Wednesday, January 27, 2010

'Looking' For People?

How important are looks I wonder. I hear people admire others,, just because the look good, others who weigh their own worth only for their physical appearance, those who obsess about it day and night and then ones who form relationships based only on looks. I feel like a stranger in a world obsessed with physical beauty, mostly because I don't look like a dish myself I think, and partly because I knew from a very young age, that looks mean nothing in any relationship. Not everyone is all about the looks ofcourse, but there is no denying that the world as we know it today is growing more obsessed with looks each passing minute. Is it not?

I am not completely unbiased about looks ofcourse. My first crush was a looker, the second was one of the hottest boys in school, I think there was a point in time I watched sports only to drool over the male players,then of course there is my life long love for Akshay Kumar, purely based on his looks, (but we will discuss that some other time, )and I definitely like looking at people whose appearance is pleasing to the eyes. But somehow when it came to friendships, I never ever cared for how the person looked, in fact I think I specifically went for people who were never the best lookers around.Part of it is possibly because I was this huge, wheatish, buxom creature growing up in a sea of pretty, fair and nubile girls in school. I had no illusions about the way I looked, and I think subconsciously I knew I would never fit into a group of lookers and always managed to hook up with the others. But whatever the reason, whether its my own looks or just my principles, or whatever,looks never mattered to me when I connected with another person.

Why am I blogging about this you wonder, because it surprises me each day, every single time, when I meet people who never look beyond the physical appearance of anything. A friend in college, had one criteria for picking a man, his meter reading on the fairness scale. Only a boy with a peaches and pink complexion was acceptable, in fact the reason she is not in touch with me today, is because I don't match the required criteria. Strange? Maybe not, but it is to me. I hear people eulogising about their spouse, of many many years based only on their looks. An aunt married for about a quarter of a century now, never fails to bring up the fact that her husband is an exceedingly fair complexioned man, the fact that he used to beat her up black and blue at one point of time, seems to be of little consequence. Another couple, well into their fifties, and the man will always talk of how gorgeous his partner is, and forever fear her running away with someone else for the very same reason. Just does not make sense to me.

When I am hurt, or in pain, or need support, when I am sad and need a shoulder to lean on, the looks of the man is the last thing that counts. Strangely enough, for someone who was as kiddish as kiddish gets, I never wanted to fall in love with a man, because he looks good. The GP's looks somehow never even registered in my mind when we fell in love. I loved him for the person he was, and I love him each day for that, but looks, they never mattered. The fact remains that he comes across as quite a looker to many. A recent incident, where someone wanting to buy the flat we owned in India, came to have a look, and seeing the GP's photo in the living room, was convinced that it was in fact John Abraham (thanks to his long straightened locks during the time.), and we all agree John Abraham is drool worthy right? Everyone who knew him in college, and even some others, have commented on his striking resemblance to Dino Morea, I have never managed to observe it myself. I couldn't care less if he was a short, fat, bald man tomo, as long as he remains to be the person he is today. I never cared, and I hope I never do. So what I cannot understand is, how do people form relationships based on just looks, how and just how? How obsessed can one be with an outer appearance.

Its great to look good, and more importantly feel good. I would love to have a flat tummy and smaller face, but I would hate it if people liked or disliked me based on just that. I wish I never have friends or for that matter what is more likely, foes, based on my looks, and I hope I never ever change so much that I base my own likings or friendships based on looks. What is your take? How important are looks to you?

On an aside, a salesman in the mall yesterday congratulated me on my imagined pregnancy. How do you think I took it? I sulked for the entire fifteen minutes on the way back home!! And then of course tweeted about it to glory. And thanks to everyone who tried to cheer me up, I enjoyed the attention!

13 comments:

Sraboney said...

I know looks are important to many but I didn't know people formed relationships based only on looks...Wow! I learn something new everyday...Yes, I think your husband is a looker and so are you...You have a very cute face...

Passionate Goof said...


Sraboney - Strangely enough, there are loads who even marry for that, esp in the arranged marriage 'market'. I just don't get it, the people who mean something to me, I could not care less for their looks, so the other kind just seem unreal to me.
About the GP, I think you stand with many others who think that way, I am his only detractor I think. ;) And me, well... here I go blushing!

soin said...

am too much a foodie to care about looks and all.some of the best girls i know are not that great looking.but then i still prefer their company.maybe people who are beautiful prefer beautiful people.maybe.i cant tell.
and when it comes to this arranged marriage on what basis will they shortlist?so i guess there looks based choice doesnt matter that much..free

Smitha said...

GM, You are one the best looking persons I know :) But that is certainly not the reason I read you :) I really cannot understand how people can judge or decide to be friends because of looks? Surely that should not even be a criteria. As for arranged marriages, someone was once explaining to me , that when you know very little about the other person, looks become a criteria. I am still not convinced, but it seems true for lots of people.

As for that salesman - that has happened to me a lot of times too :)

Butterfly said...

Hi... First time on your blog and I like what I read. So I will come around again. :D

The looks thing really is done to death mostly with us Indians. I guess really more so because we are not just black or white. We are black, white and all shades in between! I feel if we were divided into just black or white, we would not be so biased.

Leave the women folk (i can blog pages abt them though), but it is the men folk that get to me. They can be whatever shade, but they want a fair girl. Then they spend the rest of their lives in jealousy and shielding her from the eyes of other men.

Passionate Goof said...


Soin - I must say you are on the more evolved end of the Indian men spectrum. :) Arranged marriages in themselves are a strange concept to a large extent, but they work in India, because its a union of families in Indian marriages, as much as its a union of two people.

Smitha - And now I shall faint with such HUGE compliments!! I really don't understand having an emotional connect with someone based on their looks, I just don't get it.
The pregnancy thing happened with you too? Its so mortifying momentarily!!

Butterfly - Hi! and welcome. A nice new perspective, maybe it is indeed because we can be of absolutely any shade. And yes, very very right about the men, I could not agree more. :D

Shrutzz said...

hhmmm....GM...what can I say about this topic...I remember you have written on similar lines long back and you made me think on this subject so much...

No matter wherever we go( Indian or abroad); everyone is targetted to this..Its all about LOOKS, you are welcomed or judged...

Practically, you are fair complexioned you receive a diffferent treatment in life....
In reality,How much I HATE it, since I have been a target to this and keeps haunting me...Never know when am gonna rebel this...

MRC said...

Hi GM,

I've been there too. Here's a post I wrote about it eons ago

http://minisblog.blogspot.com/2006/09/mirror-mirror.html

cheers!

Piper .. said...

yet another post so close to my heart! Yes, I have known people to marry / to form friendships based on looks! In fact I have always come across such people, who have made me feel shitty about the way I look - which makes it easy to understand why I am so insecure as a person. But then again, there are people like you(and most importantly, The G!), who make life worthwhile :)

Soli said...

Dino Morea and John Abraham. Am I read Bipasha Basu's blog? ;) ;)

Trish said...

Finally completed the tag!I see I have so much to catch up here.:)will comeback and comment.

mindspace said...

Even if the looks can lure you to begin with, the charm fades if the person behind those looks is shallow, unpleasant, unfriendly, rude or anything of the putting off sorts.. so looks dont really take one that far.. i am friendly with ppl based on the vibes i get from them(simplicity brings me closer to ppl for sure).. nothing to do with looks. yes great looks intimidate me at times like u said & then I prefer to admire them only from a distance and that proves to be of help in avoiding certain level of disappointment, you know!

Passionate Goof said...


Shruti - It is indeed unfortunate that the colour of one's skin plays such an important practical role in life.

MRC - Let me go read!

Piper - I know exactly what you mean, but it is important to love yourself and be proud of yourself Piper, and only then will the world take you that way! And if people are judging you based on how you look, aren't they too shallow for you to care about them?

Soli - No you are not... nowhere close... :P I wish I could have a hot body like her!!

Trish - okie!

Midspace - I agree completely, but then people actually marry for looks, can you believe it? "great looks intimidate me at times like u said & then I prefer to admire them only from a distance and that proves to be of help in avoiding certain level of disappointment, you know!" I could not have said it better myself. Somehow past experience has shown that good-looking people do come with a lot of attitude and baggage, many time obsession about the way they look too and i find that difficult to deal with!