Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Fighter In Me... And You?

I believe its always easier to fight, when I am not fighting for a personal cause. I don't know if that is the way it is with most people or its just the other way round. I can fight for a larger cause, I can fight for the weaker people, I can even fight for animals, but I can never ever fight for myself, baring when the DH is my opponent. Possibly that is the only completely honest, true and absolutely open relationship I have in my life, and hence most precious and very treasured. But getting back to the point, how easy or difficult is it for a person to fight for himself?

Very recently, I was out with the BB one evening, when a Jeep, ferrying school children stopped in front of a building, and a child got out of the vehicle. There was a stray dog resting near the spot where he got off, and he immediately kicked it, I involuntarily screamed aye, and followed it up by telling the child that the dog hurts and he should not kick it that way, while he kept running away, and the bystanders looked on at me, like I am a crazy person. But I was unfazed and quite happy at what I had done, and did not mind it at all. But believe you me, if it had been me who had been pushed or shoved or even bitten for that matter I would not have uttered a word. It has always been this way with me. Maybe its my Libran trait that cannot tolerate injustice to others, but finds it beneath myself to actually speak out for me. This was the most recent incident that I could think of, but that is the way it has always been with me.

Somehow I never fight for myself. I think its so much easier to raise my voice, fight or work for others or for a cause, but I can never be assertive enough to do it for myself. It would have been all good, possibly had I been an ideal woman, with no grudges or grouses. Reality though is quite different. My lack of confrontational abilities, leave me frustrated from within. Sometimes it is pretty much impossible to confront at all. I am currently in quite a soup, where my name and image are being tarnished left right and centre, and everyone is using me to cover up their own backsides to be honest. I know it, and I simply sit quietly, avoiding everyone involved in the fiasco, rather than go and tell them honestly what I think of them too. A few words are being picked up from entire conversations and being misrepresented, I am being blamed for reacting to being accused of things, I am said to be thinking that I am too high and mighty, just because I openly did what I thought was the right thing to do, where everything was getting muddled up. An act that could have been a sweet and nice gesture has now turned out into a total mess. I am completely sure of what I did, and totally stand by my action, but I also stand up and hear silently all the accusations and blame, so that the others can keep fueling their personal interests. When earlier people have told me such stories about themselves, I have actually gone up and stood for them and fought, and openly. Some have appreciated my standing up for them, when they could not and then there have been the others too. But the point is why can I never just stand up for myself and say it like it is, when I am being wronged or need to be defended? I think I am just a non-confrontational coward.

Tell me about you, what are your fighting skills, how much and how far can you go, when can you never do it, and what if anything makes you an unstoppable fighter? For me, I think it would be the DH and the BB, I can never take a word or hurt against them, no matter from whom it comes, but I let people walk all over me.


Pixie said...

Yes. I think it is easier to fight for someone else.
But, fighting for myself is something which I am learning and standing up for what is right is the most difficult thing to do.

D said...

People don't fight for themselves I think because there's more to lose when you lose a fight that's essentially about you.

And foolish people like me still go ahead and fight for themselves! And lose a lot of times. But that's alright!

Shrutzz said...

I can never say a word against my hubby...and out of fear, with my In-laws. Whether its wrong or unfair, I just take it and never try to justify or fight against anything, even if am so sure its WRONG....apart from this, am a FIGHTER against everything which is not RIGHT-ILLEGAL-UNFAIR around me...I have done the most for my sister, always beside her...

Its not a good feel though, that I can't fight for myself when it comes to my family ...

Sraboney said...

I agree with D...I don't stand up for myself (although I'm slowly learning to) because I'm afraid of the consequences...As my mother says, "You should fight for yourself because nobody else will"

Solilo said...

GM, it depends on situations. There was a time when I didn't stand up for myself but it had its consequences. I saw people using my name to get fame (this was back in school). Though even then I used to fight for my brother and friends but not for myself. Then changed myself a lot still our basic nature remains same. Now I do confront people if I think it is absolutely necessary. Otherwise I just ignore.

I have seen that some people do take advantage of you when you are nice to them. I just become wary of them. But I know that I can take care of myself. One thing I absolutely dislike is anyone fighting my battle not even my husband. When it comes to my problems, I like to resolve it all by myself.

BTW how are you? When are you moving to Australia?

Reflections said...

Identify with most of what u've written.....for others I fight till I win but for myself I struggle. Sometimes I do fight but there's no clarity in tht fighting...not thinking clearly u see;-(

Smitha said...

GM, I have missed so many of of your posts - I have not been blog hopping too much these days.

What do I fight for? Well, I think I can easily fight for others - husband feels that I become too emotional for others. But I also fight for things I believe in. I mean, some principles that I believe in, I do end up fighting for. I do fight for myself - when something really close to my heart is impacted..

Passionate Goof said...

Pixie - It is isn't it?

D - Possible, but I just find it degrading in some way to fight for myself, shows my weakness or lack of tolerance, or strength, I don't know. Maybe i am wired wrong. You are not foolish D, from all i know of you, that is the last thing you are.

Shrutzz- Its terrible when ther can't be openness in a marriage, I know such a situation would stifle me and kill me relationship with the GP. But kudos to you for dealing with it, and dealing with all else.

Bones - Indeed we should, and yet I forever shy away!

Sols - I can forgo most situations, but when there is family, and relatives involved, the thing just keeps snowballing. If I don't speak from myself, the other side just keeps compounding their side of the story you know, and that gets really bad.

Nancy - Oh! You are totally like me Nan!

Smitha - I understand exactly what you mean. i fight for others, causes, and get really involved with it too.