Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Infidelity Or Just Upsetting?

A recent post by Bones, talk about pedophiles, the ones who have the urge to engage in sexual encounters with minors, but do not act upon it. The post talks about,what are the ways of dealing with such people, and what action the society/authorities should take towards it. After reading the post, my mind went on a tangent, and thought of partners who are mentally infidel.

How would I react, if I knew my partner is fantasising about someone else? I am not even talking about a non-sexual affair here, but just pure mental desires or fantasies. Is it acceptable? Is it right? Is it wrong? What if I dreamed of another man in a very physically intimate way, am I cheating on my partner then? I remember a time, when the Internet was new to the world, there was a lot of controversy about whether sexual relationships over the Internet, could infact be construed as cheating on a spouse. So what about fantasising?

I remember reading a long long time ago, in an agony aunt column about a man, who said he thought of his favourite movie star while making love to his wife, and was confused about whether it was the right thing to do, and whether he could in fact tell his wife. How would anyone react to being told, that they are being pictured as someone else, by their partner? Not nicely, I am guessing, but I don't really know. But can that be labelled as infidelity, is it being infidel, just to think about someone else, or even privately fantasise about them? And then is it OK to fantasise about a celebrity, but maybe not about an ex-partner or crush? This just gets so confusing.

While I am sure pretty much no one would be amused to know their partner is mentally fantasising about someone else, unless they themselves are doing the same or worse, and knowing about their partner will just make them feel a little less guilty, but would they count it as infidelity? I have been thinking about it a while, and I know I would be mighty unhappy about it, but not sure if I would count on it as cheating. What do you think?

9 comments:

Sraboney said...

Everybody fantasizes, period...I don't think there's anything wrong with it personally as long as it remains within limits...Fantasies bring variety into one's mundane life...

Shrutzz said...

Hmmm....GM, I feel everyone goes through the stage in life of Fantasizing...Its a diverse subject to know, about the parter thinking of someone mentally...Is it Infedility, same question in my mind too...

Renu said...

In today's scenario, I dont think mental infidelity is very important.one may or may not,..I have read some counsellers saying that sometimes it is better as it brings a zing in their real life.

sraikh said...

NK and I have a personal joke. Raat ka andere mei haar koyi Amitabh and Rekha(insert Kunal and Deepika) baan jate hai...

I said this out loud once when I was attending someone's mehendi function in India. It was all women and the women were teasing the bride to be about her spouse and her suhaag raat. After I said that line, there was pin drop silence and then laughter..:)

So not related to your blog post, and am not answering your question

hitch writer said...

Fantasies are a part of life arent they ??

whether partners discuss or not... !!

Generally people keep hushing it undercovers and arent very comfortable talking about it.. !


Nancy Friday has written a lot on Sexual fantasies... during the liberation in US in the seventies.. : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nancy_Friday

MRC said...

GM,

I think that as long as things are in the realm of fantasy and not adversely affecting the actual relationship between a couple , it's NOT cheating. If it was, then all romantic poets and storytellers would be committing adultery by practicing their art.

That said, the knowledge that one's partner was fantasizing about someone like an ex or a friend would definitely cause some sparks to fly in this house!

Passionate Goof said...


Bones - True, it is not harmful, but then why is it not OK to fantasize about underage kids then?

Shrutzz - I am not sure either.

Renu - Possible, but the idea, of my partner, thinking of someone else, in intimate terms, definitely does not make me happy.

Sraikh - You are both funny people! And yes, that dialogue, there is a Bengali saying for it, "Kutshit ki noorjehaan, andhokaare shon shomaan"(Ugly or Noorjehan, in teh dark everything is the same. ;))
And why not answering????

Hitchy - Yes, it is port of everyone's life i believe, happens, but are you comfortable knowing your partner is thinking about someone else????

MRC - That is what even I think, its not cheating.... just something that makes us a bit uncomfy. I don't think I would term it as infidelity either.

Just call me 'A' said...

I think as long as it remains in the head and NOT in an obsessive compulsive way..it's alright. it's becomes unacceptable when it is acted upon and starts hampering a relationship. that's how I feel.

Anonymous said...

So is it still cheating if you imagine Amitabh and Rekha doing the act while you are doing it with hubby?