Something From The Past, In The Present

In her recent post, Piper talks about being naughty, doing the forbidden. I believe the definition of naughty or for that matter the forbidden is quite relative. While it would be forbidden for one woman to even mention she ever had a boyfriend, to the man she marries, others would rattle on and on about all their previous relationships, some would consider it sin to even think of another man/woman post being in a commitment, others would gladly go out and flirt/date/have an affair on the sly, without any guilt. Eventually its our own mind which tells us whats acceptable or not. And we feel guilty only when we do something that our own conscience says is wrong. But here I completely digress from what I set out to write about.

When I was a teenager, in high school, it was quite the in-thing to get hold of the phone numbers of people you had a crush on, and call them up with fake personalities. Crank calls, is what they were called, and they worked because it was the era before cell phones, or even caller-id. One of my friends even managed to get together with the guy she had been having the most massive crush on for ages. We never got it, because she actually looked like a doll, and the guy was a loser in every sense of the word, looks, personality, potential. And yet again I am off on a tangent, teen- age years give us so much to reminisce about.... However getting back to the point. There was this school hunk a couple of years my senior, who was one of the hottest guys in school, lets call him, CG. I think the hallways filled up with drool, each time he passed by.

As you may have guessed by now, this guy was my huge massive crush too, and obviously he was not aware of my existence. For the record, mine was one of the most populated high schools of the country. As always happens in those years, I managed to get his phone number, and high on the rush of hormones, did call him up one day. Not too surprisingly, the Mooney eyed me, kept calling, even after and a period of over two years we became friends. I think CG knew, that I very obviously had a crush on him. He was the kind of guy, who had girls drooling all over him, and he had the attitude to boot. We used to have these marathon conversations over the phone, talking about pretty much everything under the sun. Over a period of time, he began confiding in me, a bit here, a bit there, and the friendship blossomed. It was no longer just me calling him, but he called up too, we would talk a lot. And I pretended in my mind that we were not just two people talking on the phone, without having ever come face to face. Then I went away to college, the calls became few and far between, we stayed in touch on and off. I would give him a call when I came home for my holidays, we would chat up the few days I was there. Long distance calls never really happened, and then over a period of time, it all waned off, and we got out of touch.

During the period of time we were actively friends, and even later after that, I had an image of a matured, sensible and sensitive guy of CG. I was definitely blinded, because we all knew he changed girlfriends at the drop of a hat, and that did not really define sensitive. The crush obviously waned off, as I grew up , and realised we are mentally worlds apart. And life went on. He became a friend, I had never met, and gotten out of touch with. About a year back, I went back and checked the inbox of one of my older mail-ids, and what do I see, a mail from CG. Surprised, I open it to find an advertising mail, which I could not make head or tail of. I mailed him back asking him what this was about, and generally enquiring about his well being. A few mails were exchanged in the process. And what followed, made me realise, why we would never have remained friends, even we had not fallen out of touch.

As we got on to catching up over the mails, he could not stop talking about himself. He had joined his family business as soon as he was out of school, and that is what he was still doing, he was in the city he had been from the day he was born, and doing what he had been doing from day one. In the mails, he told me he was now married, and had a baby girl. Obviously I congratulated him, and asked him their names etc etc. What surprised me about his reply, was that he just continued talking about himself, telling me how much he loved his daughter, and how from the casanova that he used to be, he was not converted into a protective father.... ya da yada yada, and it was all nice, and friendly, but what i observed was, that not even as common courtesy did he enquire about me or my life. Parents usually always ask about each other's kids. I am yet to meet a person with a child who would enquire about mine, if they knew I had one. So this really surprised me, that he did not even ask me how old the BB is or even as much as his name. I told him I lived in Sharjah, and he said, he had a friends who were living there, but had moved to Dubai, because they found xyz problem with Sharjah. And so it went. Losing any common ground to discuss, I made small talk, by saying, he was lucky to be rooted in one place, while I was all over everywhere since I left school. He sent me pity in reply, saying I should not mind as long as I am making money. It just kept getting worse with each mail. While it is OK if someone brags, or loves talking about himself, and I need to maintain contact for work, but I cannot really be friends with such a person. And there is no other reason I would be in touch with him. I then also found out, that he had been regularly dropping in and checking out one of my social-networking site profiles. But he never left a message. And it just got stupid. Maybe he expected me to be a stupid teenager gaping at him. Vain! I think the last mail I sent him was quite a tiny curt one, and communication froze at that.

But what really caught my attention in all of this, was how as a teenager, I had been so awed by him, that I had possibly not observed any of these qualities about him. Or maybe had changed over the years (find that unlikely though!). Whatever it was, I didn't like the kind of person he appeared to be at the present time, and left it that. But I really believe I have not really interacted at a personal, human level with anyone who is so completely vain,arrogant and self-absorbed. To think I once had this huge crush on me, really makes me wonder what was wrong with me. I will just blame it on the raging hormones, and thank God, I had my sensible, thinking wits around me, when I met the GP, hormone rush or not.