Sunday, March 7, 2010

Not Going By The Books

In a world driven by results, every thing is measured and compared. My realisation of this just got clearer, from the day the BB was born. Besides an occasional and very rare mention of 'Each Child Grows At his Own Pace' at certain places, every thing about a baby is measured, in terms of charts, milestones, set patterns. Anything off the defined ranges is a cause of great concern. Height, weight, motor skill developments, crawling, walking, talking, reading..... the list is endless. And no matter where we are, and how open minded we claim to be, at the end of day, the comparison does not cease. Sometimes even the doctors become a part of the craziness, and very often in the paranoid world we live in, it does not take long before experts take over and drive nervous, hapless parents over the edge.

I believe, every child is different, just as every person is. And the difference and uniqueness is a part of us from birth. And yet when I step out in the world, the comparisons happening, the tape measuring, the weighing scales, the charting, the checking, and once in every while, I fall into the trap, wondering why is my child not doing this, or why is he not weighing xyz. And I hate that. I know someone who was born weighing 1.5kg, and is a perfectly healthy girl today. The guy who did not talk till he was 5, and even then found it very difficult to do so. He works in PR and actually charms people with his words today. And so many others, who did not measure up to the charts, the milestone dates set by books, and have grown up to be such normal, unique people. So, why, I think, why do we obsess so much about when, how much, how tall when it comes to our children.

I am doing this post to remind myself, that my little BB is a unique and wonderful person in his own right, and each time, that craziness of measuring up hits me, I want to have something to remind me, why I should not fall into the crazy rut.

He is a sweet tempered boy. Tantrums happen, but rarely, he is not usually cranky nor irritable. There is no wake-up crankiness, nor any being upset for being hungry.

He can keep himself busy for hours. A fallout of being an only child, to a mother who always has some chore at hand, and is addicted to her laptop. Its great, to have baby who does not need to be entertained all the time.

The boy is quite a loving little one. Though he absolutely loves to go out, he would get all dressed up and everything, but would not get out of the house, till, he is absolutely sure that all three of us are leaving. And the same process works, when we are out, no letting one get away or left behind. He loves this merry-go-round ride available for kids in the mall we go for groceries. This time, the GP was parking while I came in with him early, so that he could get on his ride, and we could go on for our shopping. But the boy simply ran right back to the parking lot to get his father, refusing even to go on the ride, which is pretty much a ritual each time we go to our groceries. How many kids actually wait instead of having fun, to be sure they did not leave anyone in their group behind!

He loves people, but he does not pine for them. He enjoys being with them, but does not get all clingy or cranky when they are not around. So even if the GP is off for a trip, I know the BB would not be much bothered, even though the fun he has with his father, is just their thing. No matter how much I try, I just cannot do it with him.

The BB is friendly, he does not mind people or other kids. He is rather open, and runs to other people with open arms, and an open heart. Oh! And he does not hit, ever, even if the other kids push. pull, tug, hit or even poke him in the eye, he never retaliates by hitting or even screaming. (Though in some cases, I think I should teach him to do it. He cannot have people poking him in the eye, its dangerous, esp since I may not always be around as he keeps growing up.) He actually goes and hugs the kids after they do that to him, and I am talking about the ones who do not do it as play!

Addendum - He does not watch TV, has no favourite cartoons or programs. For all he cares, the TV maybe on, all day long, and he would be somewhere else in the house doing his own thing. On rare occasions that he spots a baby on the screen, he rushes in, kisses the screen and within moments is back to doing whatever it is that he was.

No demands for chocolates or ice creams happen either. He loves both the things, but can go for days without either, unless he is offered some. Basically means no mealtime crying for this or that. In fact he always prefers raw veggies, salads and yogurt to eat, any time, any meal.

And no matter how much the world races, rages and compares, my baby is special to me for his own unique qualities and temperament. All the charts, counts and numbers in the world, cannot measure a whole person, and that is exactly what my BB is.


D said...

I want your baby! :)

Trish said...

He is a special little boy..he is..hug him for me..:D

Smitha said...

'All the charts, counts and numbers in the world, cannot measure a whole person, and that is exactly what my BB is.' That is so true!!! Everything you have said here is true for all of us. Our babies are beyond numbers and counts :)

Super tight hugs to you and the BB! BB is one special boy and you are one special mom :)

2 B's mommy said...

wow ! loved reading about BB !!

Shrutzz said...

BB has such a lovely mom!!!!

Passionate Goof said...

D - I am sure I can lend him to you for a few hours or a day. ;)

Trish - All babies are special, in their own way, isn't it???

Smitha - I have realised that this crazy generalistaion which exists, since the day i took him for his first check up to the ped. And it never stops hitting me, esp when with all the pressures, sometimes I start worrying too!

2B's Mommy - He features here often. ;)

Shrutzz- Wow! Thanks, I love that compliment girl. :D