True Equality - Freedom Of Choice

The International Woman's Day has brought up some really good posts all over the blog world, and some thoughts within me have been better crystallised, after reading some of these. I read this well articulated post by M4, talking about gender equality on Woman's Day. She talks about her personal experience about how the women are not given equal rights, even in a situation, when one loses a parent. Its saddening, and cruel indeed. I am quoting her here, on something else she said, and I absolutely loved reading it, for the smirk it brought on my face.

"Most urban men these days think that marrying a non-virgin is a sign that they are not an MCP. Yet, these very same men expect you to put their family before yours, without returning the favour. Chauvinism lives on..."

So true, and so true indeed. Where does this end? And what is true equality then, I wonder, because when in the Indian society a man is happily and openly marrying a non-virgin, we would think true equality has been reached, because finally men are being able to accept the fact that a woman they marry, might not have bred from the day she was born to be his wife, and yet it has not. Because this same man, after marriage, is not able to accept the fact that his wife has her own family, whom she loves and wants to devote her time, and energies towards, that they too are his family, if he expects his family to be hers. This to me is curbing her freedom, her choice. And as long as that happens, there is absolutely no equality.

My views on old customs and rituals will not match those of most liberals or modernists. I have my own, interpretation of them. No I don't side with dowry or Sati(the practice of burning a woman alive on the pyre of her dead husband) or male polygamy or any madness like that, but my interpretation, and understanding of most things, blindly shunned in the name of being modern is very very different. But that is not what I am writing about. What I am writing about is equality, as I see it. And if a woman is expected to suddenly forget about her parents and siblings, having spent all her growing years with them, just because she is married, it is just simply unfair. Not only is it detrimental to women's rights in the broader social spectrum, but it is also hurts the relationship that exists between the couple. And why should a man decide what a woman should or should not do, against her free will, whether she wishes to be with her own parents or not, whether she wants to accept his family as her own or not, show be totally and completely on her own free will, and in there lies true equality.

Equality for me, is not a situation where men and women do the same thing, or have the same rights. Au contraire, that to me is the exact opposite of equality, because that again means curbing freedom of choice, and living defined roles. I define equality as equal freedom of choice. Where both a man and woman can choose what they want to do equally freely, that to me is true equality. In the world we live today, equality has come to mean equal pay, equal education, equal work. To me its the exact opposite of what it claims to be. I like being at home, and taking care of the family and my home. I have the freedom to choose to do just that, and to me that defines equality. Now in the name of equality, if I am forced to go out, work, earn, inspite of that, not being what I wish to do, to me that is not equality, it is as bad a case of discrimination as is not educating the girl child just because of her gender. I believe in some ways we have just gone from one extreme to other, with nothing much really changing, a woman still doing things to appease the society and family as and how applicable.

The honest fact is a woman is still judged, and observed at every point in time, no matter what kind of a society she lives in. She is judged and unfairly punished for being seen with another man, who is not her relative in the Taliban regime, and she is criticised for wasting her time at home, and letting her education go to waste of she stays home in a modern society. So though in complete extremes, the situation remains the same. A woman is not free to do what pleases her without being criticised or admonished. And hence equality still remains to be real freedom of choice for a woman.

I changed my surname after marriage, because I wanted to, it was my own free will. I am at home, because I want to be, and no one dares point a finger at me. I will work, whether for money or not, when I want to, and even that will be my own free will. In my own home, I sometimes believe that I have more freedom and choice than my other half. Because he does not have the choice to quit his job and pursue some leisure activities, as and when he pleases, atleast not till the day I decide I will work for pay, that is enough to take care of my family financially. I wear what I wish to, and choose my friends as and who I feel comfortable being with. And that to me means I am equal and maybe even more in some ways, because I am free to choose what happens with my life. Isn't that what equality supposed to make women feel like? Free and happy, not bound by definitions or expectations?