What Do You Give Your Child?

A love for books,
or maybe a taste for music,
Or would it be a brain for numbers,
A passion for sports it could be,
Or maybe even cinema.

Painting, dancing, birds and animals, or even spirituality. There are so so so many things to choose from. So what is it that you give your child? I am sure most in the blog-world would love to instill in their children a love and passion for reading, but then I am sure there are just as many out there who want their children to have a good ear for music, or whatever else they hold dear to them. And when I see parents around me taking so much loving effort to instill in their child, a passion, a hobby, or a love, I wonder what to do with mine?

Each one seems so passionate about what they foster into their offspring, that I get inspired by each and every one of them, and finally end up being a Jack of all trades master of none with the BB. And in this process, I have learned that I cannot do it all. I cannot get him to sing, dance, read, hop, jump, play, paint and more all in one go. Or atleast not with equal gusto. So what then do I do? Isn't he too young for me to pick a single skill a passion to instill. Isn't this the time he learns, sees, explores and picks out what he loves the most, I think. At the end of the day, I don't want to push him either way, I want him to go ahead, and be what he wants to be, and do what he wants to do. (Only hope I have enough money in the bank to transfer in his name, incase he wants to just be a street-side artist!) And yet I need to show him the choices he has.

I know he is introduced to everything in his day-care centre, and I know of parents who play mental-maths quizzes with their kids all day long. I know I have been the person who thought getting a management degree would be the pinnacle of her life. And I thank God that, it did not happen, because it would have been such a sheer and colossal waste of money, on an undiplomatic, non-corporate work worthy person like me. I know now, that the last kind of job I am suitable for is corporate management. But, then, I did not know any better. I knew about studies, school, college, professional degrees and that was it. I don't want the BB's vision to be narrowed in anyway like that. I want him to be free to look around and decide what he wants in his life.

A little too young for me to think so much you say, but believe me it is not. Because somewhere in life, the seeds of the kind of person we are, are sown in childhood. And I definitely don't want to bungle up here. No I am no perfect parent, I am as flawed, and imperfect as can be. But then I have my priorities too, and one of the main ones being, to give my child the freedom to choose his own life. Not to say I will not guide him, or instill in him humane values, but he has to choose the purpose of his life himself. I don't want it set upon him in anyway at all. While I want him to like books, music, the outdoors and some other things, I am worried that I should not force any of them on him. Now maintaining the right balance would be one tough job isn't it? Because what I truly want to give my child, is freedom, to carve out a path of his choice in life. Where he can follow his dreams and passions as he likes.

Till just a little while ago, I was so worried, about what he would learn from the world around him. When he was little, I could control the environment he lives in, the people he sees, but that was not to be the way all his life. I used to worry then, about him learning 'bad things' from the world outside.(To be clear I was not an all good influence, but then as I said, it was a controlled environment.) So once the BB started playschool, and his day-care sessions, he started coming home with a mixed bag of learnings. Some I liked, some not so much. And my initial reaction to it, like it is to most things that upset me, was panic. I was aghast, when I learnt that he was pushing other children. Oh! no, I thought. This is just because of the other kids, how else would he ever have learnt to push others like that. Yes, I am a fool that way. But this also helped me learn one of the bigger lessons of parenting. What is the test of a parent, whose child has no external influences to test him. The BB, maybe yet too young, for such huge philosophical statements, but the lesson has come to me in time, before he grows older, and I am in a constant state of panic. The important thing is for a child to go out, see, observe, learn and most importantly have the sense to select what he learns. It is upto me to teach him the guiding values and principles, which help him pick and choose. And that is no easy task I reckon!

After a really long time, I was browsing the newspapers online, and I came across this article, which really shocked surprised me. It talks of a man who is a master of astro-genetics, who used his knowledge to have children of a preferred sex twice(male of course) and to have a genius child the third time round(male again ofcourse!). The genius son is now all of 22, and stepping into IIT, Powai as a professor. I know a lot of parents out there who want their kids to be a genius, or a musical maestro or some other thing like that. There are plenty of tennis dads out there. But, what I do know for sure is, that as a parent, I would want my child to be just normal, and most importantly happy. I would never ever want to tweak the circumstances, to create something 'better', unless physical ailments are the cause of concern. The children we do have are the best that we can, and we love them for who they are. This kind of manipulation, takes the concept of 'conditional love' from parents to new heights. Scary, and scary indeed.

Are We Weaklings?

Where are we today as people of the world? What are we heading towards? What are our goals, our missions? I wonder often about these things, about what is it that we are looking for. And I don't seem to get the responses I would like. Even within my ownself.

Somewhere I feel, we are a misguided lot, being led on like lambs to the slaughter, by the devil disguised as the enticing have-it-all. Sounds strange isn't it? But when was the last time you heard someone say, my aim is to be more honest, or more helpful or more charitable? But I am sure we have often heard others as well as ourselves say, I want to own another house, get a raise, make XYZ amount this year, bring my body weight to ABC kgs. And in these small monetary and materialistic goals, have the bigger, humane goals been lost somewhere?

I don't remember the last time I deprived my self of something that I really wanted and donated the money instead, to someone who really did need it, for something as basic as food or clothes. How many of us even aim to do that? How often, if ever have we heard someone say, my goal this year is to donate atleast half of my earnings to charity, or take a few weeks off work and help the people who need it? In my case the answer is never. And it is this that makes me wonder where are we as a community of people headed?

What are our real goals and ambitions in life? Making more money, getting a promotion, being thinner? Good things in themselves, but is that all we want for ourselves, is that all we believe we are capable of achieving? I think we underestimate and devalue ourselves tremendously when we limit ourselves by such goals. There are then some who aim to read more books, expand their knowledge of music or learn a new skill, and yet again I think we are limiting our potential here. These are wonderful things when we look at it from the practical world, and yet somehow, I feel that they are not what changes or improves the core of the person we are. I will never underestimate the value of reading, music or learning new things, but is that enough for us to progress as persons, spiritually?

I for one, never make new year resolutions, simply because they do not translate to anything more than words in my life. And yet, I know a lot of people who do. And of all those who have shared their's with me, I have never come across even one, which said things like I will be kind to animals this year, I will not say a bad word about anyone, I will stand up against what is wrong, I will not be greedy or demanding. How does this, then, represent us as a society of humans. Are we too absorbed with the material to want more, to actually unleash our true potential and achieve it. It scares me to think that in ways we are actually, being just mediocre and proudly so.

Often our vices are now, labeled as our personality, individuality, and left at that. I am moody, I am short-tempered, I am impatient. These are the kind of statements I hear often, and use them myself too. What saddens me is, we say it as a statement, sometimes even arrogantly, not wanting to change it one bit. We actually proudly claim these vices to be ours. Why? Why is it no longer thought of as a vice, as a corruption to our character that we should try to get rid off. Why is it used as a badge of pride instead? If we do not understand these qualities as a malignance in the wholeness of our persona, how can we ever think of eliminating them. And with each person proudly hugging their flaws, where exactly does that lead the society, which is comprised of people like us? Shallowness, materialism, weakness and yet full of arrogance?

In reality it is weakness, because we as human beings have such huge potentials, we can move mountains with our minds alone, and yet we give in, and do not even try to win over the smallest evils in us. We give in and let the vices rule us instead. It saddens me, because it feels like seeing a huge fercious lion, watching a small little deer, walk by, and not attack it, saying, oh well, why take the effort to run and hunt, let me just be lazy and sit around instead. And eventually that is what will kill him, because he needs the food to nourish his strong body, and without that his body will become weak and eventually he will perish. That is exactly what the virtues are for the human mind, the food that nourishes it and keeps it strong and flourishing. Our vices, weaken it, diminish its strength and finally leads to its demise.

Why do we not decide to do something to nourish our souls each day, each time we make a resolution, even if for just a day? Like each time I think, today I will try to lose weight by not eating anything oily, let me also think, and today I will also not say a bad word about anyone, or today I shall tell no lies, no matter what, or today I will send a good thought out for the person I hate the most. It will be tough no doubt, probably tougher than avoiding deep fried chips and pakodas, and yet it will make me that much stronger and better as a human being. And I think each day it will just get easier, till, one day I find, that, that is what is now me, my nature and I no longer need to make the effort to be that way. Imagine a society where most people are like that, whole, strong and pure. The way we were intended to be when we were created.

[This post is more of an introspection, than any kind of accusation. This is not meant to offend anyone, but was meant as an analysis of myself, and of what I see around me, what I think needs to be changed, more so in me than anyone else. ]

Of Relationships

Relationships are strange things I have come to believe, fun, complicated, mystical, and many a times quite beyond my comprehension. Most times they are fun and nice, but every now and then there are little squeaks and creaks, just like old floor boards, which are usually quite incomprehensible to me, but throw the thing completely off balance. I am not talking about relationships, that are casual, the types we label as just friends or acquaintances, but the ones that come from the heart, where we form bonds, put down our masks and guards, and are free to be what we really are.

Relationships I have come to believe are best maintained with people who, are individually related or known to one. I meet X in the school/college/training/work/bus/pub/theatre/library, like him/her, and decide to be friends with. Works out much better than, liking and being friends with X, where he/she is a friend of or related to one of my friends/relatives/acquaintances/colleagues. The dynamics of any relationship between just two individuals alone, is forever changing. Where two human minds are involved, which are never stable, or stuck in just one place, the possibilities are many. But throw in the midst a few more people, with their own stakes in the line that connects me and X, and it surprises me, that things even reach the point of a friendship. I for example, quite like my friend's sister. In fact, I think I gel better with her, than my friend herself. She gets along just fine with me too, but then my friend may not like it. More likely than not, as adults no one is likely to come up and say what they really feel, and things can suddenly turn sour without me realising what happened. Not only do I then lose the new friend, but also an older relationship.

Relationships are like investments, just more precious!

They really are I tell you. Just like monetary investments, relationships need to be invested in and nurtured with immense care and caution. And believe me, carelessness is what kills more relationships than anything else. A bit of taking for granted, or some just not making an effort, and sometimes just plain laziness. These things matter, especially when it comes to relationships that matter. And yet again, even with all of that it is not a 100% thing, simply because just like the stock exchange, there are no guarantees here either. And then there is always the case of when things change. People, situations, circumstances, other relationships. Anything, anytime may change, and it affects relationships.

What affects me more in case of relationships, is when instead of a clean break, where I can mope about a loss, cut my losses and move on, the relationship becomes a caricature of what it originally was, a fake hollow shell. That becomes a cross to bear for the rest of my life, and its just not my thing. I cannot go from being best buds to I-am-just-tolerating-you and maintain a relationship on face value, just does not work for me. But then that is just me, zero skills in the department of diplomacy.

Then there is the possibility of misunderstandings. Just recently I had one, with a friend, who is very dear to me. (Yes, I am talking about you! And hope the misunderstanding is cleared up.) We are very different temperamentally. If I am genda phool she is a long-stemmed rose, I am rustic, basic, blunt, she is artistic, deep and talented. But somewhere we connect, and it is wonderful. And yet, the written word which does not convey our tone, led to a misunderstanding. When I received her mail, I was surprised, because I never realised that I had written anything to upset her at all, only when I re-read it, did I realise, that without my mocking scowl, and clown-like expressions, the words alone could in fact have sounded harsh. Just made me realise how frail relationships can really be, especially since we both are secure, strong people, and know that our friendship is much more than frivolous.

And with all these things that can go wrong, is it not really a wonder, when a relationship, that we invest our heart and times into, actually blossoms, and grows. Relationships, that are true, and honest, which truly reflect a bond between two people. Each time, I lose a friend or a relationship goes sour in my life, I do thank God, for the other amazing ones I have in my life, the ones that stand the test of time, change of circumstances and more.

A word from the wise here, please invest very carefully in every relationship in your life. Take your time, never rush in, and think deeply before you let someone into your heart. And when you do, make sure you are ready to fight to keep the person in your life.

Not Womanly Enough?

I am doing a tag after really really long, and I know I have many a pending tags, and to be honest I don't know if I will ever get to them. But when I saw this one, it seemed interesting, and since its a dear friend, I wanted to give it a go. Only now, that I have actually sat down to write it, I realise how difficult it is for me. For one I believe in the differences between men and women, I don't even for a second think they are the same, or are meant to do the same things. 'Unique halves which together form a complete whole', that is my take on the sexes. So even though this is likely to cause great consternation to many, I do in fact support some of the so-called stereotypes. Add to that, that I have been an only child, so nothing gendered affected me there, I have grown up in a place, and studied in a school, that was full of the rich and famous. So I think what I grew up with was the exact opposite of the Gender stereotypes, this tag talks about. So I thought, I will try and do this the ways, in which I think I have broken norms or expectations, in certain ways, maybe even the opposite of the stereotypes this tag expects me to talk about. Smitha, I hope I do justice to your expectations in tagging me.

Smitha from Any Excuse To Write, Deeps from Perceptions and live on impulse has tagged me to do a post on My Sins Against Gender Stereotypes, and so here I go with my own interpretation of it. I will try to list it based on the enormity of my sins.

1. I gave up work to be a home-maker and a mother. I still have not heard the last of it, more than four years down the line. An educated woman of today, sitting at home and wasting away her education. I have been asked questions like 'Don't you get bored at home all day?' to 'Don't you feel bad wasting all the money your parents spent on educating you?'. These questions come from people I barely to know, as well as close family and friends. The kind of work I have chosen to do now, is raising more eyebrows than ever. I think its a stupid stereotype, that every educated woman need to work professionally and earn, even if that makes her unhappy.

2. I was never coy or shy. (This I think can go in the more typical stereotypes.) I am not shy or coy even now, but the realities of life have taught me to be more careful and reserved around people, and especially men, because I know, that ugly comments about me, now reflect on the GP. When I went to college, I never played the coy, shy babe in distress, and formed easy and close friendships with boys. I was labeled everything from easy to cheap. And surprisingly these came from boys, who were supposedly my friends.

3. I practically lived in my jeans and my father's shirts during my growing up years. SO much so, that an old lady, a family friend, can passed a snide remark about how I would wear a pair of jeans even during my wedding. huh????


4.I love manual work. Yes I do, send me out, to dig a hole, paint a house, chop some wood, I would love it really. Infact I think such work gives me immense pleasure. I can handle wires, and plugs and tools. But I think I am losing touch with those things being with the GP who does it around the house now. Infact when I was in school, there was a vaccination drive of some kind going on. My parents did not approve of it for me, so I did not get the shot, while most of the others did. And by the end of the school day, most of them had fever and could barely stay awake. I remember I carried about 7-8 of the school bags besides my own into the school bus that day. And I still remember it with pride.


5. I loved sports, throughout my childhood. I would discuss sports with the boys in school, I knew the ins and outs of most things, my room was full of photos of all kinds of sports stars. Sportsworld is the magazine that I subscribed to as a girl. I would stay up nights during the Football World Cup, and watch every match. Tennis was my special favourite. Surprisingly I have lost the passion completely now. I am ashamed to say I am not sure I even know all the players of the current Indian cricket team.

6. I don't like either singing or dancing, nor am I artistic by nature. Fortunately the GP has a much better sense of aesthetics than me, and I can trust him to take care of that aspect. I have to make concentrated efforts to beautify things, and presentations, I don't have a natural eye for such things.

7. I love the outdoors. Given a chance I would camp in my own backyard, well maybe not, I love my bed too much for that. But the fact is that I love the outdoors. I hate weekends, that do not lead to outings. I love walking, trekking, hiking. I just love being out, the sun shining, the wind in face. Not very girly na?

8. Inefficient Home-maker. Now this one really bothers me. Because I would love to be able to maintain the perfect home, with discipline and orderliness. But that would mean, early mornings, every day, order and discipline for myself. Just not my thing!

9. Comfort Always. That is my motto when it comes to clothes and footwear. I never wear heels, because I just cannot walk well in them. My clothes are always picked for comfort, and looks follow in second. The need to dress up for an occasion or a party, throws me into a tizzy, and I wait to rip the clothes right off of me, as soon as I can get back home. I still love wearing men's shirts and pyjamas/track-pants are my only home-wear.

10. Cosmetics don't entice me. I have been influenced by people around me, and purchased things, which have never been used. So I have learnt my lesson, and never buy those things now. I have attended weddings in my kajal and lipstick, and happily so. I forget to even moisturise my hands and feet regularly, so buying anything more is a complete waste of money in my case.

Yay! I got 10. I was really struggling for the last couple. In some ways I think I am quite a stereotype myself. However I shall pass this onto others, who I think will do a much better job than me.

Monika
Trishna
Chandni
Bones
Liveonimplulse
D
Sraikh
therestlessquill
Soul OF Alec Smart

The Month Of June, Me And Some More

A blogger ... do I qualify to be called one anymore? I don't know, and judging myself, I would say no. I have done just two posts in the whole of June, nothing that was thought provoking, or about things I think about, things that invoke the thinking-me, but just one-off updates on what has been up in the Goofy family. I don't think this post would be much different either. And honestly I don't think too many people are going to read it. For one, in a world inundated with professional writers, a nobody like me, hardly makes for good-writing, and so I have but a few readers, most of them read me just out of courtesy, since they have now also become my friends add to that the huge intervals in my posts, I really cannot expect people to come back and read now can I? And hence, secure in the knowledge that pretty much no-one is reading me, I will write haphazardly, just the way my mind works.

I am in a strange place right now mentally. I don't know if I qualify to be called a working-woman or an SAHM or even a part-time-working-mum. I seem to be somewhere in between all of that. Besides being tremendously self-satisfying, my work does seem to have all the downsides of working, and none of the upsides. I am working, but I don't make money. I spend time away from home, away from family, but gain nothing monetarily in return. Infact I end up spending quite a bit in my travel, eat-outs, day-care charges for the BB and such. Add to that, this work, comes with home-work (I am still training remember? So I have things to read up, assignments and presentations to work on), which means I need to dedicate time to it during the rest of the week. And with the commitment being 1 day a week, during training, and just half-day a week post that....... my slog-like-a-dog = work trained mind, cannot really accept this as work. And so if anyone asks me, I don't think I would say that I work. And hence I am in middle-land, and I really don't know what label will suit me the best. But what makes it all worth it, is the immense sense of self-satisfaction, finally understanding that I am in a field of work that I really like, and would love to pursue for the rest of my life. This is the kind of work that would leave me with a contended tiredness at the end of a hard day's work.

This month we celebrated the GP's birthday..... And I did not even do a post on it. So you can imagine, exactly how hard-pressed I am for time. I am the kind of person, whose writing and thinking is polished with practice, and when I have not posted in a while, my mind is all rusted and has very little to say, amazing thoughts, don't translate into more than just that one-line of the basic thought. And hence there was no post on his birthday. I think the GP being him was the least bit affected by it. Birthdays mean nothing to him, and unfortunately that emotion transcends even to the BB's and my birthdays. But on the up-side, that means there is not much I need to do for his. There was the customary cake, which the man, wanted, plain vanilla, with no icing. He is a all substance, no show man, and well, it shows. His birthday present was the much needed replacement of the laptop the BB destroyed, well let me be honest and say, that I just chipped in a bit of the cost. The BB and I wore new clothes for the day, while the GP himself did no such thing. And that is how the day was spent. Oh! yes, and an absolutely delightful Indian meal at a local restaurant. Loved it! It being the man's birthday, I only feel fortunate and thankful that he is mine, and supports me the way he does, inspires me to improve myself as a person, and guides me so well in that journey. Yes, if anyone needs it to be said plainly, I love him, for being mine.

All those with plain and at most times terrible hand-writings just like myself, was there anyone with that ornamental hand-writing in your school or college whom you completely envied for that. Well I had more than one. One of them is in-fact even a blogger. Her class-notes' notebooks, would be neater and prettier than my fair-copies. Its not just that the writings are cursive, or neat or beautiful, but what I envied most was the naturality with which it was produced. I would look at such peoples' handwriting, be inspired, and try to get there. Well I would atleast turn up my own work up, a few notches, but nothing to match these people, and most importantly, it would mean writing much slower and more consciously. Its been a long long time, since I have seen those gorgeous hand-writings, and I had pretty much forgotten about my own failings in the department, and was contented with my sloppy work. But then, just this weekend, my sweet loving GP, decided to buy me a fountain pen, after all, since I love it so much. He looked up the store online, and took me there. Its heaven for a stationery lover like me. The fact that pretty much everything in the store is more expensive than precious metals and stones, is not to be mentioned of course. But, then I digress. Just as I finalised a pen, and was testing the various nibs available with it, on a writing pad, I saw the words written by someone who had tried out a pen earlier, and I felt ashamed to even scribble on the same piece of paper. It was beautiful, like a work of art, and I stared at the words, 'Electric Dreams', written in beautiful cursive handwriting, in a clean straight line, on a plain piece of paper. I was once again engulfed in the shame of my own horrible hand-writing, like I was back in school-days. Even my best attempts don't compare. And I just wish I could have a beautiful cursive hand-writing. Surprisingly all the women in my family, right from my grandmother, have the kind of writing that can directly be printed on paper and sent out as greeting cards, and its just unfortunate that I never ever managed to pick it up. Forget pretty, my mindlessly written stuff, is not even neat. Even neat writing requires an effort at my end. The typing on a computer does not help much either, since I completely lose practice with my ability to write well with a pen. All those out there in the world, with a gorgeous, ornamental handwriting, I pay my obeisance to you.(A confession - The oldest lady in my training group, has one of those beautiful print-like handwritings, and I make a conscious effort to not sit next to her, so that I can concentrate on the session, more than stare at her writing and wallow in self-pity!)

I am still hoping that I can get back to more regular blogging, make more time in my day and do it. And hence I am not saying I have given up, even now. But what really happens, only time will tell.

Thoughts Of A day

Today is a day that has left me with a lot of thoughts, some pride, and some longing. And I think I will jot it all down under today's day!

Today was projected as a BIG day in my mind since the past couple of weeks. Reason? It is my training Wednesday, and the GP has gladly hopped out of town on business. I was pretty sure I would mess up the day in more ways than one, but fortunately I made myself proud. Wednesdays usually means, the BB is completely in the GP's care. I am out of the house before either one of the male members of this family wake up. So its upto the GP to clean, feed, dress and more, the BB, then drop him off at his day-care place, and since my training happens far away, the GP gets back earlier, and gets to pick up the BB on his way back too. But today I had to do it all, and atleast attempt to reach my training centre in time. For a moment last night, the idea of taking an off today loomed quite lucratively in my mind. Fortunately I did not take it too seriously, and instead, actually managed to get everything in order and get out of the house before 8. Dropped the BB off, did 'my thing' the whole day, got back picked him up, and got back home really late and tiered, but proud that I was able to pull it off, without any hitch. That there, is the bit that gives me the pride.

The longing is for the GP. I am missing him terribly, especially in these long dark winter evenings, which give me nothing to look forward to. Just eagerly waiting for my man to be back soon! The entire day just passes, but the long evenings get really boring without the GP coming home, and changing the pace of things. Thankfully the BB does not get all cranky, I would not know what to do, if he did.

And now for the thoughts, there are loads. Each day at the training I am realising how similair human nature is all around the world, how the feminist issues remain the same, and women are facing similair problems everywhere! Never thought that domestic violence, exploitation, domination, issues common to women across the globe. Its amazing how many wonderful women, are making time to volunteer. Some of their personal stories have shaken me up so much, that I have no idea, if I would have made it out alive, of the kind of situations they have been through. Just gives me, so much to truly admire and get inspired from. In this world, there are people who have pretty much everything, and cannot stop cribbing about how they get the raw end of things, and then I see these amazingly stellar women, who have the true strength to have gone through what they have, and then concretely give back to the world.

I am not sure, that this is politically correct, but I am saying it anyway. Besides me, there is another Indian girl/woman in my training group, and the pain she is taking to avoid me, is really getting irksome now. I find it really disconcerting, when we all pop in a hi - hello to each other, and she makes a conscientious effort to avoid me. At all times she ensures, she never makes eye-contact with me, or is not alone with me somewhere. Its strange because she is actually taking a lot of effort to do all of that. It has been that way from the very first day of training, but I never bothered, but four weeks into it, and now its really getting a bit too obvious to ignore. I just want to send her a brain wave saying, don't worry, I am not dying to be your friend, either! The world can indeed be quite strange at times. Racism???

The rest of the women are all very very warm and friendly, and more than anything it is such a learning opportunity, just being around them. Its wonderful how everyone makes an effort to sit with different people each time, and thus, interact with a different person at each session. Each one has a story to tell, and believe me, everyone of them inspire me with what they do, how much they pack into their weeks, their lives, and many with what they have endured, and yet turn out to be the kind of people they have. Awesome and Inspiring!

Popping Up A Bit!

Life suddenly seems to have taken a quantum leap in space. It has infact become quite unrecognisable, from what it was a few weeks back. Its strange how just one day of training, can change so much in a life. Its not just the day, but my entire attitude towards everything, that has undergone a complete change. I am also learning to knit, so that keeps me busy in my free moments too.

There is a lot that has happened, so much infact that it would be quite unfair to document it all in just one post, and yet knowing how my life is going these days, I would rather just squeeze it all in this single post, rather than lose the opportunity to share it all, over here. I have been completely off the blogging circuit, reading, posting or commenting, and while I don't particularly miss those bits, in fact I don't find the time to miss it. But I miss my blogging friends, I miss them more than I can express in words here. And yes you know who you are!

There was one huge marital fight between the GP and me, the last week, and I was amazed at how it went, and what happened. We fight, very often and lots, but this one, it was different in more ways than one. For once we did not go all, kid-like, and had a civil argument, very mature, and adult-like. Face to face talking, a very very big step for me. And I think I can say our life has changed for the better post that. A lot of unsaid issues were brought forth, some pushed-under-the-carpet topics were dragged out from there, and discussed up front. Over all an amazing sense of closeness, sharing, and understanding was established at the end of the war zone, and all I can say is, it was simply super-duper amazing. If fights can be such, I welcome them time and again in my marriage!

The BB has decided to blabber non stop, from the moment he wakes up now, and its just a lot of fun. He has settled down amazingly at the day-care centre, and for the very first time, even said a 'bye-bye' to me, when I dropped him there last afternoon. Oh! I felt so happy. His tremendous attachment to me, seems to have suddenly diminished, leaving me feeling confused. He happily goes off with the GP, without wanting me, I can be dropped off somewhere, while he goes off with his father, and he would not care two hoots, and many many more such things. While I am happy he is gaining that emotional independence, it would be a blatant lie to say, I am unaffected. Ofcourse it hurts, it hurts to know that I am not needed quite as much, by the boy, who loudly claims himself to be papa's boy repeatedly all through the day! And then he has finally managed to destroy one of the laptops at home, fortunately for me, it wasn't mine. For all the playing around the BB can do with the laptops, he is allowed to play his games and things on ours. But the other day, he decided to sit with a glass of water alongside, and managed to spill it all onto the laptop. Surprisingly enough the laptop kept working for a day or two after the incident. But when it was shut down after that, it just never woke up again! I am amazed at how calm the owner, that is, the GP is. He did not even scold the BB much, and I had to perform the task. So I am officially the meanie of this household.

Did I tell you ever what a wonderful man I have for a husband? If not, then hear it now. He is the best. I am amazed at the amazing support I am receiving from him for my volunteer work and training. Though the BB spends the day at day-care on my training Wednesdays, if I need to spend a couple of hours on other days there, the GP does so much to see that it goes through, that it is amazing. I don't think I could have done this with anyone but him by my side. Life does have its tests, isn't it? I have my training just once a week, and on the night-before the second training session, the BB decides to come up with a fever. I was a lot more relaxed than the last time, since the GP was home this time, but felt terribly disappointed about having to miss the session. The fever though subsided almost immediately and did not come back all night or in the morning that followed, but day-care was definitely not an option for us that day. I knew I would miss my chance at the learning completely if I missed the session, and was feeling really sorry for myself. My darling of a husband, promptly took his day off work, stayed back home with the lil BB, while I headed off for my day at training. And tehy even dropped me off! Yes, its all about equality, feminism, etc etc etc many women would say, but may I just add here, that he is still the only earning member of the family, on whom rests the sole responsibility to keep us thriving. Touch wood, that he is all mine!

And then comes the most special part of my activities of late, my training. Its simple awesome, and in so many ways! I don't remember, ever in my life being a part of anything educative, and not wanting to just fall asleep instead. But this, well I just love what I am learning, and more importantly the wonderful discoveries I am making about myself along the way! The group of women is so varied and just so simply diverse, that it makes the whole experience just that much more enriching. Our trainers, are women with such kindness, empathy and wisdom, that it is a privilege to just be in their presence. And every woman who works for the organisation, just has such an aura, a class, a sense of presence about them. They each have their own personalised style, a panache and a sense of such immense confidence with empathy too boot. The training group is such an eclectic group too. Some women there, do so much more volunteer and charity work, that it is absolutely inspiring. I believe the oldest lady in our group is close to eighty, and yet she is so sprightly and fresh. I am making friends, and learning things just through the personal interactions. In someways, I feel like I am finally back home, a place where I like being, where I want to be, a place which inspires me to actually wake up early in the morning, and take the effort to get there. For now, it seems too good to be true, and I just hope I don't jinx it any. And I think only because I am loving it as much as I am, I am not in tears each morning that I leave the BB and go. The very first day, when I was on my way in the tram, and did not really know what it would be like, I found myself close to tears at the thought of having left the BB, to go out to do my own thing. It has been easier in the weeks that followed. And I did I tell you the GP actually gets him fed, dressed and everything and drops him off to the day-care on those days? Another big point to him!

The GP's birthday is coming up, a week from now, and I am already wondering what to do. All ideas on celebrations and gifts are most welcome people. These are the most important things that have been happening in my life the past few days/weeks. Add to that lots of dinner guests, and general guests, and homework, and cooking, and some more, and you will understand, how it has become such a tough task for me to stay on my laptop for more than five minutes at a time. Please do update me on what is up with you!