Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Feeling Redundant!

Yes, that's me today. Its strange how the wheel of time turns. Somehow I feel my family could live all on their own. Would not miss me much if I were to suddenly disappear tomorrow. Oh! Well, yes I am being all maudlin here. But I have my reasons, and would have shed my tears at some point right?

If you know me, or my family, you would know we are a very child centred family. So no, the GP and I don't really do things without the BB or have 'dates' or anything like that. A lot of that is our circumstances, having no one we would be happy to leave the BB with, and the rest is, well, just us, or maybe more me. I was never comfortable leaving him, anywhere at all till very recently. So well, that is the way things have been. And it seemed worth it, with the BB's only need in the world being me. He can be anywhere, with anyone, as long as I am around. Or he could be. He needed me always, till a year ago, he would not even go out with the GP, without me. Well things have changed.

I have now become the boring lump of a human being who stays home all day, does not really entertain him with the things he enjoys, like playing with the tool box, or sit on the motorbike and honk the horn, or try and take his cycle apart. So well, to put it mildly, the BB is now an extension of his father, the 100 watt smile on his face, as his father walks into the house each evening, is really worth seeing. And I would be lying if I said, that does not hurt a little bit, well it does, and quite a lot. The two of them would roughhouse, and do their guy stuff, and well, I look on and pretend to be busy on the laptop, or the kitchen or elsewhere. Once the father is home, the BB can actually walk through me, without even realising I exist.  And somehow I feel out of the loop, don't know what would be fun for him anymore, or what would entertain him at times, and just wonder when did this really happen, when did he infact outgrow me?  And while I did not cry, when he spent his first day at the day care, or started his kinder, I am filled with a deep emptiness today, as the tears flow freely, wondering if I have infact become redundant for my little boy.


Suburban Mumma said...

Awww hugs,sweetie!!
He is just growing up! If it makes you feel better,Babushka,who couldn't do without me,still calls me to the room,if I am in another room,totally and completely ignores me,when the father is home..only needing me at meal-times and bed-times..Today,she actually got up from her fav. seat-next to me..and went n sat down next to daddy at dinner time..
hugs.. and remember..u are not indispensible..EVER!

Sraboney said...

It's the same with M...Her father is her world...I think it's just because she doesn't see him all the time...

Shilpa Garg said...

Awwwwwww!! I know, how you feel! Happens to all of us, I guess.
I have started working again (took a break for my baby) and my job takes me out of home for 2-3 days in a fortnight. When I first left for my trip... I was all worried and concerned about my 9 yrs baby... and when I asked him, if he missed me... he simply said, "No"!! I felt sooooo soooo hurt!

Anonymous said...

Hugs GM..this is just a phase..yu can never be indispensable..take care

Passionate Goof said...

SubMum _ I hope so, I really do hope so!

Bones - Damn these kids.

Shilpa - That really must have hurt, I can imagine. I feel the same, when he ignores me...... These little brats!

Liveonimpulse - Hope so! :)