Very recently, I was out with the BB one evening, when a Jeep, ferrying school children stopped in front of a building, and a child got out of the vehicle. There was a stray dog resting near the spot where he got off, and he immediately kicked it, I involuntarily screamed aye, and followed it up by telling the child that the dog hurts and he should not kick it that way, while he kept running away, and the bystanders looked on at me, like I am a crazy person. But I was unfazed and quite happy at what I had done, and did not mind it at all. But believe you me, if it had been me who had been pushed or shoved or even bitten for that matter I would not have uttered a word. It has always been this way with me. Maybe its my Libran trait that cannot tolerate injustice to others, but finds it beneath myself to actually speak out for me. This was the most recent incident that I could think of, but that is the way it has always been with me.
Somehow I never fight for myself. I think its so much easier to raise my voice, fight or work for others or for a cause, but I can never be assertive enough to do it for myself. It would have been all good, possibly had I been an ideal woman, with no grudges or grouses. Reality though is quite different. My lack of confrontational abilities, leave me frustrated from within. Sometimes it is pretty much impossible to confront at all. I am currently in quite a soup, where my name and image are being tarnished left right and centre, and everyone is using me to cover up their own backsides to be honest. I know it, and I simply sit quietly, avoiding everyone involved in the fiasco, rather than go and tell them honestly what I think of them too. A few words are being picked up from entire conversations and being misrepresented, I am being blamed for reacting to being accused of things, I am said to be thinking that I am too high and mighty, just because I openly did what I thought was the right thing to do, where everything was getting muddled up. An act that could have been a sweet and nice gesture has now turned out into a total mess. I am completely sure of what I did, and totally stand by my action, but I also stand up and hear silently all the accusations and blame, so that the others can keep fueling their personal interests. When earlier people have told me such stories about themselves, I have actually gone up and stood for them and fought, and openly. Some have appreciated my standing up for them, when they could not and then there have been the others too. But the point is why can I never just stand up for myself and say it like it is, when I am being wronged or need to be defended? I think I am just a non-confrontational coward.
Tell me about you, what are your fighting skills, how much and how far can you go, when can you never do it, and what if anything makes you an unstoppable fighter? For me, I think it would be the DH and the BB, I can never take a word or hurt against them, no matter from whom it comes, but I let people walk all over me.