And What Was Yesterday?

Going by the staple idea of an ideal mother, in the Western society, I kind of made the cut this Mother's day, by baking a batch of choco-chip cookies for the sonny. Fresh out of the oven, the whole wheat variety, to be had with a glass of milk. This was my first ever attempt at baking cookies, and the first batch burnt up, because I thought I had to let them be in, till they harden up, fortunately the second batch behaved better. The recipe comes off one of the rather accomplished bakers of the blog-world, Monika, and I completely loved this rather healthy cookie recipe she put up. And no doubt, it was super duper yummy too, to boot.

Like them?

Mother's Day, a well peddled, advertising gimmick, to celebrate one's mother, that is the way I look at it. Why? Because my child had better celebrate having me for a mother, every single day, atleast till he gets on with life on his own. At the least I can live under the illusion that he does. And inspite of thinking of the day as an advertising gimmick, I always welcome gifts, and so i greedily lapped up the many baking dishes that came in as my gift of the day!

The fact is being a mother, is all about having a part of your heart growing outside of your body. That is literally how I have come to feel, in the few years that I have been a mother. For a bit we take our hearts for granted, it will beat, pump the blood in my body, and so on. As a mother I take my child for granted at times, just like that. And a slight little pain in the heart and our anxiety levels shoot up, sky high, the child is a little unwell, and we react the same. And yes, a little trouble with either, a heartburn in our heart or a big, sad puppy face on our child, the guilt trips they can take us on, are rather enormous. We walk, exercise, eat well to keep our heart healthy. We mind our language, behave well and generally try to be good role models for our children. How different are they really then from our hearts, besides the fact that they grow outside our bodies, and as they keep growing, they also spend a lot of time being physically farther and farther apart from us. At many many times, being a mother is equivalent to being on one of those horror rides of amusement parks, because you never know what to expect next, and the scares can be big. And yet, just like the heart, a child fills us with love, softness, tenderness and kindness, like nothing else ever can.

Being a mother is so far, no mean task for me, for most importantly I still just cannot let go. I will get there I know, someday, someway, maybe because I simply have to, but not just right now. It has brought me on my knees, broken me down, scared me to my bones, made me grow guilt the size of an elephant, it has taken a toll on my body and health, has made me perpetually teary eyed and yet it has made me more loving, giving, kinder, softer, gentler, and filled me with joys like nothing else I have ever known before. It is not easy, being a mother, really it is not, and I will not mask it with words like, but the smile makes it all worth it, because really when you have not had a decent night's sleep in months, and your baby decides midnight is the right time to exercise his lungs by crying out loud, and refusing to keep quiet unless held by you, for hours at a stretch, the smile does not quite cut it, at that moment. And yet,in ways that I did not quite realise, motherhood caught me unaware, and converted me into a creature, which is a mix of a doe, in constant fear, because a piece of her heart is outside her body(remember???), a tigress who can kill to protect her cubs and an ewe, who lovingly nurtures her lambs. Am I happy with that? Well honestly, and cross my heart, I am. I do miss the times, when my entire heart was in my body, and did not need feeding, cleaning, teaching, disciplining, being put to sleep and a million more things, because those were carefree days, but I think I am too deep into motherhood now, to ever be able to go back to that. I am in 24X7 job.

And knowing what it is, let me raise a toast to every mother out there in the world, man or animal, biological or adopted, female or male, because it is not easy being you. And each one of you, in your own special way, love and cherish your child like only you could, and make the world a better place being the loving tender shade of care for your child. Happy Mother's Day!

And that is the little creature who makes me a mother. The piece of my heart, growing outside of me.