing, and so I have but a few readers, most of them read me just out of courtesy, since they have now also become my friends add to that the huge intervals in my posts, I really cannot expect people to come back and read now can I? And hence, secure in the knowledge that pretty much no-one is reading me, I will write haphazardly, just the way my mind works.

I am in a strange place right now mentally. I don't know if I qualify to be called a working-woman or an SAHM or even a part-time-working-mum. I seem to be somewhere in between all of that. Besides being tremendously self-satisfying, my work does seem to have all the downsides of working, and none of the upsides. I am working, but I don't make money. I spend time away from home, away from family, but gain nothing monetarily in return. Infact I end up spending quite a bit in my travel, eat-outs, day-care charges for the BB and such. Add to that, this work, comes with home-work (I am still training remember? So I have things to read up, assignments and presentations to work on), which means I need to dedicate time to it during the rest of the week. And with the commitment being 1 day a week, during training, and just half-day a week post that....... my slog-like-a-dog = work trained mind, cannot really accept this as work. And so if anyone asks me, I don't think I would say that I work. And hence I am in middle-land, and I really don't know what label will suit me the best. But what makes it all worth it, is the immense sense of self-satisfaction, finally understanding that I am in a field of work that I really like, and would love to pursue for the rest of my life. This is the kind of work that would leave me with a contended tiredness at the end of a hard day's work.

This month we celebrated the GP's birthday..... And I did not even do a post on it. So you can imagine, exactly how hard-pressed I am for time. I am the kind of person, whose writing and thinking is polished with practice, and when I have not posted in a while, my mind is all rusted and has very little to say, amazing thoughts, don't translate into more than just that one-line of the basic thought. And hence there was no post on his birthday. I think the GP being him was the least bit affected by it. Birthdays mean nothing to him, and unfortunately that emotion transcends even to the BB's and my birthdays. But on the up-side, that means there is not much I need to do for his. There was the customary cake, which the man, wanted, plain vanilla, with no icing. He is a all substance, no show man, and well, it shows. His birthday present was the much needed replacement of the laptop the BB destroyed, well let me be honest and say, that I just chipped in a bit of the cost. The BB and I wore new clothes for the day, while the GP himself did no such thing. And that is how the day was spent. Oh! yes, and an absolutely delightful Indian meal at a local restaurant. Loved it! It being the man's birthday, I only feel fortunate and thankful that he is mine, and supports me the way he does, inspires me to improve myself as a person, and guides me so well in that journey. Yes, if anyone needs it to be said plainly, I love him, for being mine.

All those with plain and at most times terrible hand-writings just like myself, was there anyone with that ornamental hand-writing in your school or college whom you completely envied for that. Well I had more than one. One of them is in-fact even a blogger. Her class-notes' notebooks, would be neater and prettier than my fair-copies. Its not just that the writings are cursive, or neat or beautiful, but what I envied most was the naturality with which it was produced. I would look at such peoples' handwriting, be inspired, and try to get there. Well I would atleast turn up my own work up, a few notches, but nothing to match these people, and most importantly, it would mean writing much slower and more consciously. Its been a long long time, since I have seen those gorgeous hand-writings, and I had pretty much forgotten about my own failings in the department, and was contented with my sloppy work. But then, just this weekend, my sweet loving GP, decided to buy me a fountain pen, after all, since I love it so much. He looked up the store online, and took me there. Its heaven for a stationery lover like me. The fact that pretty much everything in the store is more expensive than precious metals and stones, is not to be mentioned of course. But, then I digress. Just as I finalised a pen, and was testing the various nibs available with it, on a writing pad, I saw the words written by someone who had tried out a pen earlier, and I felt ashamed to even scribble on the same piece of paper. It was beautiful, like a work of art, and I stared at the words, 'Electric Dreams', written in beautiful cursive handwriting, in a clean straight line, on a plain piece of paper. I was once again engulfed in the shame of my own horrible hand-writing, like I was back in school-days. Even my best attempts don't compare. And I just wish I could have a beautiful cursive hand-writing. Surprisingly all the women in my family, right from my grandmother, have the kind of writing that can directly be printed on paper and sent out as greeting cards, and its just unfortunate that I never ever managed to pick it up. Forget pretty, my mindlessly written stuff, is not even neat. Even neat writing requires an effort at my end. The typing on a computer does not help much either, since I completely lose practice with my ability to write well with a pen. All those out there in the world, with a gorgeous, ornamental handwriting, I pay my obeisance to you.(A confession - The oldest lady in my training group, has one of those beautiful print-like handwritings, and I make a conscious effort to not sit next to her, so that I can concentrate on the session, more than stare at her writing and wallow in self-pity!)

I am still hoping that I can get back to more regular blogging, make more time in my day and do it. And hence I am not saying I have given up, even now. But what really happens, only time will tell.


Piper .. said...

Oh Goof! Yet another reminder of why I love to read your stuff so much! This was such a heart-felt and so well written a post! I can sort of understand your work related dilemmas. But always remember that if at the end of the day, you feel satisfied because of a day well spent, nothing in the world can beat that. No amount of money can. That said, about the handwriting, :):) I think I have a good cursive handwriting. At least everyone says so. So send me your postal address in an email and I shall write to you :) My sister would pbly relate to the 'anguish' you feel about your own handwriting. She has forever wanted to have a better style. But in my opinion, it doesnt really matter so much - esp in today`s age of computers. Otherwise too, it`s always the words and not the writing that matters. 'Electric dreams' is a gorgeous phrase. I would have loved it anyway, even if it was written in the worst possible handwriting.
Hmm..I think I should stop now. A belated happy bday to the GP. And loads of hugs coming your way. Take your time, but do come back.

Smitha said...

GM, It is so lovely to see a post from you!

And a post like is so wonderful! Your happiness and satisfaction is gleaming through every word :) Your training sounds so interesting and you sound like you are enjoying every bit of it.

As for labels, whatever be the label, what matters is that you are happy and satisfied :)

Hugs GM, and pls donot abandon blogging - I so love to read you :)All that nonsense of not being a good writer and stuff, needs to go out of the window :)

Smitha said...

Oh, and Belated birthday wishes to the GP :)

Trish said...

Woww this is such a sweet,cute post!! and this is why I come back read your straight from heart posts and not because i am your friend:)
Dont stop,GM..and u are good stop with those thoughts!

Deeps said...

Firstly dont underrate yourself, GM!! For one you know how much I love your writing. You may remember howI had even asked once if you were a writer by profession. Thats how much I admire your writing. So dont ever think that you're not a good writer.

This is a beautiful post! I loved the way you expressed yourself with so much honesty.

So sweet of GP to have gifted you with a fountain pen.
I love fountain pens too. Sadly I dont get to write that much on paper these days. But my dad still has a fetish for pens and whenever I'm in Delhi I make it a point to scribble to my heart's content with them :).

Belated b'day wishes to GP. Your love for him oozes out of this post :)

Its nice to be reading you again, GM..please dnt ever think of ever giving it up :)

D said...

Hey Goofy, I've been very irregular with blogging too. And I know how you must feel about that. We've both been rather regular bloggers, you more frequent than me. But when there's so much happening in life, there really is no time to draft blog posts in your head and then jot them down. I totally relate to that. And I wonder how people who complain about having no time at all get the time to blog about it! Hats off to them!

As for your blogging skills, you really do underestimate yourself. We read any blog not just because of the quality of writing but also because of how honest and genuine the posts are. Which is not to say you write anyway but well! Honestly.

And enjoy your life, without finding categories to slot yourself in. SAHM or no, working mom or no, you're happy, aren't you? And that's the point of it all, I guess. Also, this is but a virtual life. Wouldn't you rather be active in the real world than the virtual one?

Shrutzz said...

cute post lady!!!
I would like to comment on WORK LIFE here...If you happy doing it, pls delete away all other thoughts..Its all about your happiness...Its quite challenging to match it with monetary benefits but how many can do such a thing????

I have joined a new place, which is just a start up, cos of few reasons..Am earning 60% less than my previous one...Last week was feeling quite low about this and vented out a lot...but decided it the JOB which is my LIKE and nothing to come its not gonna compro with my job satisfaction now....

Passionate Goof said...

First off, thank you ladies for leaving me such beautiful, morale boosting comments. Tells me why I can never ever ever completely stop blogging and lose my wonderful friends here! I think no one would read this, and here you come overflowing with words of love and encouragement.

Piper Thank You *taking a deep bow* I agree money can never compensate for happiness, but I do feel a bit bad about leaving the BB and going, and not being able to get him things in-return either... u know!! And no, I shall not give me mailing address to someone who cannot reply to even e-mails. If you have time, and do actually WRITE a letter, let me know, I will only then give you my address! :P

Smitha - Girl, you just made me soar upto cloud 9. Such beautiful compliments. Thanks. I am happy, with the work no doubt. Just feel a bit guilty at times that's all.

Trish - Thanks you thank you thank you!! :D

Deeps - I do remember, and can't believe you thought that way. Like everything else, I am careless with my writing too, and it shows. :( But it is infact so wonderful to get such an amazing compliment. Thank you so so so much Deeps. And no, I am not leaving. The pen is just gorgeous. I love it!

D - I know girl. How have you been? Been ages really. Indeed i really admire people who do so much more than me, and then blog too. Such skilled time-managers I tell you. Thanks for complimenting my writing girl, and yes I agree that my posts are nothing if not honest. :) Good to see you back.

Shrutzz - Wow! Congrats. You found work that you are enjoying. nothing beats that feeling isn't it? Have leads of fun. An hopefully you never compromise on the happiness again. :)

Anonymous said...

It is great to read a post by you... Please do not ever give up blogging and for heaven's sake don't be so self deprecatory when it comes to talking about the way you write.. It always is such a pleasure to read yu :) and yes belated bday wishes to GP..he really is a no frills all substance guy :) and I hope your training gets less hectic soon so that we see you more often in blogosphere..take care hugs

Anonymous said...

It is great to read a post by you... Please do not ever give up blogging and for heaven's sake don't be so self deprecatory when it comes to talking about the way you write.. It always is such a pleasure to read yu :) and yes belated bday wishes to GP..he really is a no frills all substance guy :) and I hope your training gets less hectic soon so that we see you more often in blogosphere..take care hugs