Officially gave up the keys to the only home I have ever owned, today evening, and believe me its not a happy feeling. Especially not when its my seventh wedding anniversary, the DH is in a different continent altogether, and pretty much no one even remembered the day. I have been steely strong, knee deep in work the whole day, but I think this post will eventually leave me weeping. What do I write about, the home or the anniversary? I had long back planned on doing a mushy open letter to the DH, especially since we completed the proverbial year of the itch, but today just cannot bring myself to it.
The house I gave up today, holds some of the sweetest memories of my life, the first own home, the first big thing the DH and I got ourselves, the first home the BB came to, the one which was always my shelter from the world, words cannot do justice to the emotions attached to the place, or rather I am not skilled enough to use the right words. The place has been taken by a family friend, which made me believe that the whole transition would be very happy and smooth for me, unfortunately though it has not been so, and has left a really bitter taste in my mouth. I had to keep my possessions in that place, till they were ready for shipping, but neither patience nor grace were to be had. With the DH gone, it became increasingly difficult for me to request a few more days of waiting. I waited with bated breath literally for the relocators, to pack and just move the things out of that place, so I could hand over the last remaining key to the new owner. Today its done, and I have given up the keys. My home is not mine anymore, unfortunately the hand over has not been in the sweetest way it could have been. But life I guess moves on, and I have to too, and at this minute, I just send my love to my old home, for all the happy moments I have spent there, and all the moments of despair, when it has kept me cosy in its warmth and safety. I don't have the DH here by me, to share this moment unfortunately.
And yes, the DH away, its our anniversary and I don't like it. The day was not special in anyway today, with me being busy shuttling to and from my ex-home as the packers came in , and then the movers, and then to remove the last traces of our existence from that home. The time difference between him and me, gives us a very small window of time that is convenient for both of us to talk, add to that my super hectic day today, and him being knee deep trying to find a decent accommodation for us, we hardly managed a decent conversation in the whole day. Its not quite so simple having romantic conversations when all stressed out, being miserable missing each other and being surrounded by people. Its strange how most of my anniversaries have been jinxed, we were apart even on our very first one, and another couple in-between. But what the heck? Seven years, a baby and still going strong, shouldn't I be really happy about that? I have a man who is as honest as can be, he is more liberal than am I, quite saintly in most ways and the most loving and calming person I have ever had in my life. To be honest I don't think I am letting him go for a few lifetimes, so whats not being together for an anniversary or two? Well, I atleast attempt to find the best of every situation, and staying sad and miserable does not agree with me for too long.
Now I am just counting days for the three of us to re-unite and hopefully we would not have to be apart again, atleast like this for a really really long time.